RE: Beyond Understanding

RE: Beyond Understanding (Full Version)

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caitlyn -> RE: Beyond Understanding (7/21/2005 2:41:25 PM)
Its hard to admit you need help, especially to people you know. It damages your pride, and when all you feel inside is broken and empty, your pride is all you have left. You will never give it up. Some of this seems like, "physician, heal thyself" logic, if you ask me. (no offense intended) If I had a friend that was walking a dangerous path, I wouldn't walk along side offering support, I would do something, anything ... to knock them off that path and keep them from getting back on. They might hate me forever but they also might eventually see that at least one person gave a damn enough to do something to help, without making them debase themself to beg for help. They might hate me, detest me even, but at least they would still have the only thing they feel they have left, their pride. Ok, this was a very hard thread and I guess I opened up a little. Probably a bad idea. Now back to the regularly scheduled program. caitlyn

kyakitten -> RE: Beyond Understanding (7/21/2005 7:36:18 PM)
Caitlyn, There's zero reason to feel like you've lost face here. You have lots of admirers here and I for one admire you more for what you've shared. It takes tremendous courage to be vulnerable. I'm not getting quite the same read on the responses that you are. Most of the people who have written have done so specifically because they give a damn and are trying to help. You are not alone. But here's the rub - no one here or anywhere else knows how to help you as well as you do. All we can do is offer love and support anytime you ask for it. If you're lucky, you won't get so caught up in the search for an outside savior that you can't see the gifts you're being given. Caitlyn, you're an incredibly bright and mature woman. UNLESS YOU ARE IN PHYSICAL DANGER, beware anyone who tries to knock you off your path instead of walking alongside you to a better one. You might not like where you end up. More on the other side.

ElektraUkM -> RE: Beyond Understanding (7/22/2005 4:15:48 AM)
I agree with John ~ the 'broken glass' analogy isn't something I subscribe to. If we want to keep the metaphor of glass, I'd say we are all, as adults, individually-shaped pieces which have been formed by the various processes and events that we've been subject to in our 'manufacture'. It's what we make of what we have become that matters. If we can find ways of being happy and fulfilled, then we've done a good job, whatever it looks like from the outside. If two pieces fit together and 'work'... then who is to say which is 'deformed' or inadequate or unfinished or broken? I'd also like to say that D/s is a two-person relationship. How is it we're forever hearing about the 'broken' submissive, while we hear little about the motivations/needs/'defects' of the dominant..? (I'm not actually saying there are 'defects' in the dominant, any more than there are broken submissives). Final comment ~ an abused person cannot be 'healed' from the outside. Apart from my reservations that we can become suddenly 'whole' and 'un-broken' (we're always going to have grown in a particular way because of what we've been through) the idea that someone outside us can 'fix' us is a continuation of the type of mindset that allows abuse of the adult. Giving Other People the power to 'heal' or further break us is continuing our own weakness and is detrimental to personal strength. Those who 'heal' us in such a superficial way can always break us again ~ which means we've come absolutely NoWhere. Woops ~ editing to actually answer the OP's question about 'why you're here'... My answer would be that (to take one aspect of Ds that I love) being restrained and such turns me on. Simple as that. Where that comes from, I can have a good guess ~ but is indulging in the physical and emotional reaction that I have to such things harming me in any way as an adult? ~ Not in my view, because I'm controlling (by my selection of partner, and agreement to it) how it happens to me. Take the Kink and Exploit it. IMHO that is an adult, mature response to my particular shape of glasswork. ~ Elektra

SWITCH24 -> RE: Beyond Understanding (7/22/2005 10:44:45 AM)
I think you are right on the money in many cases some people have been so abused by others they look for that, and when they cant find anyone at all to abuse them, someone that doesnt even care to do that. It makes them alone and feel very apart from the rest of the world, even though they were abused before and were already apart and seperated from the world because they couldn't ever really find anyone good to connect with them in life.So in lots of situations these people will eventually try to either be abused again or be abusive themselves or feel alone without anyone at all.

ProScatman -> RE: Beyond Understanding (7/22/2005 1:13:21 PM)
I have to agree with Stormsafe. I have studied Psychology, and know enough about it to know when to suggest someone get professional help. Somewhere here, there is a thread that lists professionals who are friendly to the BDSM community. I wish I could be more help to you, and give you the answers you need to just get back on Your Path in life, but I don't. I can only suggest you take some time off, and seek a counselor to evaluate your situation. Please give this some thought! You aren't a broken glass--you are a lady in need of help to repair a hurt soul, never give yourself any less. Mike

darkinshadows -> RE: Beyond Understanding (7/22/2005 1:23:23 PM)
quote: If I had a friend that was walking a dangerous path, I wouldn't walk along side offering support, I would do something, anything ... to knock them off that path and keep them from getting back on. They might hate me forever but they also might eventually see that at least one person gave a damn enough to do something to help, without making them debase themself to beg for help. They might hate me, detest me even, but at least they would still have the only thing they feel they have left, their pride. If someone was walking a dangerous path - then you cannot physically knock them off it without causing some sort of bruising to yourself or injury to the other. The best solution is to be there with the shears if its covered in brambles, or grappling hooks if theres a cliff in the way - and offer them these tools and stand there as encouragement and support to hold the rope, or remove the brambles - but its they themself who must accept the tools and use them for themself. You can certainly offer an alternative route, but they have to take the choice to walk the one they want - with you beside them if they wish t and you can offer... Peace and Love

subcheryl -> RE: Beyond Understanding (7/22/2005 3:42:31 PM)
dark-angel and pinkpleasures, yes this is someone very very close to me, my little sister. It breaks my heart to see her struggle and to know that I have finally found what I have with Master. I have always been a fixer, and yes I know I cannot fix anything or anyone that does not want to be fixed. I have been trying to work with her to see her own worth, the gift of love and nurturing that she has to offer, and to see that not all things in her past has to be negative but can be used to improve how she looks at things in the future, sometimes I think we make strides, and at other times it is like she slides even further back into the hole of dispare. She has tried therapy for some issues in her life but it just doesn't seem to help. All she wants is someone who will love her, nurture her and let her give of her love and nurturing nature. I have tried to help her see the good in herself, and to see the things that she can change and except, but really don't know how to show her how to do it since some of these issues are things I have never experienced. But I do thank you for understanding and for reaffirming in some ways I am doing right just by being there for her and letting her vent as needed. Thank you again.

MasterTemujin -> RE: Beyond Understanding (7/29/2005 8:18:57 PM)
I would like to say that first O/one should be mentally, emotionally, and physically stable before entering into any type of bdsm relationship. Entering into a relationship in any condition other than stable will only set the relationship up for failure from the very begining. F/friends can help you heal but professional help cannot be over rated. I have also in the past entered into a relationship where I tried to be the hero and fix one that was not whole. It did not work out at all. R/S, Master Temujin

IronBear -> RE: Beyond Understanding (7/29/2005 8:28:38 PM)
quote: Ok, I have a question. Is it possible for someone who is "broken" by past poor relationships, feelings of being used in these relationships for sex and money, to be mended through a gently, loving, faithful relationship? Are there Doms out there who can take such a "broken" item and mend it again with consistant efforts and building of trust. The simple answer is YES. There are Masters and Mistresses out here that can help and nurture the healing process. This can be aided if they have access to a BDSM friendly Counsellor. The secret is to find the person who can interact with the wounded one.

tedibare -> RE: Beyond Understanding (9/18/2005 1:44:19 PM)
i can put in my 2 cents here... as a survivor of childhood abuse, i had no control over it... i couldnt say "ok thats enough, i cant handle anymore please stop" within the context of bdsm i can regain some of that, i can say "hey im done, my body cant take anymore" the ability to use a safe word gives me back something i lost as a child, a sense of some control, in addition to a sense of someone who will listen and love me. a child looses much when they are abused, so do adults, tho i cant really say much on that subject. for me bdsm IS part of my healing process... i dont come on and whine and complain and ask for people to give me pats on the back, personally im here because i have an honest interest in the subject and because i hope to hear from other people who do, preferably without being told im "wrong" "closeminded" "a freak" or anything else... yes im broken and yes the parts are slowly coming back together, and bdsm gives me some of the glue needed tedi

pinkpleasures -> RE: Beyond Understanding (9/18/2005 2:20:43 PM)
quote: This is strange thinking, perhaps even sick ... but for some people those feelings are so real, and they will not go away. The represent an urge you cannot fight and a battle you will never win. You can deal with the pain of abuse, but cannot deal with the emptiness of feeling unwanted, so unwanted that someone will not even take the time to abuse you. That feeling defeats you. And yet, there will never be enough pain to feel pleasure, and never enough hurt to make you feel any worth. It seems beyond understanding. caitlyn Life is a long, winding trail with many twists and turns; being involved in BDSM at this point in your life has its ups and downs. Most people your age need to "finish" working on their personalities; especially ones who were once -- but are no longer -- abused. Mix in TPE and it must be very confusing. i would urge you to find a therapist sympathetic to your BDSM interests and work hard on whom you wish to become...email me if you need help finding low-cost therapy. pinkpleasures

EvilGeoff -> RE: Beyond Understanding (9/18/2005 2:26:58 PM)
Hi caitlyn, Please see my replies on the Rant: Abuse, Cheating, Worthlessness thread. They touch on some of the issues here. No need to re-invent the wheel .... YIK,

pinkpleasures -> RE: Beyond Understanding (9/18/2005 2:27:36 PM)
quote: Ok, I have a question. Is it possible for someone who is "broken" by past poor relationships, feelings of being used in these relationships for sex and money, to be mended through a gently, loving, faithful relationship? Are there Doms out there who can take such a "broken" item and mend it again with consistant efforts and building of trust. I know of such a person, and she so much wants someone who she can give the nurturing and desires to serve to, but is so afraid of rejection that it has almost crippled her. subcheryl In my opinion the answer is "no". The sufferer must mend herself -- through therapy or elsewise -- to muster the strength to submit and not turn the D/s relationship into a quasi-theraputic one in which both parties lose. pinkpleasures

CitizenCane -> RE: Beyond Understanding (9/18/2005 7:49:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterTemujin I would like to say that first O/one should be mentally, emotionally, and physically stable before entering into any type of bdsm relationship. Entering into a relationship in any condition other than stable will only set the relationship up for failure from the very begining. F/friends can help you heal but professional help cannot be over rated. I have also in the past entered into a relationship where I tried to be the hero and fix one that was not whole. It did not work out at all. R/S, Master Temujin "Should", huh? People should be mentally, emotionally and physically stable before having kids, too (oh, did I forget 'financially'). Or before getting behind the wheel of a car. Or making a major financial decision. Sheesh. Just not gonna happen. Cane

lonewolf05 -> RE: Beyond Understanding (9/19/2005 6:06:18 AM)
quote: ... what makes you interested in this, what do you hope to get out of this? What are you looking for here? That's a hard question to even understand, much less answer. ----------- dunno. "I" always found it too easy to answer myself........ but it's a me thing. wolfie

firefighteremt -> RE: Beyond Understanding (9/19/2005 10:22:41 AM)
I agree that is a narrow minded view of spanking. I think people in general put too much emphasis on wanting to label things. Not everything has to be defined and sorted out as either this or that.

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