MemphisDsCouple
Posts: 146
Joined: 11/1/2004
From: Memphis, TN, USA
Status: offline
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The Role of Commitment:
quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Still, perhaps I am just somewhat anal about people I allow in my house, in close proximity, or sharing the details of my personal life.
I hear TPE and 24/7 and I think of this as mostly a live-in situation.
Personally, I'm a very private person. I did not suggest taking someone straight off the internet and moving her into my bed. I think what I'd do is a move in stages, perhaps moving the person into an apartment near me if she were from far away.
Hey, this is a test. Everything is a test. If that's what pleases me, that's what she does. If she doesn't want to do that, then she doesn't want to serve me. If she has another idea I will be interested in hearing it.
quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
In a fantasy situation where a dominant could really mold the person, you have to assume first of all that the person can and will change. Sure, it's a great fantasy to believe you are going to be a real TPE slave, but when push comes to shove, how many would really go through with it? Would they break habits? Would a messy person become clean at once? Would a smoker just quit cold turkey? Would someone with an annoying habit of interrupting just force themselves to change years of conditioning? How much micromanaging would be required? Is it worth that time on the part of the dominant?
The Role of Commitment:
After thinking about your questions I realized I neglected to discuss a very important prerequisite. Regarding the examples of successful relationships not founded on the modern prerequisites of love, compatibility and so on that I cited when I first answered your post, it is important to note that in each and every case there was/is a strong commitment to the relationship on the part of the participants. Indeed, it could be said that the participants were committed to the relationship above their commitments to either themselves or to the other person in the relationship. They were willing to sacrifice of themselves in order for the relationship to succeed.
Without this extraordinary level of commitment to the relationship, without the driving commitment to the ideal of service to the dominant, and without the commitment to the ideal of molding, improving and training the submissive to be the perfect servant on the part of the dominant - I don't think there is much hope for the relationship to succeed.
Frankly, I think a shortage of commitment to the relationship is one of the primary causes of the high failure rate of even the vanilla relationships in our society. I think an over-riding commitment to the relationship is needed for most any relationship to succeed. I think in our "me" culture we haven't been taught nearly enough about commitment to the relationship itself.
For the submissive I think it is easier to see where she must/would be willing to subrogate "self" and could achieve this extraordinary level of commitment to service and to the relationship. This is not a far-fetched concept. In the 80's we saw this type of commitment displayed by Japanese workers to their employers. In point of fact, the specialized combat forces such as Seals, Rangers and so on, instill and demand this level of commitment. It is called esprit de corps, I believe. A large portion of the training for these specialized services consists of trying to make the applicants quit. The trainers try to make applicants give up. Only those trainees with an extraordinary level of commitment to the ideal of becoming a Ranger or a Seal are able to complete the training and enter these services. That is the kind of commitment to the ideal of service that a submissive would have to have. Frankly, that is something I treasure.
Some of your questions address the dominant's commitment. In order to help see the concept I'm trying to convey clearly, I'll offer an example. When we take a pet, that pet comes with problems. Vets, house training, other training, feeding, exercise.... and more. Taking a human is magnifying those responsibilities and problems for the owner many, many times over.
quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
If the dominant or couple has a lot of friends in and out, or work associates, or relatives, is this 24/7 TPE slave going to be immediately appropriate, presentable, polite?
Teach her. Send her to school. Send her to art class, cooking school, high school, college, speech class, deportment (social skills) class, buy her the clothes you want her to wear..... you're in the driver's seat. Drive the bus! Sequester her in her room when people come over until she learns enough that you are proud of her.
If she is slovenly, teach her tidiness. Use the carrot and the stick. (Perhaps literally candy and a stick? LOL) If she is a smoker, lock her in her apartment for a week or two (or a month) or whatever until she's over it. Get her counseling. Get her a prescription. Get her the patch.
That's a lot isn't it? And I'm sure a lot more things come up. So, for the dominant, how is that different from any other relationship? It differs in two big ways. First, in magnitude. There is a lot more responsibility than in a 'nilla relationship. In a 'nilla relationship we expect our lover to come pre-socialized and pre-civilized (and more!) to match up with us. And second, at least in the d/s relationship there is a driver, there is authority, there is structure to which everyone has agreed. So, to the dominant I say: Drive the bus!
Is it worth it for the dominant? Having a pet is definitely *not* worth it for a lot of people. To others, it is so worth it that they have several pets...... Shrug..... Only each of us individually can answer that question for ourselves.
As a dominant, I have to ask myself before entering a relationship: Is this worth it? Am I willing to do this? Am I willing to see this through? I have never met a girl who was ready/prepared/trained/molded to serve and please me when I met her. Any girl I take, is me taking on a monstrously huge, long-term commitment and task.
quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
There are very important, large issues that cannot be immediately put to rest just with the premise, "Well, the slave will be a TPE slave, and what I don't like, I can change." It's a nice fantasy. I'd be interested to hear how many times it worked out that way -- specifically, in a Femdom/malesub situation --
I have little knowledge of, and little interest in, the femdom thing so I can't help you there.
But just looking around I'd say that what I'm describing is attempted on a very rare basis and succeeds even more rarely. Personally, I have experience with this but I don't think many others do. It happens but it's exceedingly rare.
quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
where none of the criteria I listed mattered but it still worked out fine. Ie, they are not romantic, not sexual, not intimate.
On this point perhaps I was not clear. Or perhaps you misunderstood. Or perhaps a little of both.
I did not say these things did not matter. I specifically said:
quote:
ORIGINAL: MemphisDsCouple
The emotional bonds can, and usually do, naturally flourish. I think it would be indescribably more difficult to *not* love a submissive who lived to please me and who made herself putty in my hands than it would be to love her. Indeed, how could I not love her?
Postscript:
You are welcome to print or save this post for your own use. Please do not copy it to any public or semi-public forum (including email groups/lists) without my express permission. Thanks. All rights reserved. (I write this postscript because after-the-fact someone wrote to me to inform me that they had copied a prior post I wrote to another list. So, I thought I'd better clarify what my preference/policy is regarding use of what I write.)
B. (the male half of MemphisDsCouple)
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RE: 24/7/365-slavery: possible - 
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