RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2)

RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) (Full Version)

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lonlyrossInNeed -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) (9/18/2007 7:08:33 PM)
I don;t believe in lying about anything unless it is something like a promise you promised to keep and someone harasses you to tell it then its OK to lie and tell someone something different but never lie its not good Carma

painlovingsub -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) (9/18/2007 8:01:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: teamnoir It seems to me that number of partners speaks to a certain breadth of experience. Another interesting question would be to depth of experience which might comparably be gauged by asking how long was someone's longest long term relationship. Not to seem disrespectful, Sir, but i would be inclined to disagree with that statement. First of all, i don't see any reason to lie about the length of a relationship or to lie about anything for that matter. Trust, to me, is very important. In regards to Your statement, "It seems to me that number of partners speaks to a certain breadth of experience." i don't feel that the number of partners, or length of relationships have anything to do with "experience". That's irrelevent. You can be with only one partner and have more experience in things than someone who has had several partners. Jmo...

SirCache -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) (9/18/2007 8:14:32 PM)
I see no reason to lie. Presumably someone thinks the question has value, but I would certainly frame everything into the proper context. I'm married and have been for over a decade--by the same token, in my younger days I've had relationships that lasted barely a day.

xoxi -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) (9/19/2007 1:02:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I think the fact that you think that history of the type of men you attract and type of relationships you get into is going to LESSEN the perception that you have bad judgement and issues with men and sex is in itself very telling. Huh. The first relationship ended because he lost interest and met someone else. That's pretty much why most relationships end - the other person thinks they can do better. The second time she fell for a gay man who was trying to hide that and live a 'normal' life by settling down and marrying a woman - she lives in Kansas FFS is that so hard to believe? And the third time (which is the ONLY one that would raise any red flags about 'bad judgement') she was the one who left an abusive situation. Yeah it was bad to get into it, but she also got out of it. I can't imagine telling anyone who lives in the Bible Belt and whose husband came out after they got married "well that's because you have bad judgement with men." Sexual orientation is something people are VERY good at hiding, with the proper motivation. DBG - don't even worry about that. I think you need better screening skills, but I think that once you are in a relationship with the right man you would make an awesome girlfriend. It's just the rocky beginnings that need a bit of work [;)]

teamnoir -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) (9/20/2007 4:55:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feastie What are you doing, writing a paper? Using the people on the boards as your personal research pool? No, just curious.

teamnoir -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) (9/20/2007 4:59:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: painlovingsub In regards to Your statement, "It seems to me that number of partners speaks to a certain breadth of experience." i don't feel that the number of partners, or length of relationships have anything to do with "experience". That's irrelevent. You can be with only one partner and have more experience in things than someone who has had several partners. Jmo... I do think that they are at least loosely correlated in many cases and therefor not irrelevant. However, I agree that they are not strictly correlated.

SunnyTawse -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) (9/20/2007 5:46:06 PM)
What I'd like to know is... what's the benefit of lying? You are who you are, and that's going to speak louder than anything you can say. Sunny

goddessAVA -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) (9/20/2007 8:13:55 PM)
Well I was married for 7 years, with him 10, was I monogamous....well I have never been and have learned to be honest about this limitation of mine. I do not keep a count of partners, just use safe sex practices and get tested often, is "I don't know" a lie? oh well if it is.

JustMiss -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) (9/20/2007 9:23:03 PM)
Sometimes I find myself not wanting to admit my number of partners. The reason for this is only because I married the person that I lost my virginity to and he has been the only person I've ever been with sexually. I dislike the idea of someone automatically assuming I have no experience though, because he's very open-minded and has indulged me on many occasions, always allowing me to experiment with him. My long-term relationship, to date, has been nearly nine years. I'm not afraid to admit that part. I'm really quite proud of it. It's just the fact that I've only had one person in my entire life that I sometimes don't want to admit.

AFlyInYourWeb -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) (9/20/2007 9:35:41 PM)
Lying is rather pointless. First you tell one lie to avoid Issue A. Eventually, Lie A will need supporting lies to maintain the fiction. Then the Support lies will need support, This eventually creates a complex structure with shifting load factors. It really is only a matter of time before one of those many lies trips you up. When it finally does, not only do you have to face [probably suddenly] dealing with Issue A, but simultaneously, you now have to deal with being caught in one or more lies. It ain't pretty. But, that isn't why I try to keep it real. Remembering all those lies is a damned nuisance, and I'm just too lazy to bother [sm=smile.gif]

KiandPhoenix -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) (9/20/2007 9:56:38 PM)
I don't lie about anything. I decidd a long time ago that I hated to hide myself away, and now. I typically tell the names and quanity of previous partners I have had, including what type of ext we had (I.E. I just did oral on her, or we fucked like rabbits). I also talk about legnth of time in each. Mostly because all my long term relationships except one were three years long. Incidently the longest working relationship Phoenix was in is also three years. Our wedding date is set at the four year mark of our relationship. ~Ki edit to add: It is hard to lie anyhow when most of your ex's are still in your life, and attending your family christmas, babysitting for you, and staying in your hotel room at visioncon with you and your new girl.

laurell3 -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) (9/20/2007 11:37:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 Quite frankly, the whole question is absurd. The past is the past. And generally should be left there. My past is like everyone else's. There are things I'm proud of, and things I'm ashamed of. Both together make me the person I am today. Regardless of the past, whomever I am with is relating to the person I am today. If I'm going to be judged for who I was, the person judging is likely not going to be around me for very long. Judge who I am now, or go away. I agree. Everyone has a past, if you dig enough you can always find something on anyone. I don't lie I tell them it's not their business, I can't say I've been asked this question since high school though, thank god.

RumpusParable -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) (9/20/2007 11:44:11 PM)
I lie about neither. Nor do I "keep it private" as some do who aren't comfortable with what they've done or not done or how they'll be perceived for their answers. I'd as soon lie about my past experiences romantically and sexually as I would how many times I've been to a theme park or eaten ice cream or watched for falling stars or fallen down a cliff or... you get the idea. What I've done and what I do is part of who I am and I'm uncomfortable with none of it in any way. It seems silly to lie about any such things... and I'm one to ask a partner or friend, and likely to end the relationship or at least downgrade it greatly if I find they've lied in their answer. Because of the lie itself and what it says of their views on their past. How one has handled themselves in relationships and sexual situations, the choices they've made, the reasons why, etc are a large part of a person's personality. One's sexual and romantic self is hugely who a person is and their over all values and beliefs shape these things and are shaped by them. When I want to know someone, that's a huge portion of their selves for them to lie about or withhold.

desertdancer -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) (9/21/2007 2:30:08 AM)
Gosh, there's no point in telling a lie. Lies are almost always found out some way or another, so it's better to save myself the trouble of trying to remember a fib and just stick to the truth. That said there's not much to my past, I could lie and say I'd had more, but why? There'd be no reason really, my hubby would be dissapointed in me if I woke up and randomly telling stories. Nobody on the boards cares how many people I've been with, neither do my friends or family. Maybe if I were younger I'd be intrested in telling a fib or two, but at 32 I'm over it all and just stick to the truth. ~dancer

Vendaval -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) (9/21/2007 6:33:28 PM)
I feel no need to lie about length of relationships or number of partners. Neither do I feel the need to volunteer every detail of my previous sexual/relationship experiences.

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