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disorder in the court - 9/18/2007 1:47:35 PM   
kshearsecouple


Posts: 171
Joined: 3/7/2007
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Disorder In The Court...

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court,

Word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while

These exchanges were actually taking place.

____________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

____________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

___________ ______ _____________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

_____________________________________ _ ;

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it

Until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe
the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?


WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table

Wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?

_____________________________________

--- And the best for last: ---

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have
been alive and practicing law.
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RE: disorder in the court - 9/18/2007 3:03:16 PM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline
You gotta put this in Humor.

T

(in reply to kshearsecouple)
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RE: disorder in the court - 9/18/2007 4:54:11 PM   
mischievousone


Posts: 164
Joined: 8/15/2007
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Love it!

(in reply to Termyn8or)
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RE: disorder in the court - 9/18/2007 5:48:06 PM   
kshearsecouple


Posts: 171
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline
I'm not in the humor?? hmmmmmmm

(in reply to mischievousone)
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RE: disorder in the court - 9/18/2007 6:51:38 PM   
LivingInSin


Posts: 326
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline
LMAO!!

_____________________________

*Instead of complaining that rose bushes have thorns, rejoice that thorn bushes bloom*

*Myth says that only the woman who has been an utter slave can be truly free------this is no myth*


(in reply to kshearsecouple)
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RE: disorder in the court - 9/18/2007 7:41:23 PM   
ferriemistie


Posts: 51
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline
ohhhh damn

(in reply to LivingInSin)
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RE: disorder in the court - 9/19/2007 2:32:24 AM   
seeksfemslave


Posts: 4011
Joined: 6/16/2006
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Love the quotes.
Hope they are all true, especially those that show how stupid some lawyers can be when they are no doubt trying lead up to something "clever"

(in reply to kshearsecouple)
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RE: disorder in the court - 9/19/2007 1:30:45 PM   
servantheart


Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
Unbelievable!!!!  

Thanks for sharing these....too funny!
 
Taryn


_____________________________

When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

(in reply to kshearsecouple)
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RE: disorder in the court - 9/19/2007 5:19:13 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
LOL I have to buy that book, thanks for sharing.
l

(in reply to servantheart)
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RE: disorder in the court - 9/20/2007 10:25:37 PM   
winterlight


Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline
i have seen most of these before. Good for a chuckle again... LOL

(in reply to laurell3)
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