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Race Play Taboo - 9/18/2007 2:23:48 PM

SuddenDepth

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/18/2007
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I'm a black man who loves aggresive women. I have a fetish for the N-word play during sex. I find it extremely arousing to have the woman I'm with use the word during sex (other racial slurs as well). I think it has something to do with the taboo surrounding such words as well as the sense of unbridled lust and aggresion involved. However, I find it difficult to share this with some women. How do I get them to realize that it's okay to use these words in this context? I appreciate the sensitivity to the issue but I want her to understand that it's "our little thing" and that she should feel no guilt for using these words and enjoying every minute of it. When we're having sex we're divorced from the rest of the world and all that matters is us. No one will be offended. Am I just too wierd?

Post #: 1

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/18/2007 2:34:49 PM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

No, you're in the right place for your level of weirdness, so welcome. I don't understand race play much, and had to come to terms with/answer for myself the question of "could I take a black man as a slave?" I am able to separate things in a way that feels good nowadays, and haven't a single problem with two adults playing with whatever makes them hot in the privacy of their own space. M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMaam -- 9/18/2007 2:37:00 PM >

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Post #: 2

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/18/2007 2:40:15 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

I'm a white girl so I can't relate to that exactly, but I love being told I'm just a pretty helpless little girl, and that I'm just there to please my man, and five thousand other things I would slap a stranger for telling me. And it's hard enough to get a guy to accept that it's ok to say *those* things to me...so I can see where your frustration would come in.

I guess the hard part might be that even though a woman sees you as her slave, her toy, or her property, she still might find it hard to use such derogatory language such as the N-word. I would recommend talking to her about what the word means to you, and more importantly, what it means to her. If a woman grew up in Alabama and heard that word ten times a day from relatives and strangers, she might be more hesitant to use it than a woman who grew up in a liberal northern community where everyone she knew was racially open minded....because she would know she isn't really a racist, and that it's just a word.

I wish you the best of luck with this...it might be hard to find but eventually you'll find someone who is ok with it...they might even enjoy it

(in reply to FullfigRIMaam)

Post #: 3

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/18/2007 2:42:21 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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No, not too weird. Lots of us have fun one way or another with taboos during sex.

Best way to get this going with someone would likely be to address it with a trusted and regular partner. Not with someone new or casual (unless, of course, you find you two clique that way... sometimes it happens).

Most folks who are even going to be up for this play at first will likely be hestitant and need to talk it out with you. So find someone who that's a possibility with, that there's that comfort and communication with.

As with most everything, it's just a matter of finding that right person and talking to them.

I know I've startled my spouse with some things that have come out of my mouth during sex, even years into our marriage. But I can bring stuff up to him beforehand and be okay knowing that even if it weirds him out, he'll hear me out. So find someone where you can at least feel safe telling them, that's the first step.

You're on an alternative lifestyle and sexuality site. This gives you the opportunity to meet folks who admit to liking things sometimes frowned on, even if they don't like what you do. So add it to your profile, just as you've put it here: that you're just looking to play with the taboo during sex, with no loss of respect when outside the bedroom. Here and sites similar you have the opportunity to be upfront about this interest, that gets through part of the problem.

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(in reply to SuddenDepth)

Post #: 4

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/18/2007 6:16:53 PM

MadMadamX

Posts: 4
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

I don't think you're weird at all. I find race play fascinating because it *is* such a taboo. And what's hotter than breaking taboos?!

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 5

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/18/2007 6:31:25 PM

KruelMistressK

Posts: 13
Joined: 7/27/2007
Status: offline

Be honest and direct. Say, "I love to be called blank while you're blanking me."

If you get a quizical stare, tell them everything you've just told us. And don't judge me for spelling quizical wrong!

(in reply to MadMadamX)

Post #: 6

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/18/2007 8:30:33 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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To Me, it's little different from those girls who love to be called slut and whore ... but only by their Master! Basically you are in the right group to find someone who might be willing to push that taboo ... good luck!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Post #: 7

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/19/2007 4:02:05 AM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

I'll add to the not weird. Now this is not a place I can go with everyone. Cause I actually need to know this doesn't come from an ugly place in them. But 1.5 years into my current relationship, knowing he loves me, it is a term of endearment we both love, which gets his Cock hard. Couldn't have gone there day 1.

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Post #: 8

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/19/2007 5:00:32 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I see nothing at all wrong with this, in fact my best friend is a black Domme who owns a white slave. She calls him "n word" all the time and thinks nothing of it. I know we've been out in public once or twice and she has called him this in a rather loud voice and gotten a few looks but nothing more than that. I think its a humilation game they play. I say as long as both people like it and its not hurting anyone, why not?

Good luck,
~Lashra

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Post #: 9

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/19/2007 5:38:07 AM

flatworm00

Posts: 11
Joined: 7/27/2007
Status: offline

This is a very interesting question. I have often wondered myself about that. I don't think that is weird and I do think you are in the right place to find someone. If you are a slave an like being a slave then the N word would fit right in. Even though I am white, I think it would be neat to have my Top call me the N word...kind of re-enforces the fact that I belong to her and that she can call me whatever she want or do to me whatever she wants. Very interesting...thanks for posting.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 10

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/19/2007 7:41:12 PM

flowspen

Posts: 133
Joined: 5/5/2007
From: Memphis
Status: offline

First we share the same feelings on this thought, as i have always seeked race play within the BDSM. i can tell you that what worked for me was just being me and just being open and honest about it, why i wanted it, why i enjoyed it and even what i got from it. After telling the first person who was actually vanilla they accepted me and they didn't make me feel like i was weird by being a black man seeking to be called the "N" word by a White Woman. it became easier after that and now i have a few friends from this site who call me the "N" word all the time. A few of them even said they felt relieved becuase they always had a desire to explore that but they felt that black men would reject it because of American history. Now when i first am getting to know someone in this lifestyle and they want to know more about me, i talk about it and so far no one has rejected me for it. Just be you and you will find others who think and feel as you do about this subject.

peace!

(in reply to flatworm00)

Post #: 11

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/19/2007 7:47:17 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

I don't think it's weird. I will see if I can dig up an old post sharing thoughts on the matter.

Midori has done a seminar about this topic. If you are able to catch this seminar, I think you would enjoy it.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to flowspen)

Post #: 12

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/19/2007 8:32:56 PM

LadyAlzara

Posts: 38
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline

Having grown up in the rural south...I was taught what I was not supposed to say....or think...or do, for that matter. 'Good Girls' this and that, that O/our Mothers teach U/us as soon as W/we leave the eviroment of Our living rooms. God, don't embarrass Mama in public. Being that racial slurs were such a part of My upbringing, I was always somewhat embarrassed to play with racial taboos. In the back of My mind, was the mantra...I don't really think this do I. After awhile....I began to like the looks and the "oh, shit" expression when I was 'in a mood'. So long as the submissive understands and enjoys the verbal banter....there is no problem. Getting a new Domme to be comfortable with it, is the key. As O/others have suggested, feel out the Domme...know Her background as well as your own. you'll find that Goddess to play into whatever kink you have and use it to Her advantage.
Z

< Message edited by LadyAlzara -- 9/19/2007 8:34:26 PM >

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Post #: 13

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/19/2007 8:56:41 PM

MamaDomme

Posts: 283
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline

~~FR~~

I also was raised in the south and have the ingrained *No-No's* branded into my brain............ but, I was also a rebel so I have managed to enjoy most of what was taboo in my family.

I have only had a handful of opportunities to participate in race play over the years--- but I cherish each and every memory.

(in reply to LadyAlzara)

Post #: 14

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/19/2007 9:04:34 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

All you have to do is find a girl who isnt turned off by that sort of play in the bedroom. I call angel helpless, bitch, sissy....
Im sure it wouldnt be too much of a stretch to incorporate racial slurs. I dont find that language appealing in the bedroom or anywhere else. But I know Dommes, black and white, who do.

I have one domme friend who has 2 black slaves, one male and one female, and she calls them her little monkeys. *shrug* Its just how she is.

DV

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Post #: 15

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/19/2007 9:11:48 PM

blckmlslv

Posts: 42
Joined: 2/23/2004
Status: offline

You are not alone. I find nothing wrong with it as you can tell by my profile. Good luck in your search.

(in reply to FullfigRIMaam)

Post #: 16

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/19/2007 10:03:55 PM

AFlyInYourWeb

Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SuddenDepth

Am I just too wierd?

No, you're not weird.

I think your answer is to talk to the Domme straight up, and let her know that the N-word from her lips is erotic to you, and far from a slur. You may have to reassure more than once.

In the context of a mutually loving and trusting relationship, I think that racial play can add another dimension of unique excitement and intimacy.

(in reply to SuddenDepth)

Post #: 17

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/20/2007 12:13:41 AM

plantasionslave

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

Don't think about it. Just enjoy

(in reply to FullfigRIMaam)

Post #: 18

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/21/2007 8:41:32 PM

flowspen

Posts: 133
Joined: 5/5/2007
From: Memphis
Status: offline

DV... You know of Mistresses who enjoy this type of play?

(in reply to plantasionslave)

Post #: 19

RE: Race Play Taboo - 9/22/2007 6:43:13 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: flowspen

First we share the same feelings on this thought, as i have always seeked race play within the BDSM. i can tell you that what worked for me was just being me and just being open and honest about it, why i wanted it, why i enjoyed it and even what i got from it. After telling the first person who was actually vanilla they accepted me and they didn't make me feel like i was weird by being a black man seeking to be called the "N" word by a White Woman. it became easier after that and now i have a few friends from this site who call me the "N" word all the time. A few of them even said they felt relieved becuase they always had a desire to explore that but they felt that black men would reject it because of American history. Now when i first am getting to know someone in this lifestyle and they want to know more about me, i talk about it and so far no one has rejected me for it. Just be you and you will find others who think and feel as you do about this subject.

peace!

A wonderful example of how to get what you wanted when the topic/activity is a taboo.

I love also the last line -- not everyone will be into everything and but by being yourself and being honest you'll be able to find those that do.

flowspen, you are a wonderful addition to this site!

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(in reply to flowspen)

Post #: 20

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