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Follow Through - 9/19/2007 8:16:47 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		If you say you are going to do something ...DO IT!!...If you THINK you  will be able to do something then say THAT...but don't give an absolute, and then not follow through... you just look like a liar, or at the very least someone who can't be relied upon.

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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 8:21:32 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

If you say you are going to do something ...DO IT!!...If you THINK you  will be able to do something then say THAT...but don't give an absolute, and then not follow through... you just look like a liar, or at the very least someone who can't be relied upon.


Nods.......


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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 8:29:44 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		Could not agree more but it is a life fact some people in this world seem to think what comes out of their mouths is not a reflection on them when it turns out false.

Personal responsibility and class seems to be what we want from others but refuse to ask of ourselves far too often in society.



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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 8:45:33 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		I've always made it a point to toss the cards on the table in advance-the best and the worst case.

And see if someone can take it,or will just decline. I've also had people who wanted me to make promises I wasn't sure I could keep. In which case-I would just refuse. Sure, they would get dissapointed-but being a liar is always more so in the long run.

I don't have huge problems with ego-there's no constraint on admitting my limitations.

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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 8:48:29 AM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		I never make promises I know I can't keep for sure.

I promise to do my best but hey, sometimes shit happens. I believe in no absolutes in life. The only thing guaranteed to happen is death evetually.

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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 8:52:38 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		Yes Ma'am *S*

Actually I'm right on board with you here....Just tell me, for goodness sakes...that's all I ask.

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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 8:59:19 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks for the rousing support on this line of thinking...it was a rant pure and simple... Its just REALLY irritating when you are told something and it never happens, seriously...then DON'T make it an absolute...make it a maybe....

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 9:19:08 AM   
SolarAndViolet


Posts: 85
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

If you say you are going to do something ...DO IT!!...If you THINK you will be able to do something then say THAT...but don't give an absolute, and then not follow through... you just look like a liar, or at the very least someone who can't be relied upon.


Absolutely !!! That's just a huge, huge pet-peeve of mine! If you're not sure you'll be able to do what you say you will. Say that from the start. "I'm not sure, I'll try... but no guarantee... " The other person then will be then aware that there is a chance that things won't happen, and you won't look like an ass-liar.

Ok.. Not gonna go into a whole long rant about it. But thanks for this little chance :)

'violet'

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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 10:38:52 AM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		Hi there

You did not give a reference or background…I don’t know if you mean someone says something online or the phone one day then changes their mind the next…or do you mean once someone says something they should mean it forever.
I have sure changed my mind now and then. How many times have you made a statement or stated a position then new information, or even personal reflection, changed your mind. It is the same I’m sure in personal matters.

To me it is not the changing of a mind that is irritating…it is not telling the other person that you have changed it.
Butch

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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 10:55:22 AM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline 		False or broken expectations is one of my biggest pet peeves! I try to be an understanding person, stuff happens, and things come up that may or may not be avoidable. My personal philosophy is if I set an expectation on something, I am going to go through hell and high water if I have to to realize what I agreed to actualization.

It's really difficult pill for me to swallow when my expectations  fall short of what I receive (barring an errata), and it's hard for me to understand how others can come across as just.... kinda frivolous or wishy washy.

In short, consistency is pretty flipping important to me. A person can do a lot of things, but for the love of sanity, at the very least do what you say, and if you can't or don't want to, just bloody say so.


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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 11:26:35 AM   
SirCache


Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
Status: offline 		Excellent advice, and I'd like to add:  If you screw up and make a mistake, own up to it, and remedy it.

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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 12:51:54 PM   
Ponyboy7


Posts: 572
Joined: 1/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

If you say you are going to do something ...DO IT!!...If you THINK you  will be able to do something then say THAT...but don't give an absolute, and then not follow through... you just look like a liar, or at the very least someone who can't be relied upon.


Yes, this is absolutely true. I never say I will do something unless I know for sure that I can and will do it. This sometimes irritates people becasue I usually end up saying "I will try" or something similar, and they might want a concrete answer, which I cannot always give. On the flip side, I realize that unforseen events can occur, and I try to be somewhat understanding (depending on the situation) if others are not able to follow through with what they've said. Anyway, aside from extenuating circumstances, I will lose respect for those who do not follow through with what they've said.

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And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 2:18:56 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Yes...i agree completely that unforeseen circumstances can and do happen. That, in and of its self doesn't make the person a liar or the like....However, acknowledging something has come up would be the thing to do...also ....when SOMETHING is always "coming up" that gets a little old too though. 

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 2:35:40 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
If you say you are going to do something ...DO IT!!...If you THINK you  will be able to do something then say THAT...but don't give an absolute, and then not follow through... you just look like a liar, or at the very least someone who can't be relied upon. 


I'm with you on this 100%.  For me that's right up there with calling ahead to say you'll be late.  WTF!!!  Nobody said ya had to ask for permission...  Doms can be polite, too...just say you aren't able to make it, as planned.  PERIOD.
 
b

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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 2:54:13 PM   
NICouple


Posts: 31
Joined: 8/14/2006
Status: offline 		right up there (and related) "lets get together next tuesday" and you don't hear back from them for 3 weeks.

over and over and over again.

stuff happens. no question, but it only takes 3 minutes to call or e-mail or something.

thats one of the biggest signs of lack of consideration for other people and a major red flag for us. if you can't be bothered to let someone know you have no consideration for them at all.

and when they don't get that it is rude and get all upset because your upset. we've dumped more than one potential playmate over that one.


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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 3:02:05 PM   
Ponyboy7


Posts: 572
Joined: 1/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
....However, acknowledging something has come up would be the thing to do...also ....when SOMETHING is always "coming up" that gets a little old too though. 


I am with you 100% on that; if the person is not acknowledging her/his lack of follow through, then that is not acceptable. Moreover, if something is always coming up, that too is unacceptable. If it is a continual theme, then I would tend to no longer associate with that person; I need people who are reliable in my life; why should I have to expend my emotional energy on someone who does not seem to take me seriously?

_____________________________

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

Blake

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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 3:10:54 PM   
Ponyboy7


Posts: 572
Joined: 1/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NICouple
stuff happens. no question, but it only takes 3 minutes to call or e-mail or something.

thats one of the biggest signs of lack of consideration for other people and a major red flag for us. if you can't be bothered to let someone know you have no consideration for them at all.


Precisely; if something important has come up, then one should acknowledge it and, perhaps, apologize. Refusal to do so is demonstrative of an immense lack of consideration and respect for the other person. Furthermore, making a habit of events "coming up," as breatheasone mentioned, is equally disrespectful. Unfortunately, this appears to be a common motif for whatever reason(s).

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To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

Blake

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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 3:38:33 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Many people have a problem just saying, "NO".
I see this all the time.
I am very slow to commit to saying "YES" to a lot of things in life,
it makes life sooooo much easier.
 
Being free of having to always be "nice" and go along with saying yes and
making committments, is so empowering!

I rather you tell me NO, or I don't think so, or maybe, than be a "Yes person"
that is always backing out of situations and making flaky excuses.
 
Many people need to grow a damn spine, and just say NO in the first place.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 9/19/2007 3:41:20 PM >

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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 3:45:30 PM   
submittous


Posts: 345
Joined: 6/12/2004
Status: offline 		Yep, we too have to agree 100%. By far the most common complaint we have heard in bdsm runs something like "he said he would ........... , but he didn't".

Consistency is critical to successful bdsm relationships in our opinion.

Bill and Iris

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RE: Follow Through - 9/19/2007 4:02:20 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

If you say you are going to do something ...DO IT!!...If you THINK you  will be able to do something then say THAT...but don't give an absolute, and then not follow through... you just look like a liar, or at the very least someone who can't be relied upon.


Although having someone not follow through has [on many occasions throughout my life] annoyed me, the annoyance never lasts long, because of consequence.

I'm a big fan of consequence.  Absolute control is a myth insofar as not everything can be foreseen and planned for or acted upon [as iterated by others].  Therefore when something annoying happens, set a consequence, even something as simple and profound as, "You have broken my trust.".  Then live up to the consequence you set, or face the ugly reflection of irony.

If you don't believe that absolutes exist beyond the abstract, then everything is negotiable anyhow, so it renders any resulting anger impotent.


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