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when 'possible' doesn't pan out - 9/19/2007 9:35:57 AM   
DivaZya


Posts: 103
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline 		My breakfast messages were varied today, and I decided to answer this question in a more open forum - Here looks like the right place. This is the question posed and this is My answer with a bit of background info. I certainly hope there's no trouble asking for feedback here?

As he was wondering "I do see you get time to check your messages online, then why dont you get time to play?"  Here is an open version My answer:

"Play takes more than a few minutes in the morning I use to see if any of the girls I have been looking for has replied."

In My earlier in the week reply I also told him I am in interviews for employment. which should say that I am concentrating on the job at hand, as well as not having the inclination to spend funds to drive to where he is so that he get his time to lick My shoes or what3ver.

I let him see one option: "If you want to be here for the 12 minutes I sit down and eat My breakfast while I check My e-mail, and if watching Me do that is "play" for you- then fine - you can drive down to kneel beside My feet for that amount of time.
((Since you are not an intimate of Mine so you do not deserve to be My body valet for shower or dressing, I don't know you well enough to let you tidy My closet or go through My lingere drawer.))
Then you will leave and I will go to My work experience interning and non profit volunteering.  By the way - Fall quarter starts next week. I have to take a Saturday class."

By the time I get home, My Primary is already there, with a cuppa tea for Me, the meal at least set out to prepare; he offers Me comfort and a calm steady presence in My current gritty job search.
there may be an hour or so after that, but I'm done with dealing with things I have to do at that point - that is why I Play City of Villains. At least the buds that keep coming back to Me in that City, understand it is only for as long as I want, they know they have to be amusing, entertaining and helpful.

Echoing My words in the last phone call, I finished with :"This is as clear as I can make it. go on and find someone who is close to you and doesn't already have Her hands full of a Male who already does for Her.  It doesn't make sense to Me for you to be waiting and feeling frustrated for something that doesn't appear to be working."

*~@~*

Tappin' it out released any twinges of guilt for not being able to set up the play times a 'slave' wants even after I told him I was not in the mode for a high upkeep male. he lives more than an hour away, not bad actually for this lifestyle - but we are just not 'connecting' .
I have not 'accepted' him - he is still on "probation/trial time" he has trouble scheduling his time to come visit Me, to do service in My Dimension although he tells Me over and over how he moved out so that his roomates wouldn't know/so he could 'serve' Me in his apartment.
I still feel so/so about him, and I've told him to continue his search a few times already. I am not too busy for someone who can actually serve. ask My cub, a 6 year veteran and a good clean up boy!

I told him upfront at the first (only) meeting that I am a full time student and I must also do workstudy to pay My rent, food & utilities. Doesn't leave much time for more than the occasional weekend night play time.. and I am not motivated to go too far out of My way to indulge a male I wasn't looking for in the first place.

I wonder if anyone else has situations that just aren't working?





_____________________________

~ D/s isn't based on fantasies- it may be motivated by them, but reality must be dealt with, and sometimes sharply! ~
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RE: when 'possible' doesn't pan out - 9/19/2007 1:11:12 PM   
FullfigRIMaam


Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline 		You don't seem to have the time or resources to take him on.   He doesn't seem to have the desire, time or resources to come to you.  Why are you even trying to have him as a slave if you haven't the time/money, he doesn't either, and he can't make any special effort to come to you for play?   Who's dominating whom if it's up to you to make the drive to him and give him what he wants?!    M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMaam -- 9/19/2007 1:12:28 PM >

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to DivaZya)
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RE: when 'possible' doesn't pan out - 9/19/2007 3:40:56 PM   
WyckedIndulgence


Posts: 153
Joined: 8/17/2005
Status: offline 		I'm inclined to agree with RIM. If you have neither the time or resources and he has no inclination to even attempt to accomodate your circumstances then why bother and then feel guilty because your reality is what it is? He comes across as a "do me" boy with little regard for anything other than his own wants. Hardly one I would consider "slave" material much less submissive unless on his terms. If it were me, I'd manage my priorities, cut my lossess and proceed when in a situation where I could spend quality time with another outside of my primary relationship. Especially if there is no "connection".
 
As to your question, yes, I've had situations where it just wasn't working, for various reasons. When that happens, I'm not happy and the submissive won't be either. That's when I know it's time to end it... and I do. Some take it like an adult and respect/appreciate my honesty... others have some growing up to do.
 
 
Wyckedly Indulged...
~ Mz P

(in reply to FullfigRIMaam)
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RE: when 'possible' doesn't pan out - 9/19/2007 3:43:24 PM   
DivaZya


Posts: 103
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline 		Right you are FullfigRIMaam- I'm NOT trying to have him, wanna be 'slave' or otherwise.  No Dominating going on, that's most likely why I'm not interested.   In fact, I have so little invested here, I'm not bothered by his demands.

My question is " I wonder if anyone else has situations that just aren't working? "

 




_____________________________

~ D/s isn't based on fantasies- it may be motivated by them, but reality must be dealt with, and sometimes sharply! ~

(in reply to FullfigRIMaam)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: when 'possible' doesn't pan out - 9/19/2007 5:08:14 PM   
NefertariReborn


Posts: 381
Status: offline 		Just ended one.  Though you didn't have anything invested in yours, I did with Mine.  Lately the constant failures and the just off the wall excuses, cloak and dagger, dodging from family thing pressed every neurotic button I have.  I tried to get things back on track, so much so I doubted whether I was the dominant and he was the submissive.  Today was the first day of the other side though.  Acceptance that it just won't work, so I got rid of anything personal that belonged to him in My house and erased every puter file that send those subliminal messages to try just one more time.  I'm an extraordinary person if I do say so Myself and I deserve a whole lot better.  I intend to get it!

(in reply to DivaZya)
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RE: when 'possible' doesn't pan out - 9/20/2007 10:02:26 AM   
DivaZya


Posts: 103
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline 		aha, I think ther's more to the story - upon his reply, I saw something I hadn't before - he may not be service oriented that works best for Me.

he says he's not frustated. he tells Me he is worth not more than just a foot slave / boot licker for Me.
he goes on to say that he will wait for that chance and opportunity, please dont worry about his frustation.

I think this is the part that some of you have seen before:
"Any weekend if you are free and want to hv some fun I can be there and worship you / your body or anything that you want from me.... always crave to be under you..."

In this light, he has said what his want is and what he is most interested in doing for/to Me.
    I sent a little note back.  if he only wants to be a sexual toy, he needs to find a female that expects nothing more of him. maybe a girlfriend... and I told him : "scoot scoot, go look for her."

honestly, it's not as bad as "how to get rid of a slave" - I think he's just obsessed coz I am so close yet not obtainable in the ways he wishes.
     Maybe I'll try putting him on the Seattle Craig's list!


_____________________________

~ D/s isn't based on fantasies- it may be motivated by them, but reality must be dealt with, and sometimes sharply! ~

(in reply to NefertariReborn)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: when 'possible' doesn't pan out - 9/20/2007 10:05:51 AM   
MamaDomme


Posts: 283
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline 		lol---

I really must check out Craigslist!

(in reply to DivaZya)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: when 'possible' doesn't pan out - 9/20/2007 4:06:09 PM   
Rose4Mistress


Posts: 162
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline 		It definitely does happen.  A Dominant friend of mine (I'm not sure what else I should call her) and I are both full time college students and we both work.  Living four hours away was just not practical for either of us, so we decided to just call it friends.  Neither of us was  really looking at the time, so it wasn't a big letdown, and we are still friends.

Best of luck to you, though!

(in reply to MamaDomme)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: when 'possible' doesn't pan out - 9/20/2007 4:45:58 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Yes this has happened to Me,several times even,some were let down easy
and some didnt go down without a fight which just went to prove My point of why I choose to not have them around.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to DivaZya)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: when 'possible' doesn't pan out - 9/20/2007 6:37:56 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MamaDomme

lol---

I really must check out Craigslist!


Why yes you should. I've gotten some great deals on furniture there.

(in reply to MamaDomme)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: when 'possible' doesn't pan out - 9/21/2007 3:13:08 PM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		Diva? It happens all the time, that is why many of us do not have a serious relationship
with a submissive.
Many of us refuse to stop, drop and roll for a submissive.
If I meet someone who is not flexible, or who is demanding, the relationship is going to be
short lived.

< Message edited by LadyIce -- 9/21/2007 3:14:19 PM >

(in reply to DivaZya)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: when 'possible' doesn't pan out - 9/21/2007 4:15:41 PM   
MistressJewel27


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Westchester NY
Status: offline 		Dearest DivaZya:

It sounds as if you’re actually distressing about the demands of a troll.

No disrespect intended but I don’t understand what kind of dominant you’ve allowed yourself to become.  If you don’t have time or just don't want to be bothered with a troll then DON’T BE!  You stated that you haven’t professed ownership of this person so…. You don’t owe any explanations to the imp.  Nor are YOU obligated to help facilitate His fantasy – were he a proper man he wouldn’t expect YOU to travel to meet him, he would gladly and graciously facilitate YOUR wishes and meet You on YOUR terms.  I wouldn’t waste another second wondering about what a troll wants.

Drop him on his head and stop answering him.  Then PLEASE return to Your place of honor and reclaim Your throne.  NEVER does a Dominant bow down to accommodate a troll (they’re a dime a dozen, and a true Dominant is worth HER weight in GOLD). 
 
Submitted in SISTERHOOD,
Mistress Jewel
 
Dominant
Leading
Governing
Principal
Top
Foremost
Prevailing
Prime


submissive
compliant
obedient
subservient
docile
dutiful
meek
passive

_____________________________

Jewel the Diva

(in reply to DivaZya)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: when 'possible' doesn't pan out - 9/21/2007 9:19:09 PM   
DivaZya


Posts: 103
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline 		Well spoken, Mi Hermosa~
Glad that the 'Sisterhood' believes as fiercely as I - it's easy to remain confident.
And no, not fretting a bit; in fact he's probably as nice as any other dearly desiring to be a slave.  I did let him see My facts, as I posted most of his and My messages in this topic, so no worries.
I was actually wondering, is this so very common? To have met someone, not really connected - and just been too busy to go any further?

I expect that sometimes really decent males go kinda of crazy- looking, hoping and not getting any feedback or encouragement.
When I see smart words from a submissive; a great cheerful attitude, the certain sense of self knowledge - I enjoy sending along a few words intended to simply encourage them on their path.

There are a lot of fine submissives sincerely seeking - but they can't all belong to Me - where would I put them?  (( that stable, right? ))
Thank you for sharing your stories... I don't even think of them as 'the ones that got away'.

Always the best Diva~Zya

< Message edited by DivaZya -- 9/21/2007 9:34:11 PM >

_____________________________

~ D/s isn't based on fantasies- it may be motivated by them, but reality must be dealt with, and sometimes sharply! ~

(in reply to MistressJewel27)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: when 'possible' doesn't pan out - 9/22/2007 5:17:54 PM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		I have a different perspective

One woman's (hot) meat is another woman's poison

You are obviously not excited at the thought of playing with your slave.  Your mind is not brimming with wicked fantasies about him.  You aren't couting down the hours until your next wild and fantastic rendezvous

because

YOU just are not into him.

I think he is - quite rightly - sensing your ambivalence and feeling hurt.  Slaves are usually extremely sensitive men. His confusion and hurt does not make him a  "troll", it makes him a  very disappointed human being!

Bite the billet.  Tell him you are just not that into him. 

Keeping slaves dangling on vague promises of some play....maybe....one day if you feel like it ....when a Mistress is not too busy...is not dominant.   Being honest is dominant.

Get a slave that really rocks your world, Zya, and set the poor current "slave" free.  He deserves to find a Mistress that adores him.
 
And yes, it is very common to be excited by the fantasy of having a slave, but not actually connect with the slave as a human being with rights and feelings too.  Maybe just play casually with play partners until you have time in your life to give the relationship of Mistress/slave the effort it deserves.

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to DivaZya)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: when 'possible' doesn't pan out - 9/24/2007 11:53:33 AM   
ricar00


Posts: 45
Joined: 2/11/2006
Status: offline 		MsC,
I think your post is so "real" and describes a truth about the inner feelings of submissives/slaves.  They are often very sensitive, needing the "love" from a domme and the approval (as well as all the other good stuff that comes with being submissive/a slave. But they also want to know that the domme finds them special in some way, not just one of many.
richie

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: when 'possible' doesn't pan out - 9/24/2007 12:09:27 PM   
AFlyInYourWeb


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

YOU just are not into him.

Bite the billet.  Tell him you are just not that into him. 

Being honest is dominant.



IMHO, those four sentences sum it up.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: when 'possible' doesn't pan out - 9/25/2007 6:18:00 AM   
DivaZya


Posts: 103
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline 		Heyo, I had already done with said male when I posed the question.
Parting on good terms is one of the ways I am.  Sounds like a few simply block the ones who keep coming back, or feel responsible somehow if they still chat.
I do not casually collar or even play with them. Just because I've met them once does not mean I care to own them.  One reason there is a trial period - if nothing is going on, then no promises were broken.

  This was not about what I do with My current accepted males- the clean up boy of 6 years, and My Primary.
  This was not about Me trying to hang on to something I wasn't interested in.

My original post outlined this.

I don't feel bad because I never led him on. Perhaps if I had been more abrupt with him, he might have understood each time I told him to keep looking.  Too bad he's not found other Females to serve yet is all.

  Thank you Ladies who understood the point of My post, it is so easy to read more into simple type depending on one's own situation and personal history.

I suppose I've only had this one indifferent situation and I just wondered how the rest of you deal with so many offers of possibly good boys..if & when the spark doesn't click for each one.

Always the best Diva~Zya


_____________________________

~ D/s isn't based on fantasies- it may be motivated by them, but reality must be dealt with, and sometimes sharply! ~

(in reply to AFlyInYourWeb)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: when 'possible' doesn't pan out - 9/25/2007 7:15:55 AM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		When I have been indifferent to someone that I thought would be a great match... I usually wind up telling a Dominant friend about them...and then let them decide if they have a match or not ...... encourage him to find someone that has a great connection with him and become more of a friend ....

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to DivaZya)
Profile   Post #: 18
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