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Hello from Denver - 7/18/2005 10:45:46 PM

beenbadgirl

Posts: 10
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

Hello all you beautiful people!

I must say this is one of the nicest group of people I have met yet.

I am very new to all this and its so easy to feel intimidated, so this is like a breathe of fresh air.

I am very sexually submissive, but don't feel that i fit the "sub" mold. It has been my experience,thus far, that even amongst those who engage in ecclectic sexual practices, you are still pressured to fit yourself into some category. Oh the irony.

So i dont know what i am...i know i am a secure, confident person who yearns to have her "inner child" punished and my "outer Hetaerae" used.

I welcome any little tidbits any of you have to help me in my search.

Hugs and kisses
kim

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RE: Hello from Denver - 7/19/2005 2:53:24 AM

Botie2

Posts: 11
Joined: 6/30/2005
Status: offline

Hi

Very interesting points kim.

" So i dont know what i am...i know i am a secure, confident person who yearns to have her "inner child" punished and my "outer Hetaerae" used. "

I have never known a submissive that did not feel that way. Maybe they are not all confident, or maybe not all secure, but these are not necessarily submissive traits, but "yearns to have her "inner child" punished and my "outer Hetaerae" used. " certainly are.

I know that everyone is an individual, even with those that are ok with the "sub" label, still vary in weight, height, age, wealth, intelligence. And even the traits they consider submisive will have wild variations. There are limits, polygons, monogomous, limitless, with limits, 24/7, only in the bedroom, bi subs, straight subs and on it goes. Maybe submisive is just a general term for the offering up of control and has nothing to do with degree or time. Just and adaptation for the human need to bring things back to the lowest common demononator.

So I think you sound "generally submisive" (IMHO and with no offence intended) but are still an individual with individual needs that will have no corrolation with the needs necessarily of any other submisive.

Great thread. You certainly had me thinking.

(in reply to beenbadgirl)

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RE: Hello from Denver - 7/19/2005 5:17:44 PM

beenbadgirl

Posts: 10
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

So this triggered a small epiphany:

quote:

Maybe submisive is just a general term for the offering up of control and has nothing to do with degree or time. Just an adaptation for the human need to bring things back to the lowest common demononator

"lowest common denominator" At first i don't think i got the correct intent. i read it again and realized that i agree. We really are talking about some core needs. When society was less civilized, we had some pretty defined roles. Mostly, i would imagine, for survival's sake. It was like that for a long, long time. I dont know how you feel about it, but i think that stuff is programmed into our DNA.
Now roles are not so defined, and what i feel most right now is that i am lacking balance. Everyday, i have to take on various roles or tasks that don't come naturally to me. And i have to do it for tons of reasons.
What i need most is an opportunity so spend some part of my life getting to be a girl. Maybe it gets a little exagerated just to compensate for the fact that i don't really get follow my own human nature much.

Blah blah blah, right?

Well it was a pivotal moment for me anyway.

kim

ps. i think its real sweet how i requested a tidbit of knowledge and i got a whole glacier

(in reply to Botie2)

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RE: Hello from Denver - 7/23/2005 3:01:48 PM

sabis

Posts: 136
Joined: 6/29/2005
From: Midwest, USA
Status: offline

welcome to collarme, Kim. I wanted to say I really enjoyed your turn of phrase you used: "inner child punished and your outer Hetaerae used"... delicious imagery.

~ sabis

(in reply to beenbadgirl)

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RE: Hello from Denver - 7/30/2005 10:49:59 PM

Botie2

Posts: 11
Joined: 6/30/2005
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Hi Kim

I think we are dancing around the same thing. I imagine 20,000 years ago, men hunted and women gathered. Men protected and women nurtured. It took a million years or so for nature to perfectly program us that way. So perfect was the balance that nature bestowed strength onto men in order to hunt and protect. Women evolved to trust their men implestly in order to remain protected and in return, nature bestowed beauty and grace upon woman in order that the man would wnat to defend and protect her. 100 years or so ago, we changed our lifestyles so that the skills for the hunt, and the inherent trust women felt toward men became superfluos as we advanced technologically. But it takes more than a few hundred years before nature reprograms our makeup, particualrly when she took a million years to put it there. Most men still have a need to protect and women a need to be protected, with that comes a shift in power, subtle in a vanilla relationship, and very pronounced in a BDSM lifestyle. I know This is a very simplistic proposition and there are wild variations to this theme as there are to this lifestyle, but I am just exploring ideas with you because I too think it is in our DNA.

(in reply to sabis)

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RE: Hello from Denver - 7/31/2005 5:09:54 AM

ControlAndCare

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/13/2005
From: capital district, ny
Status: offline

welcome to the board, kim. you have summarized your inner conflict very well and i enjoyed reading the replies that followed.

i understand your sense of imbalance very well. i see it very often in women i grew up with. now,, i live in new york but i grew up in india. at those times asia very much was a traditional society with men as the primary wage earners and women taking care of the house hold. there were exceptions but that was the norm.

with the opening up of economy things are all changed. every body is expected to have a career and in effect make it big. men were always in that mould so nothing has changed except increased competition but its a new expectation for women. some feel comfortable with the new role and some do not.

in my opinion economic reasons aside, its an individual preference. and if a woman feels submissive inside, she needs to be accepted as such in her home atleast. so that after the work day is over and economic needs are met, she should find her balance back by being real again.

hope that helps.
G

(in reply to beenbadgirl)

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