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Death of a Master's spirit/ How can one help a Master? - 9/19/2007 11:37:27 AM   
ignitexx


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		This girl has come here with a few questions. A friend recently came to me with the below situation and asked for my opinion and suggestionss.  She has been faced with a quandry.  This girl found herself facing several thoughts and having no answers. So she came here for some opinions and felt that you folks in most cases are as real as it comes.

Older Master 30+ yrs experience
sub/slave 15+ yrs experience

Situation: Master facing very apparent "Master Spirit Passioin Burnout"

He is unable to motivate himself into action re: anything lifestyle related with his subbmissive. He uncoinsiously absorbs himself into other activities, not realizing that his passions have been mis directed. It seems that only in front of others does he seem to have the confidence to take control, but it is never maintained in the home.

They have been together for 1.5 years. This behavior has been for the last 8 months.

The subbmissive has been told that she is an exemplary slave and that it has nothing to do with her. It is demons in his own head.

What do you believe is going on here?

What would you suggest that she do to assist him in overcoming this block or in terminating the relationship?

Any other thoughtss?

Looking forward to some discussion on what this girl believes is a very common yet undiscussed issue on the part of the Masters.

Thanks again for your time,

ignitexx
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Death of a Master's spirit/ How can one help a Master? - 9/19/2007 11:50:26 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		If he's been fighting demons in his own head for 8 months, then it is obvious that he isn't going to be successful in this fight alone.

Tell him to go to a psychologist to be assessed for depression. If he is depressed then he needs the appropriate medication and therapy.

Personally, people have problems and I will always stand by them during their problems as long as they are getting the help they need. But refusing to get help? Bringing the people who love them down with them willfully? That's when I walk.

This isn't a bdsm issue, it's depression. It's taking all his energy to deal with the outside world so when he comes home he hasn't any strength left. He needs to get help stat.

(in reply to ignitexx)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Death of a Master's spirit/ How can one help a Master? - 9/19/2007 12:05:23 PM   
ignitexx


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you.  This girl beleives  you have mentioned some very important issues. She will pass them on.

For future posters

Added notes He is retired and rarely leaves the home, so no forseen outside issues to deal with. Others from outside try to interact with him but, describe him as rude, uninterested and eventually give up.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Death of a Master's spirit/ How can one help a Master? - 9/19/2007 12:11:13 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Depression probably. Very common in retired males because men frequently define themselves by what they do and once they don't do anything anymore, they don't view themselves as people of value.

Additionally, when was the last time he had a physical. There are illnesses that can cause depressionlike symptoms. He should get a physical and the doctor should know ahead of time that this is what's going on because he won't tell the doctor.

(in reply to ignitexx)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Death of a Master's spirit/ How can one help a Master? - 9/19/2007 12:35:53 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		I come to this answer as a person who went through something similar and a person who works in the health field.

There may or may not be anything physically or mentally wrong with him and I will refuse to guess or relate personal experiences to a stranger no matter how much a person writes about him. I will suggest though a starting point is to get checked out physically and mentally if true behavior changes not just interests changes and can convince him to.

On a personal experience level my former Master was twenty-seven years older then me and about five years into our turned out to be seven year relationship he loss his desire/effort for M/s and sex. Again I will not cloud up this message with personal reasons but in my relationship my former Master decided change from the path we were heading was not needed.

My comments are if needs are not being met that communication must be established and the problem actually worked on. If he is unwilling to seek out help, feels this is natural burnout or just thinks nothing is really wrong and cannot see what the big deal is then it is what it is.

The person dealing on the other end must then determine if the life they have is the one they want or do they have to look to end it. If what is missing is a need and not a desire that without a good relationship is still there because in the end problems get worked on and get diminished or go away. Problems do not fix themselves and all the other can do now is try to communicate what is happening to her and hope that motivates him into seeing if this is a problem and that it can be fixed.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to ignitexx)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Death of a Master's spirit/ How can one help a Master? - 9/19/2007 12:42:44 PM   
PAcpllooking


Posts: 73
Joined: 5/14/2004
Status: offline 		It could very well be that he isnt into her anymore and keeps up appearances in public.
Sometimes when people are together for a longer period of time boredom sets in. Because it is a long term 24/7 relationship he may not know how to break it to her that he is bored or maybe wants to end it. Hence the demons in his head.
Then again maybe he is just having issues that he has to sort out.
Another thing could be that he is just tired. It is very tiring being a 24/7 Master and sometimes we need to just take a break.
Now I know that people are going to say that he should share that with her. Well heres the thing, is he does then in his mind he shows weakness and to a Master there is no worse thing to show to his slave.
Its gets lonely at the top sometimes and sometimes it just takes time and a breather from everything.
I would say that she just needs to support him and maybe try some new stuff and try to freshen things up.

William

(in reply to ignitexx)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Death of a Master's spirit/ How can one help a Master? - 9/19/2007 12:55:28 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ignitexx

Thank you.  This girl beleives  you have mentioned some very important issues. She will pass them on.

For future posters

Added notes He is retired and rarely leaves the home, so no forseen outside issues to deal with. Others from outside try to interact with him but, describe him as rude, uninterested and eventually give up.



He needs a hobby to divert him, and occupy his time. And the slave needs to be understanding about his life change-it's huge. He's probably feeling a bit useless with no job or other things to keep his mind and body active-it's a big problem for newly retired folks.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to ignitexx)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Death of a Master's spirit/ How can one help a Master? - 9/19/2007 1:01:40 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

He is unable to motivate himself into action re: anything lifestyle related with his subbmissive. He uncoinsiously absorbs himself into other activities, not realizing that his passions have been mis directed.


Does this refer to an addiction?  If it is something that disrupts his normal life or caused a drastic change in his personality then he probably needs professional help.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to ignitexx)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Death of a Master's spirit/ How can one help a Master? - 9/19/2007 2:36:36 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Or maybe he's just tired of D/s, and wants to do something else now. I dropped it and just went to kink when it happened to me. After all, I'm not on this planet just to enable someone else's fantasy life.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Death of a Master's spirit/ How can one help a Master? - 9/19/2007 3:23:10 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

Added notes He is retired and rarely leaves the home, so no forseen outside issues to deal with. Others from outside try to interact with him but, describe him as rude, uninterested and eventually give up.


Depression is almost certainly the case then.  "Retired and rarely leaves the home" IS the outside issue.  He doesn't know what to do with himself now that he no longer works.

Think of it this way:  he's not burnt out; he's shut down.


_____________________________



(in reply to ignitexx)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Death of a Master's spirit/ How can one help a Master? - 9/20/2007 6:51:15 AM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ignitexx

This girl has come here with a few questions. A friend recently came to me with the below situation and asked for my opinion and suggestionss.  She has been faced with a quandry.  This girl found herself facing several thoughts and having no answers. So she came here for some opinions and felt that you folks in most cases are as real as it comes.

Older Master 30+ yrs experience
sub/slave 15+ yrs experience

Situation: Master facing very apparent "Master Spirit Passioin Burnout"

He is unable to motivate himself into action re: anything lifestyle related with his subbmissive. He uncoinsiously absorbs himself into other activities, not realizing that his passions have been mis directed. It seems that only in front of others does he seem to have the confidence to take control, but it is never maintained in the home.




As some others have said, it is almost certainly, from what you describe, clinical depression.
 
It’s most likely that this is a change of lifestyle induced bout of depression, therefore a relatively mild medication may well yield good results, or even a simple course of counselling, but it’s worth him getting checked over as changes in brain chemistry can point to other issues in some cases.
 
Your friend also needs to be prepared for the possibility that he may simply have gone off either her, or BDSM, or both, but it’s worth getting him to see a clinician ASAP, in order to rule out anything more serious.

PS: This may sound odd, but erectile dysfunction can also lead to loss of self esteem and depression; if he’s getting older and feeling a bit down anyway then this could be part of the issue, but don’t encourage him to take anything for it without seeing a clinician, as Viagra and the like can be harmful to someone with, as an example, high blood pressure.  He needs to get himself checked out first, then a way forward can be found.

(in reply to ignitexx)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Death of a Master's spirit/ How can one help a Master? - 9/20/2007 10:48:10 AM   
SirCache


Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
Status: offline 		Definitely try to help him realize that simply because he is retired that it in no way takes away from your own dynamic.  A lot of times when men retire, we have become so wrapped up in our work, it defines who we are to such a degree, that when we lose it we can be emotionally broken.  I don't know that you can honestly fix it.  However, definitely make certain that he is aware of how you see the situation changing and what that means to you.

Good luck to you, and to him.

(in reply to ignitexx)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Death of a Master's spirit/ How can one help a Master? - 9/20/2007 7:21:27 PM   
ignitexx


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		This girl wishes to thank you all for your opinions and suggestions.  The friend has printed them out and has allowed the Master in question to read them and he agrees that he may need outside assistance. He also thanks you for your input.  Good job well done everyone! This girl knew she could count on you for some valid opinions.

ignitexx

(in reply to SirCache)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Death of a Master's spirit/ How can one help a Master? - 10/13/2007 11:59:35 AM   
jeffman1234


Posts: 61
Joined: 6/11/2004
Status: offline 		It could be the honeymoon period is over. 

(in reply to ignitexx)
Profile   Post #: 14
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