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Food For thought - 9/20/2007 10:29:48 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		Alot of times i hear about why things fail or do not go correctly. People are always finding excuses for Mistakes or errors. Or when people get hurt they blame it on things like Bi Polar. just a bad time in my life. If we can not endure good times and bad times what is the point of being in a ds or any relationship. Are People just that stupid or is the victum card the always the easy out.. is it even healthy to be with someone that is Bi Polar what if something went wrong during a scene what do you tell the courts I am sorry your honor i am bi polar did not mean to cut off their thingy.  what happen to the simplle sub meets dom domme and builds something great lol  
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RE: Food For thought - 9/20/2007 10:33:56 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Some people are not up to the task of being with people who are bipolar, have clinical depression or even mild ADHD. Others are, which is quite fortunate as some people would not be able to cope with their conditions without the support of a loved one.

Depression can cause relationships to go sour and for a person to be unable to deal with a relationship. It is possible to say "My relationship ended because my partner couldn't deal with my depression" or "because I didn't have my depression under control", while still realizing that getting it under control is your responsiblity.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Food For thought - 9/20/2007 10:34:05 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I think you are walking on very thin ice with your judgement on people with bipolar here.
Do you even know someone who is bipolar?
Have you researched bipolar?
I was in a poly relationship for quite a while and one of the partners was bi polar. I suffer from depression at intervals too. Sounds like a recipe for disaster i know, but it wasnt. It worked really well and although their were issues at times it was never a real problem. 

< Message edited by missturbation -- 9/20/2007 10:39:08 AM >

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RE: Food For thought - 9/20/2007 10:40:39 AM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

Alot of times i hear about why things fail or do not go correctly. People are always finding excuses for Mistakes or errors. Or when people get hurt they blame it on things like Bi Polar. just a bad time in my life. If we can not endure good times and bad times what is the point of being in a ds or any relationship. Are People just that stupid or is the victum card the always the easy out.. is it even healthy to be with someone that is Bi Polar what if something went wrong during a scene what do you tell the courts I am sorry your honor i am bi polar did not mean to cut off their thingy.  what happen to the simplle sub meets dom domme and builds something great lol  


My .02 is the same thing its been for years...
People dont want to take responsibility for themselves.
Its so much easier to blame others for our problems/mistakes than to take the blame ourselves.I say 'our' because Lord knows I have done it in the past.

The thing is it got Me no where...Accept you fucked up and move on.Say your sorry when someone gets hurt.  Own it,Deal with it,Get past it.

*I'm hoping that Bi-Polar was just an example.... of reasons P/people use.

< Message edited by MistressSassy66 -- 9/20/2007 10:43:50 AM >

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

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RE: Food For thought - 9/20/2007 10:46:56 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		My sister is Bi-polar and so am i ...and so is my mother for that matter...We have (all 3 of us) raised healthy children and have "normal" lives. There are different degrees of Bi-polar disorder and thankfully mine is rather mild...however coupled with the Dis associative personality disorder i have it makes it a challenge at times. Bi-polar is FAR from a death sentence for consent ....Bi-polar does NOT mean you are incompetent by any stretch.

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RE: Food For thought - 9/20/2007 10:56:03 AM   
SirCache


Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
Status: offline 		A person has to take ownership of their own problems.  I will be the first to admit I'm not perfect, and that I make some truly awful mistakes from time to time.  I'm only human.  The difference is that I do not allow myself to be defined by those mistakes.  I don't blame 'this or that' for the mistakes that I have made.  While I can't speak from the side of a submissive, I can say that in my interpretation you cannot be a good Dom if you cannot even accept responsibility for your own actions.  A disease may affect my behavior but I will not be judged by those kinds of terms. 

I am a Dom, I am responsible for my own actions and inactions, I take full responsibility for all mistakes and errors in my life.  I am not a victim, and I refuse to be described as such regardless of anything that happens to me in life.  Do bad things happen for no reason?  Do good and decent people get screwed out of a lifetime of work?  Yeah--they do.  You can pity what happens to a person who through no fault of their own suffers a setback.  You will admire someone who is willing to work hard to make the best out of what their situation is without blaming every other thing for their mistakes.  This goes beyond BDSM--it's called being an adult.

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RE: Food For thought - 9/20/2007 11:02:00 AM   
greyarcher315


Posts: 99
Joined: 12/7/2006
Status: offline 		  People want instant gratification today. That does not work in any relationship beyond short, meaningless ones. A long term relationship has to have give and take on both sides, and a lot of work to get through both good and bad times. If You are stuck on yourself, or only in it for the good times, the relationship will fail. Probably badly. 

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RE: Food For thought - 9/20/2007 11:18:43 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirCache

A person has to take ownership of their own problems.  I will be the first to admit I'm not perfect, and that I make some truly awful mistakes from time to time.  I'm only human.  The difference is that I do not allow myself to be defined by those mistakes.  I don't blame 'this or that' for the mistakes that I have made.  While I can't speak from the side of a submissive, I can say that in my interpretation you cannot be a good Dom if you cannot even accept responsibility for your own actions.  A disease may affect my behavior but I will not be judged by those kinds of terms. 

I am a Dom, I am responsible for my own actions and inactions, I take full responsibility for all mistakes and errors in my life.  I am not a victim, and I refuse to be described as such regardless of anything that happens to me in life.  Do bad things happen for no reason?  Do good and decent people get screwed out of a lifetime of work?  Yeah--they do.  You can pity what happens to a person who through no fault of their own suffers a setback.  You will admire someone who is willing to work hard to make the best out of what their situation is without blaming every other thing for their mistakes.  This goes beyond BDSM--it's called being an adult.


I enjoyed this response very much.

I think it is simple human nature that we come up with reasons for failures in our lives. Even most things people will describe responsibility will often come with conditioners like “I know I should of handle it better but they did not do this our that to allow me” type things.

I think one of my signature lines has direct meaning on this “We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions.” – Ian Percy

Obviously most of us do not go through life with intentions of screwing up or hurting other people so when it happens we do not judge ourselves as look at what transpired. I think as SirCache wrote it is taken responsibility for our actions and learning from them then just tossing out an excuse and resolving ourselves from any blame or guilt.

I think in defense of the qualifier “when I hear” you are in fact just hearing a part whether with friends, acquaintances and especially in cyber land. We often are hearing spin control or the cliff note version and not the whole story or the parts where the person agonized, took personally and learned from the situation. When I write on here about my breakup with my former Master or talk about it with acquaintances they get the short and sweet version. Friends got a longer more detailed version and family and close friends get an epic novel. The cliff note version has little blame on my part the epic novel has mostly about what I could have done from the very first meeting.

Pride is something we all have and admitting to people let alone strangers weaknesses is not natural and I think especially when applied to a message board about dominance and submission it can be bleeding in an ocean full of sharks.



_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

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RE: Food For thought - 9/20/2007 2:57:37 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline 		If this is food for thought, you must be severely malnourished.


_____________________________



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RE: Food For thought - 9/20/2007 3:11:39 PM   
EternalInferno


Posts: 47
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline 		Okay, I read that over a couple times.  I have no idea what you are saying but I see a whole lot of personal opinion or relationship experiences... I think. 

Did this really make sense to anyone?  Or is it me? 

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RE: Food For thought - 9/20/2007 3:55:59 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

Alot of times i hear about why things fail or do not go correctly. People are always finding excuses for Mistakes or errors. Or when people get hurt they blame it on things like Bi Polar. just a bad time in my life. If we can not endure good times and bad times what is the point of being in a ds or any relationship. Are People just that stupid or is the victum card the always the easy out.. is it even healthy to be with someone that is Bi Polar what if something went wrong during a scene what do you tell the courts I am sorry your honor i am bi polar did not mean to cut off their thingy.  what happen to the simplle sub meets dom domme and builds something great lol  


My .02 is the same thing its been for years...
People dont want to take responsibility for themselves.
Its so much easier to blame others for our problems/mistakes than to take the blame ourselves.I say 'our' because Lord knows I have done it in the past.

The thing is it got Me no where...Accept you fucked up and move on.Say your sorry when someone gets hurt.  Own it,Deal with it,Get past it.

*I'm hoping that Bi-Polar was just an example.... of reasons P/people use.



there are a lot of different examples  But the key is as you put it responsibility. those that really mess up all they say is like this oh i am sorry my bad like it is a joke or something. I see this a lot. should we hold people accountable or just go what ever. 

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RE: Food For thought - 9/20/2007 3:57:09 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

what happen to the simplle sub meets dom domme and builds something great lol  


Bothing happened to the 'lol' it's just that 'coming out' happened in the mental health world as well as in the gay world and there are more of us 'out' now that depression is not a stigma.
I admit to being very difficult to be with at times when I am in a down phase. My phases run parallel to the seasons more so than ever...seasonal affective disorder.....it's not psychological purely as nothing ever is and I never work professionally with a distinction between mind and body....IMO here, and not speaking as a professional but just  your typical sub (lol) I can more easily accept my punishment, get off on it and walk away (just about lololol) and have a great day. But in a down phase, whatever its cause (I blame it on my mom lololol) I get needy and clingy and co-dependent and want assurances and that kind of vanilla time together to talk or maybe be held.
But at any point in any of our lives the unexpected can happen and then wham bam all of our pre-conceived ideas of what should or shouldn't be right just get blown away.
So nothing happened except the crazies came out to play as well (lolololol)

Prinsexx

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RE: Food For thought - 9/20/2007 4:08:06 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

Alot of times i hear about why things fail or do not go correctly. People are always finding excuses for Mistakes or errors. Or when people get hurt they blame it on things like Bi Polar. just a bad time in my life. If we can not endure good times and bad times what is the point of being in a ds or any relationship. Are People just that stupid or is the victum card the always the easy out.. is it even healthy to be with someone that is Bi Polar what if something went wrong during a scene what do you tell the courts I am sorry your honor i am bi polar did not mean to cut off their thingy.  what happen to the simplle sub meets dom domme and builds something great lol  


My .02 is the same thing its been for years...
People dont want to take responsibility for themselves.
Its so much easier to blame others for our problems/mistakes than to take the blame ourselves.I say 'our' because Lord knows I have done it in the past.

The thing is it got Me no where...Accept you fucked up and move on.Say your sorry when someone gets hurt.  Own it,Deal with it,Get past it.

*I'm hoping that Bi-Polar was just an example.... of reasons P/people use.



there are a lot of different examples  But the key is as you put it responsibility. those that really mess up all they say is like this oh i am sorry my bad like it is a joke or something. I see this a lot. should we hold people accountable or just go what ever. 


I see it alot also. Do I hold someone accountable?
Well that depends on how well I know the person in question.
A complete stranger...I might as well bang My head against the wall...
A friend,yes its worth the time to explain how I see it...then its upto them to use
it the way they choose.
My Girl or a slave...I would be in a position to change their behavior of not taking responsibility. If I do it than they are going to also,end of story.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

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RE: Food For thought - 9/20/2007 5:59:07 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		My adult daughter is severely bipolar. She cycles every five minutes between rage and suicidal depression. Or would if she were not on medication. Before the diagnosis, and in the two years thereafter before a successful medication came on the market, she had to be watched for suicide. But I can assure you that at no time was she capable or even interested in killing someone else.

Now, if she were still without the appropriate medication I still would not think that she would deliberately try to harm others, only herself. The low is depression, not homicidal mania. I suggest you learn the difference.

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RE: Food For thought - 9/20/2007 10:29:45 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		do you think people can make good choices that are with out meds or treatment or even healthy choices

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RE: Food For thought - 9/21/2007 6:51:40 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

If we can not endure good times and bad times what is the point of being in a ds or any relationship. Are People just that stupid or is the victum card the always the easy out.. is it even healthy to be with someone that is Bi Polar what if something went wrong during a scene what do you tell the courts I am sorry your honor i am bi polar did not mean to cut off their thingy.  what happen to the simplle sub meets dom domme and builds something great lol  


Your relationships are what you make of them.  If you work at them you can work anything out.  You are correct there are a lot of lazy people out there just unwilling to work.  That is why the divorce rate is so high in this country. 
However to blame a bad relationship on depression is nonsense.  We all go through depression in our lives at some point.  Most of us pull through.  For other's yes they do need help.  What sort of person would you be if you abandoned someone you loved in times of need?  Essentially you would die alone and lonely because nobody in the world is without need at times.

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RE: Food For thought - 9/21/2007 9:43:14 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

do you think people can make good choices that are with out meds or treatment or even healthy choices


yes.  it just makes it a LOT harder to stick to those choices on their own.  i had a SO who was bipolar and untreated.  her choice was to treat the bipolar and the other medical problems she had and be a total zombie....or to not treat the bipolar and be able to be a parent to her son.  she chose to be a parent.

she also had a few people who helped her along with that, and that she knew she could call on.

kitten

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RE: Food For thought - 9/21/2007 9:55:20 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		yes....the low can be suicidal...but the opposite side of that can be homicidal...mania...hence the mania...
diagnostic criteria of bipolar is depression and at least one episode of mania, and a manic episode can include thoughts of homicide, if the person is delusional enough, it can include acts of homicide...
acts of homicide and suicide are in extreme cases...just like not every muslim is going to fly an airplane into a building, not every bipolar person is going to kill themselves or another person...attempts and plans are much more common...
further breakdown of bipolar, would be bipolar I, II and more recently III and i believe IV though i am not familiar with the exact criteria for III and IV, I would be depression with hypermania (typically differentiated to laymen by completely unable to sleep for a given amount of time) and II would be depression with hypomania (unable to sleep for more than a certain amount of time, and durring that amount of time it is broken)


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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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RE: Food For thought - 9/21/2007 10:46:21 AM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

My adult daughter is severely bipolar. She cycles every five minutes between rage and suicidal depression. Or would if she were not on medication. Before the diagnosis, and in the two years thereafter before a successful medication came on the market, she had to be watched for suicide. But I can assure you that at no time was she capable or even interested in killing someone else.

Now, if she were still without the appropriate medication I still would not think that she would deliberately try to harm others, only herself. The low is depression, not homicidal mania. I suggest you learn the difference.



I'm guessing your reply is to Latex...just incase anyone is curious...
There are actually 5 degrees of Bi Polar.

The one Celeste mentions is what they call Rapid Cycling...the worst as far as I'm concerened as you go from one emotion to another in a matter of seconds,sometimes these rapid Cycles arnt so close together
you may have day to day cycles or several in one in day or even go several days in between.
Lithium used to be the one med for treatment,which has horrible side effects.
Now they have a couple of others,the side effects arent great but they are tolerable.
Even on meds some of the side effects of them can increase mood swings during
your menstrual cycle and they also play a role in women in perimenopause.

After all of that is said and done I alone am responsible for Myself and the actions I take.There is no such thing as the Devil made Me do it.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

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