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Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/20/2007 4:20:16 PM   
tornaway


Posts: 174
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline 		      Curious .    Ok - you meet someone , go through the various hoops , and eventually feel comfortable enough to engage in private play .  
    Particularly in cases when a Domme invites the sub/slave to her home  ( but it can may apply to many situations ) - what precautions do you take to insure your own safety - just in case you've misjudged an individual  - or they turn out to be convincingly dishonest ? 
 
     Granted they're often quickly rendered naked and restrained - but there are always those times in between , and we all know some humans can be unpredictable  ...
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/20/2007 4:46:22 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		My spouse or another friend would be there...  I don't do completely private play until I know someone well and/or could easily take them down if I had to.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to tornaway)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/20/2007 5:09:10 PM   
MamaDomme


Posts: 283
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline 		I never bring someone new to my home, I always have someone know exactly who I am meeting and where, and what time I am to be expected to return.  I also always make a "safe call".

(in reply to tornaway)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/20/2007 5:18:10 PM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		Same here. Regardless of whom I am meeting and why. I do not invite someone I don't know/don't know well into my home.  Not only because of safety, but even if someone is a loving,sweet person sometimes I do not want their energies in my private space.  Safe calls is definately my favortie phrase in the lifestyle!

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to MamaDomme)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/20/2007 5:33:36 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLynx

Not only because of safety, but even if someone is a loving,sweet person sometimes I do not want their energies in my private space. 


Also, I have to echo this.  I'd assumed by the question that this wasn't the first time ever playing with this person and that I knew them well enough to decide to be in private with them at all.  I don't private play with someone until I know them well, everything at first is public.  Most will never, ever see my home because it is my personal, private space.



_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to LadyLynx)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/20/2007 6:03:19 PM   
EternalInferno


Posts: 47
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline 		Someone can play nice for quite a while before you are alone with them and then not play nice at all!  I think one must know some self defense and be prepared to handle a situation at all times.  A safe call isn't going to help you when you are alone with someone intent on doing harm.  Personally, I don't put myself in a situation unless I am able to handle it as well as anyone can.  There will always be some area you are taking a risk in.  I am just never in a state where I am less aware, like with drinking or anything that would limit my awareness.  Learning a few moves to disarm someone and protect yourself is empowering, but can also lead to a false sense of security.  Just learn all you can and be as safe as you can.  I have learned to use household items in some pretty strange ways.  I can work a bic razer like no one else. lol  Just be aware and careful.

(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/20/2007 6:57:35 PM   
KruelMistressK


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/27/2007
Status: offline 		Keep another person nearby at all times.  Be ever so cautious about bringing anyone to the place you sleep.  I'm a big fan of blindfolds and cuffing a new friend in a public place before bringing them over.  Establish an identity beforehand; have them purchase a small gift from amazon before you meet to establish a paper trail.  Have at least a few friends that know about your non-vanilla side.  Don't ever rush to meet a toy, there are ever so many.  Get phone numbers, use the mail, collect return addresses and when you meet, check a photo ID to make sure you're with the person you told your friends you'd be with.  Safe calls are a must.  Maintain total control at all times.  The list goes on. 

If a sub wants to be mysterious, be ever so much more mysterious.

And remember...just because you're paranoid, that doesn't mean you're wrong.

(in reply to EternalInferno)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/21/2007 5:31:53 AM   
GregariousGreta


Posts: 42
Joined: 4/29/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Having a Domme friend over is not only safer, but also tons of fun. If the person isn't comfortable with another person participating, I'd have them sit outside with the door cracked. More privacy with still enough leeway to see I'm not being brutally murdered or anything.

(in reply to tornaway)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/21/2007 5:36:54 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		steel-door gives some good advice in this area, what is good for the goose is good for the gander (or in this case sub/slave and top/Dominatrix)

Ron(ne)

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to GregariousGreta)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/21/2007 6:44:21 AM   
MsD


Posts: 68
Joined: 4/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

steel-door gives some good advice in this area, what is good for the goose is good for the gander (or in this case sub/slave and top/Dominatrix)

Ron(ne)


unfortunately, the steel-door archives door has been closed for a lil over a year now ... know a back door in?  I miss readin' through her stuff

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/21/2007 6:56:11 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		yeah...I have a big mean husband.  No one comes into my house the first time if he's not home.  Now having said that:

But the thing is....anyone who is really out to do mean and ugly things to me will not do it in the moment of meeting...he's probably planning something and once he knows my home address, will disappear into the night only to watch the house for a month, learn the patterns of our comings and goings then when all is set for whatever nefarious purpose he has; he will pounce.  Does he want to take my 5 year old DVD player and the piggy banks?  He'll wait til we are all gone.  Does he want to do physical harm to me?  He'll wait til I'm home alone. 

The thing is...we can't live our lives in fear.  If someone, anyone is planning to enter my home without permission or is planning to bring harm to me, I don't have to lure him in from the internet...he's probably already out there watching the house.  I am a firm believer that locks don't keep out criminals.  I'm a firm believer in if you are going to harm me, you'll do find a way to do it. 

I simply don't spend time fretting over something that may or may not happen.  If I did, I'd go crazy.  Meeting someone in person here for the first time is no more a risk than driving home from the grocery store where I could easily be followed; or just living..my family, me or my home could be a random target at any moment. 

I've had things stolen from my car when I forgot to lock the doors.  We had some one walk into our home one night...drunk.  My husband called the cops and firmly placed himself between said drunk guy and the bedrooms where sleeping wife and UMs were snoozing without a clue in the world. 

Neither time were those situations because I met someone online.  It was simple life.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/21/2007 7:55:07 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Since I'm poly my greatest safety net is to actually one or more partners in other rooms in the house. I'm fully up front about it and they not part of the scene.

Beyond my other partners I'd let my friends know what was happening and have my own check calls set up. I don't think gender, sex, or role have much to do with making sure one is safe and taking the necessary precautions.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to tornaway)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/21/2007 8:47:54 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsD

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

steel-door gives some good advice in this area, what is good for the goose is good for the gander (or in this case sub/slave and top/Dominatrix)

Ron(ne)


unfortunately, the steel-door archives door has been closed for a lil over a year now ... know a back door in?  I miss readin' through her stuff


This link still works for Me and has done so for a sub who has been undertaking My reading program. Let Me know if it works for you, I also enjoy what Mistress Steel has written!

http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to MsD)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/21/2007 9:27:35 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Like others have said, I also have the built in body guard(s).  There's a lot of advantages to being poly that folks just don't think about!
 
As to the hoops mentioned in the OP, in My case, there are certainly a lot of them to go through.  It literally takes someone new months to actually get into My house.  There are a lot of steps that I go through before they make it to that point.  That's a very long wait for someone to make it past initial meet, various conversations, public play, and semi-private play somewhere else before actually getting their foot through My own front door.  Personally, I would think someone looking to harm Me would get bored waiting on the opportunity.  There are a lot easier paths to take, if that were their intention.

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/21/2007 9:53:00 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		We are upfront about the fact that not only are there 3 of us living here and one of us is nearly always home ... but we have large-breed dogs that don't deal well with people in the house unless we let them in.  Even people that we know (parents, close friends, etc) get the "barking, growling, hackles up, teeth bared" greeting if we don't go greet them ourselves within moments (30sec or less).  Not many people are willing to face a boxer, a german shepherd and a pitbull ... not to mention the fact that there is no way to sneak past our 'alarms' (two shih tzus lol).  We also have an attack cat - although no one looks to her for trouble (talk about a nasty surprise )

But, like others said - they aren't allowed into our home until we are comfortable with it. 

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/21/2007 10:50:37 AM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tornaway
...
     Granted they're often quickly rendered naked and restrained - but there are always those times in between , and we all know some humans can be unpredictable  ...


There have been some good suggestions already, but I'd like to add a couple that you can do without the aid of anyone else:

(1) Don't allow the "in between" times. In other words, keep him restrained in some way the entire time. This isn't that difficult to achieve. If you're moving him from one situation to another, take a few extra seconds to apply a temporary restraint that will allow you to maintain control until you get him into the next situation.

This also has an added advantage of enhancing the sub's feeling of helplessness. He NEVER has the chance to escape her control, whether he wants to or not. It always seems a bit artificial to me when a domme releases me from bondage to move me to a different bondage position. That "in between" time breaks the spell for me, and makes the situation feel much less real.

(2) You might try getting him restrained before even allowing him through your front door. Leave a pair of handcuffs in a box outside the door, or slide them through the mail slot, whatever, and make him handcuff himself with his hands behind his back before you unlock the door to let him in. Watch through a peephole, or a side window, and make him show you that the cuffs are secure.

A private foyer with a locked interior door is a perfect situation. Imagine a small slot in the interior door or wall, similar to a drop-off box used by banks and video stores. You can have him undress and put his clothes and other belongings through the slot. Make him put his hands through the slot where you can cuff him. Or have him put his cock and balls through a small covered opening in the wall or door, where you can cuff/clamp/bind them, holding him in place. Then you can open the door, cuff his hands behind his back, release his genitals, and bring him inside to begin. Actually, I guess you've already begun, haven't you?


(in reply to tornaway)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/21/2007 11:05:20 AM   
subcouplenyfl


Posts: 5
Joined: 8/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

We are upfront about the fact that not only are there 3 of us living here and one of us is nearly always home ... but we have large-breed dogs that don't deal well with people in the house unless we let them in.  Even people that we know (parents, close friends, etc) get the "barking, growling, hackles up, teeth bared" greeting if we don't go greet them ourselves within moments (30sec or less).  Not many people are willing to face a boxer, a german shepherd and a pitbull ... not to mention the fact that there is no way to sneak past our 'alarms' (two shih tzus lol).  We also have an attack cat - although no one looks to her for trouble (talk about a nasty surprise )

But, like others said - they aren't allowed into our home until we are comfortable with it. 


Talk about a scary zoo. Good for you, as for us, we have security here.



(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/21/2007 11:27:38 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		http://directory.google.com/Top/Adult/Society/Sexuality/Activities_and_Practices/BDSM/Resources/

All you all have a good time with everything in there.

Ron(ne)

although damn that is closed too....thats too bad, I agree that she had a gangbuster site going on.

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 9/21/2007 11:31:23 AM >

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to MsD)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/21/2007 12:31:39 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subcouplenyfl

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

We are upfront about the fact that not only are there 3 of us living here and one of us is nearly always home ... but we have large-breed dogs that don't deal well with people in the house unless we let them in.  Even people that we know (parents, close friends, etc) get the "barking, growling, hackles up, teeth bared" greeting if we don't go greet them ourselves within moments (30sec or less).  Not many people are willing to face a boxer, a german shepherd and a pitbull ... not to mention the fact that there is no way to sneak past our 'alarms' (two shih tzus lol).  We also have an attack cat - although no one looks to her for trouble (talk about a nasty surprise )

But, like others said - they aren't allowed into our home until we are comfortable with it. 


Talk about a scary zoo. Good for you, as for us, we have security here.



LMAO - you've missed a lot of changes in our zoo since the last time we chatted ... the dogs, the cats, the rats, etc.  

I forgot something, though - we are currently re-modelling a bit, and anyone who doesn't know where to step might end up with staples or nails in their foot (for some reason, the last people used these huge freakin staples in the floor ... )

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to subcouplenyfl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Safety precautions for Dommes ... - 9/21/2007 12:39:28 PM   
Jill805


Posts: 83
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline 		In addition to everything said above, I obtain an address from the prospective sub and send a postcard or note to that address.  If he doesnt want to give an address, I dont meet. If he doesnt say that he has received it, then I dont meet. 

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 20
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