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norarc -> First Go (9/21/2007 7:58:30 AM)
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I'm still quite amazed at how quickly I jumped into giving BDSM a try -- after fifteen years suffering from (untreated) clinical depression (now treated, thankfully), I didn't think of myself as having much in the way of confidence. Certainly not enough to even look sideways at BDSM. It honestly never occurred to me that this scene might fulfill something lacking in me.
It happened mostly through chat (yes, I know this is about real-life experiences -- I'll get to that part momentarily); I ran into a pair of Dommes through an RPG site, and somehow they both just twigged to something in my responses and smartass comments. I'm still not entirely sure what they saw -- I suppose that's a question I'll have to answer myself. Things progressed until we were cybering back and forth, and I found myself genuinely craving their attention. A very strange thing -- if you'd contacted me a year ago inquiring about online BDSM sexual chat, I'd've told you... well, the words would likely have been profane, and used unflatteringly. How things change...
So, after about a month of this (and no previous BDSM experience, mind), I had an absolutely unexpected fit of confidence, and after building my courage a bit, off I went to visit one of them (which necessitated a trip to the U.S.), continuously telling myself that "I just want to see if this is for real, or just some strange temporary glitch in my brain." Well, yes, it's for real. I stayed with Intolerant for four days, and got my first taste of submission and a whole lot of information about BDSM. And yes, I did very much enjoy myself! Still, after consultation with her, and some deep thought, I was forced to concede that there's every possibility that I'm a switch, hence my profile designation. She's already commented that my confidence seems to have increased several thousand percent, which is quite gratifying. So thanks, Intolerant, and Steph too (Steph's not on Collarme, incidentally), for introducing me to this, and being perceptive enough to sense that I might enjoy myself here.
Of course, now I have to learn about being a switch, and see if I can make those fantasies of domination I've had swirling around my mind reality. Any suggestions or advice?
Thanks for reading!
Norarc
Apudne te vel me?
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