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MstrssPassion -> RE: For some folks, pain equals pleasure (7/31/2005 7:37:54 AM)
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the link still works for me...
here is a copy:
http://www.edmontonsun.com/Entertainment/OtherEntertainment/2005/07/16/1134446-sun.html
Sat, July 16, 2005
It's all about trustFor some folks, pain equals pleasure
By JENNIFER PARKS, EDMONTON SUN
Mistress Kitten has a shopping problem.
When she hits Home Depot, it's not to buy yet another house plant or the latest trendy paint swatch colours. She combs the aisles, like a cat on the prowl, for items such as rope, clamps, rods and switches, which she'll later use to deliver a bittersweet sting like a backslap on a sunburn to her esteemed clients.
In fact, you might hear her purring with anticipation at the checkout as she unloads her cart of goodies. This is her job, but it is also her feline fancy.
She and her husband, who goes by the name Master British, are in the BDSM business - bondage & discipline, domination & submission and sadism & masochism.
A day at the office - a dungeon located in the basement of their Edmonton home - involves inflicting pain and humiliation on others who derive sexual pleasure from being helpless in the hands of an authority figure, also called a "dom" or "domme."
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In everyday life, Mistress Kitten describes herself as "quiet and shy." But when she pulls on her cat suit, a tight black PVC ensemble with menacing knee-high boots, her alter-ego kicks in.
"I like being in control, tying people up and doing nasty things to them because I know they enjoy it," she says with a glint in her eyes like she's ready to pounce.
ORDINARY PEOPLE ENJOY THIS
Who are these dungeon denizens who eagerly sign up and dish out big bucks to be handcuffed, blindfolded, spanked, whipped, flogged, teased, tortured, locked up, interrogated, made to beg, blush, squirm and cry out in ecstasy?
You and me.
If you've ever blindfolded your partner or been on the receiving end of a saucy over-the-knee spanking, you've dabbled on the dark side. It's a world in which pain equals pleasure and being bad and getting punished for it is purr-fectly OK, provided it's "safe, sane and consensual," says Mistress Kitten.
It doesn't mean you're messed up or dirty. You just know what you like, and you're not afraid to let your fantasies come alive.
It's a commonly held but incorrect notion, says the domme, that sadists (those who are turned on by inflicting pain) and masochists (those who derive pleasure from a sadist's ministering) were all abused as children.
According to an excellent online BDSM dictionary at www.sensuoussadie.com, a sadist is "not a wife-beater, rapist, serial killer, kicker of dogs or stealer of candy from babies."
Likewise, a masochist is not someone who has an orgasm every time he or she stubs a toe, or who gets off on root canals or being fondled by random strangers in bars.
Sadomasochism is not abuse. It's based on a relationship of trust and consensual empowerment between two people.
"It's not a contest to see how you can break a person," says Mistress Kitten, whip in hand. "It's supposed to be enjoyable and fun for everyone."
She refers to one of her many S&M reference books, Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns, which states that no sadist "would pull the wings off a fly unless the fly said that it would enhance its sexual pleasure."
A good dom considers their sub as an equal. A good sub respects him or herself, doesn't want real abuse and has a good sense of reality versus fantasy.
The "power exchange" between them is only possible because the sub has agreed to give up control to his or her partner, who may take on the persona of, or be called such names as "master," "mistress," "mommy," "daddy," "domina," "sir," "ma'am," "goddess" or "god" for the duration of their session or role-playing "scene."
The sub has ultimate control and can take back power at any time by simply calling out a "safety word" that the two have agreed upon in advance.
"Yellow means 'slow down,' red is 'stop' and green means 'go ahead,' " says Mistress Kitten in a serious tone. They don't mess with safety.
The right combination of trust, imagination and sensuality between partners can create an intensely erotic and intimate mix. But she does not, under any circumstances, offer sexual services to her clients. As a domme, it's her job to indulge their fantasies in a safe and confidential environment.
Each person has his or her own reason for visiting their dungeon. Some haven't been able to share their fantasies with anyone before. Others may, in fact, be working through past abuses that have been repressed.
IT'S A WAY TO ESCAPE
Often they see high-powered business execs with lots of responsibility who want to "let go" and escape for an hour or two, and who find this is only possible when they're handcuffed naked, stuffed in a cage, and yelled at by a flog-wielding dominatrix who drips hot wax on their body, tortures them with clothes pins and tells them they've been very, very bad.
But that's just one example. What goes on in their dungeon can be as wild as your imagination, the Master and Mistress's house rules withstanding.
They offer couples classes to train in basic BDSM at a cost of $300 for three hours, including instruction and private play time.
Mistress Kitten and Master British's individual sessions are $150/hour and $100/hour respectively. For more information, see their website at www.bdsmvoyeur.com.
"It's quite a step, mentally, giving up control of yourself," says Mistress Kitten. "Most people these days don't trust anybody. To come into an environment and have to trust somebody is an experience in itself."
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