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Cyber Training??? - 9/21/2007 7:13:35 PM   
justnewsub


Posts: 127
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline 		Hi, I'm a new sub.  Have been interested for a long time and am finally acting on my urges.  I have met a Sir on line here who has offered to Cyber train me.  So far we are hitting it off really well.  I was just wondering if you can give any advice on dos and don'ts.

I am really enjoying his company so far via on-line IM.

Thanks for any advise you can give

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Cyber Training??? - 9/21/2007 8:49:55 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Don't.

Don't make any commitments to anyone for at least six months.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to justnewsub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Cyber Training??? - 9/21/2007 8:49:56 PM   
Sunao


Posts: 71
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline 		I'm in the same boat as you but I'd say a do would be to listen to everything that he/she orders you to do but I don't know I'm quite new to this and I need training as well

(in reply to justnewsub)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Cyber Training??? - 9/21/2007 9:11:23 PM   
justnewsub


Posts: 127
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline 		I haven't made any hard commitments to him yet, just mainly learning what he has to tell me, and things to do.

I am having fun and trying to stay safe.  I'm also trying to stay practical about the whole thing.  Knowing there is a possiblity it will go no where.

It is hard being a new sub when you don't have a Master/Dom helping you along, or evena mentor to take you under their wing to guide you along.... I want to learn so much, and am trying to take it slowly.

(in reply to justnewsub)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Cyber Training??? - 9/21/2007 9:14:30 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Personally, I find the term "training" to be amibiguous and 90% of the time means absolutely nothing. It gets thrown around a lot, when the "trainer" actually means "get my rocks off" and in reality has nothing to do with learning.

What is he is planning on training you to do online? What will the training methods be? Can you or he answer those questions?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Sunao)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Cyber Training??? - 9/21/2007 9:28:01 PM   
justnewsub


Posts: 127
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline 		right now it's alot of getting to know each other.  There is also telling me how to hold an orgasm, or find a G-spot.  Just learning how to submit little things, thinking of things, stuff like that. alot of talking, and me pleasing myself...

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Cyber Training??? - 9/21/2007 9:38:40 PM   
pearlmoongirl


Posts: 68
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
I did some exploration of the D/s dynamic online (all the details are posted in my journal here if you want to have a read) and I have to say that LuckyAlbatross is right.

I think it's very easy to agree to something online without spelling out parameters, especially if you are submissive and especially if you are just beginning your exploration. Online feels safer than going to munches or clubs, or otherwise meeting Doms face-to-face. You can have near total anonymity online if you want, and only give up as much detail as you like, at the pace you decide. That's how you go into it, anyway.

Here's the catch: if you are genuinely subby deep down in your gut, you are going to respond to being Dom(m)ed online. You're going to want to respond and obey and agree, if your Dom(me) has even the vaguest clue about what they are doing. The degree of your willingness may very well surprise you, if you are thinking online isn't "real." Online life and relationships are certainly far less real than face-to-face. But it is still real in your head, and it may become or feel more real as you spend time and share experiences with this other person. Online satisfies just enough of the yearning to make submission feel real-ish, if you've never been in the presence of a real Dom before, and that's where you can get into trouble fairly quickly if you don't make a concerted effort to keep your head.

So here's my advice, gleaned from my own online experiences: never EVER give your real name,  your phone number, your main email address, or any other significant clue to your RL identity, unless you are establishing or trying to establish references for a RL meeting, and that should not happen straight out of the gate. I would suggest you use your online training to learn the things you can carry over into RL, such as, etiquette and basic conventions of speech with others in the lifestyle, learning the "lingo," asking questions about the differerence between something like floggers and paddles, etc. So first, write a contract and spell out the things you want to learn and discuss, and things you will NEVER discuss (the list of things I just mentioned plus whatever else makes you uncomfortable, such as your RL relationship status, your kids, your job, etc.) If a Dom(me) is the real deal, He or She will see the inherent value in this exercise above and beyond negotiating the details of your relationship. It's not easy for a new sub to articulate his or her limits and preferences, and writing a contract will help you learn to do that.

Furthermore, a "Dom(me)" who says your "training" means having BDSM-flavored pixel sex is mostly likely, only, interested in getting Him- or Herself off.Yes, the visuals can be stimulating. Yes, you could learn some things about the way toys and play equipment work. But your body, your skin, and most of your senses will not be engaged by virtual sex acts. Even if you masturbate to pixel sex and try to cum together at the same time, it's not necessarily going to be that much of a "learning" or "training" experience. So try to stay levelheaded about things like this, and always ALWAYS remember you have the freedom and the power to just quit the gaming environment/program if you get too uncomfortable.

My 2 cents' worth -
pmg

(in reply to Sunao)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Cyber Training??? - 9/21/2007 9:47:15 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justnewsub

Hi, I'm a new sub.  Have been interested for a long time and am finally acting on my urges.  I have met a Sir on line here who has offered to Cyber train me.  So far we are hitting it off really well.  I was just wondering if you can give any advice on dos and don'ts.

I am really enjoying his company so far via on-line IM.

Thanks for any advise you can give




Earn your master's degree-get a job that pays six figures-see if he feels intimidated by this.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to justnewsub)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Cyber Training??? - 9/21/2007 9:59:43 PM   
justnewsub


Posts: 127
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline 		thank you pearlmoongirl that is the best advise I could ask for.  it is easy to get wrapped up, because it is something I have desired for a long time... and I will try to keep levelheaded.

Thank You

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Cyber Training??? - 9/22/2007 4:10:37 PM   
sweetsub0401


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		justnew,

i have been working with a Dom online for a little over 1 month now via phone, email and IM.  we met on collarme.  last night we actually met for the first time and it was amazing, 43 years of submission dying to come out and it was even better than i had imagined!  anyway, before that we were in contact with each other every day, usually 3 or more times each day.  he calls me every morning on his way to work, usually on his lunch and then we talk or IM before bed.  he set rules for me, firstly it was made clear from day one that there was to be no lying, which was so important as we weren't together and he needed to make sure i was confessing when i transgressed and also doing the punishments he gave me.  he said if i lied, we would stop working together and that was enough for me, he has helped me so much.  the rules he has set for me are things like respect of course, that is number one.  but also bedtimes, no caffeine, i have to report to him daily on what i've done good and what needs to be worked on (i have a home-based business and is assistance in this area has been invaluable), and there are certain tasks that i have to do every day or i am punished.  punishments happen and he is quite creative, although i will say our situation is kind of different (i will elaborate if you want to PM me).  one thing that he implemented early on was that i was to only orgasm or even touch myself with permission and it does not happen very often.  but he has talked to me on the phone and held me "at bay" for several long minutes and then commanded me to cum, doesn't happen every time but if it's been a while and i'm ripe enough, it happens.  he is quite creative in his punishments and in the short time we've been working together, i really have gotten much better and don't mess up very often.  although today i caved and had a glass of diet pepsi with caffeine and it does a number on me with my meds and so im waiting to hear my punishment on that one.

as far as do's and don'ts, obviously don't give out addresses or real names, check out any information he sends you, don't send any pix (you can IM those without him being able to download them) and when/if you meet, make sure you have a safe call.  i did even though i truly trusted him, he has been open and honest with me.  not all online Doms are just interested in getting off, my Dom knew from day one that i would need to take my time before actual sex acts with him and although he had made comments last night to his desire to do things with me, he never did more than make comments and was a true gentleman, i'm very fortunate.

we will be working the majority of the time as we have been, online and on the phone (which it seems is similar to your situation), if you'd like to chat i'd be interested, always looking for friends to chat with that are in this lifestyle.  i am not allowed to get on any of these websites except for now and then and only 30 mins in one given day, so if i don't respond right away, that is why. 

(in reply to justnewsub)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Cyber Training??? - 9/22/2007 4:40:23 PM   
mmb1


Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline 		To the OP, if you can make it through 8 months of cyber training and want R/T, you are very strong :)  Let me know when you get there.

(in reply to sweetsub0401)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Cyber Training??? - 9/22/2007 6:03:55 PM   
subartist


Posts: 43
Joined: 8/31/2007
Status: offline 		I was submitting to an online Mistress for a time recently.  She was taking control of my life, sending daily instructions and having me perform various tasks, always taking photos.  She was controlling more and more aspects of my daily life, though we never got as far as we had intended.  But it was great, I obeyed everything she asked of me, and she asked some things that were difficult.  But then one day she just dissapeared out of nowhere.  And she closed her email account.  Just be careful, there is such anonimity online, and you may have changed your life so that someone else is in control, and find yourself lost when that person is suddenly gone.  As my Mistress she knew all kinds of intimate details about my life, and I knew virtually nothing about her.  Of course it doesn't have to be like that though, and I'm not saying I wouldn't do it again.  Good luck with your relationship!

(in reply to mmb1)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Cyber Training??? - 9/22/2007 6:16:19 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		That's sounds more like cyber sex to me, not training.

quote:

ORIGINAL: justnewsub

right now it's alot of getting to know each other.  There is also telling me how to hold an orgasm, or find a G-spot.  Just learning how to submit little things, thinking of things, stuff like that. alot of talking, and me pleasing myself...

(in reply to justnewsub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Cyber Training??? - 9/22/2007 6:43:28 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justnewsub

I haven't made any hard commitments to him yet, just mainly learning what he has to tell me, and things to do.

I am having fun and trying to stay safe.  I'm also trying to stay practical about the whole thing.  Knowing there is a possiblity it will go no where.

It is hard being a new sub when you don't have a Master/Dom helping you along, or evena mentor to take you under their wing to guide you along.... I want to learn so much, and am trying to take it slowly.


Do as you see fit-but don't think that sex ganes equal a commitment of any sort.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to justnewsub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Cyber Training??? - 9/23/2007 3:27:52 AM   
Kellendra


Posts: 95
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pearlmoongirl



So here's my advice, gleaned from my own online experiences: never EVER give your real name,  your phone number, your main email address, or any other significant clue to your RL identity, unless you are establishing or trying to establish references for a RL meeting, and that should not happen straight out of the gate.


Hmmm.....will remember that.....I gave him everything pretty much.....I got  nothing back...live and learn I guess.

(in reply to pearlmoongirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Cyber Training??? - 9/23/2007 4:02:08 AM   
southeasternsub


Posts: 15
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline 		Online can serve a purpose, that is how I first learned of this lifestyle. It taught me the language and about protocal but beyond that you really need to experience this in real life. There is no comparison between a Dom standing over the top of you in real life and an online Dom typing some order to you through an im. So if this is something that you have wanted for a long time and you are just taking small steps into getting into the lifestyle that's fine. I don't want to discourage you but if this is as far as you are willing to go I have not seen to many online only relationships that have with stood the test of time. I realize there are no guarantees in life but I know from experience that it is truly heartbreaking when you have spent several months pouring your heart and soul into someone only to have them one day disappear with no explanations and that is something you must prepare yourself for because it happens more times than not. So maybe you need to ask yourself before you get in to deep just how far you want to take this, because if you can for see yourself going to the next step then you want to be sure that this is going to be possible with this Dom you are now chatting with. Be realistic, if he lives in another country or even on the other side of this one, is relocating a possibility? Just remember to always use common sense before leaping into anything.

(in reply to justnewsub)
Profile   Post #: 16
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