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RE: Training with someone else - 9/23/2007 6:15:34 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
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The type of relationship you describe is not what has been criticized. In your relationship there is a simple understanding that the two of you are mutually enjoying your D/s dynamic on a temporary basis so that you may experiment and learn and reach a better understanding of the lifestyle and your wants and needs. That's fantastic.

That's not training. Or at least not training in the way it's traditionally used in the lifestyle. The terms training is meant to teach a new sub/slave your specific way of doing things. For example if I want 1 Equal and 2 Tbsp of Cream (NOT Half and Half) in my coffee. Or if I cold water but no ice. Do I want you to walk behind me, beside me, in front of me.... Who get's the door, who carries the toy bag, when do you sit at my feet, when do you sit beside me, how do I want to be addressed etc.....

Those things are all very specific to an individual and you cannot assume this "training" will transfer from one Dom/me to another. One LOVES to be called Mistress, another HATES to be called Mistress.

The reason "training" has a bad rap is that many online (and perhaps real life) Dominants (usually men) use this term to deceptively engage new or novice subs in play or to obtain sex. It's not all bad, if the sub is willing and enjoys the exchange there's nothing wrong with the two of them getting together. It's the lie that goes with it that bothers people. There is no such thing as general submissive training.

(in reply to eyesopened)

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RE: Training with someone else - 9/23/2007 6:29:20 AM

feastie

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Joined: 6/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn

LA, it's what Pyrrsefanie says. Basic training for me consists of learning the and getting into the habits of learning basic things that i will be able to carry over into the next relationship. Kind of like what i said before: how to kneel, address the person, getting into the habit of getting prepard for punishments, learning how to do simple tasks when he can't be there to directly give them to me, etc.
Training someone i see it as: Teaching someone who is brand new to get over their fears, (if this applies to a person who has had a bad past with guys or females through abuse, tormnet, etc.), to gain more hands on insight, to know and learn new play ideas, (role play, wax play, floggings, obediance-addressing someone, etc). This is how i see it. And i hope this helps clarify some confusion

Any dominant will teach you how s/he wants you to kneel, if at all. Some don't. Any dominant will teach you his/her preference on how to address him/her or others. Some don't care. Most will enjoy a newbie to activities such as wax play, floggings, etc. and adore the idea of breaking someone in. Most people do these activities differently as well, so whatever you might learn with this person is not necessarily going to help you with the next.

It's MUCH easier and more meaningful when the person you're learning with is someone you're in a relationship with.

Not everyone equates wiiwd with going to a bdsm club. It's not the end all and be all of wiiwd. For a lot of people. there simply are no bdsm clubs near them. It's an option they'd never have.

The point I'm trying to make, is enjoy what you're doing, regardless of whether you know the relationship is going to end. Don't think that it's going to carry you into your next relationship, because your next relationship will be vastly different, even if it's bottoming in a club or play party.

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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RE: Training with someone else - 9/23/2007 6:48:34 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
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WE used to do some training for other folks and on a rare occasions will still do.In reality all you really can teach is the basics unless the owner sending the slave/sub to you is very specific in his/her desires..AS a married Dom couple we our selfs have different ways of doing things and Diane and I confer often to make sure we are on the same page, there are those out there that believe that once trained that is it...bounty

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RE: Training with someone else - 9/23/2007 6:50:24 AM

SirCache

Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
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It could be a case of sour grapes--a 'Why should I do all the work and someone else will get all the reward' situation. Training styles and the general requirements of any relationship--training or personal--are so different that I don't have a real problem with it. The hard part really comes about when you might be trained by more than one at the same time--it could definitely get inside your head and confuse one thing for another.

Also, depending on what you are training in, there could be a bond that develops--and no one wants to feel they are excluded from that at the outset. Particularly if you take a shine to something they personally like. I guess you'll have to keep asking, and hope that someone who matches your 'need to know' is out there and willing to work with you knowing that you are not settled yet on a path.

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RE: Training with someone else - 9/23/2007 2:18:52 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
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Thank you to everyone, especially TNstepsout. Your explanation explains a whole lot more than i ever thought. We're bothing enjoying it a lot don't get me wrong, but i guess it's the "sterotype" that labels trying to figure out what to do and what not to do i guess is where i'm heading with this. Also, SirCache, it's only the two of us. We'll bring in one of my friend on a very rare occasion, but we prefer just the two of us. i'm making friends, but when we start talking and they know that i am seeking my Dom, yet "learning" with my current, it's like they scatter and don't want to talk anymore. So yes it's just a little complicated for me anyways.

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Post #: 25