Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (Full Version)

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Bobkgin -> Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 9:46:46 AM)

I've been watching "The Avengers" ('98, Fiennes and Thurman) and what I find so striking about it is the display of etiquette and politeness, despite the need to be violent, etc.

And then I thought of this forum as a BDSM gathering of people, many conversations occurring and people moving from one conversation to another and back again.

That got me wondering whether the way people behave here is the way they'd behave in a face-to-face BDSM gathering.

Which of course had me wondering if the way they behave there is the way they behave here.

Which boiled down to this topic:

What is your code of personal conduct when attending a face-to-face BDSM gathering (or the closest thing you have to it in the Vanilla world, if you've not attended such a gathering)?

Is there a difference between the way you behave there, and the way you behave here?

If so, what and why?



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 9:50:27 AM)

Well I don't belch and fart freely while I am at play parties and I do at home, Why don't I behave as freely at home as I do at parties? Because it's rude and socially unacceptable.



sublizzie -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 9:55:16 AM)

I am pretty much the same wherever you find me, work, church, here, other on-line communities, within my Lodge, at a munch, a play party, or with my family. What I talk about may be different but my core behaviors are the same.

Just my thoughts.......



AquaticSub -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 10:01:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

That got me wondering whether the way people behave here is the way they'd behave in a face-to-face BDSM gathering.

I'm more shy in the real world, depending on the setting and my mood. However, a good deal of that stems from the fact that as a child I would stutter so badly that I simply couldn't talk. Pair that with a chatterbox personality and you've got some problems. Because of that I may be more willing to offer an opinion here than in the real world where I have to speak.
quote:


What is your code of personal conduct when attending a face-to-face BDSM gathering (or the closest thing you have to it in the Vanilla world, if you've not attended such a gathering)?

Be respectful, listen to those who have more experience, try to make friends. I don't touch others without permission, I ask the owned party in private if they are ok with me asking if I can scene with their owner because that is what I would like them to do. I don't interupt scenes, I try not to start a scene when other people already have one going since I get pretty noisey. I haven't been to a munch but I would guess that I would simply try to not bother those surrounding us if we were in public.
quote:


Is there a difference between the way you behave there, and the way you behave here?

Now, the whole shy thing aside, I don't really think that I behave that much differently. I state what I think when I think it's useful or called for. I crack naughty jokes and sometimes put my foot in my mouth. A few people here have met me in real life so maybe they feel differently! [:)]



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 10:12:28 AM)

I don't operate the same at a social gathering offline as I do on online discussion forums at all.  Completely different contexts with completely different expectations.

In social offline gatherings, I use the same good manners any mature reasonable should be able to handle and operate within, there's no special kinky code of conduct.



kdsub -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 10:59:05 AM)

I am always polite and kind wherever I am BUT…I am not nearly as smart in real life as I am here…lol….Smart may not be the best analogy but here we get to study other responses. Check our spelling and diction.  Play like we are thinking real hard on the subject before we submit to the thread.In real life I am much less likely to speak out…and a lot less likely to argue a point.



iammachine -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 11:14:53 AM)

My behaviour is fairly similar across all mediums. I try to be polite, and I like to think that I generally succeed at that. Aside from that, I'm just me. *shrug*



teamnoir -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 11:34:59 AM)

Online, I'm much quicker to engage people. I find it easier to track nonverbals here than in person. Easier to manage the group dynamics. And I get time to think about my participation in ways that I don't in person.

In person, I'm slightly more withdrawn generally. I find it more difficult to participate at all.



Viridana -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 11:44:32 AM)

I behave the same way in a bdsm setting as I do in vanilla life. 



Vendaval -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 11:47:07 AM)

I am formally polite in Leather/Kink social gatherings until the other
Dominants present become less formal in their interactions.



jezChelle -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 11:55:45 AM)

i was raised up not allowed to speak in a group setting untill or unless i am spoken to, and sometimes when i am insecure in a larger group or a new group...i tend to fall back on that training. If Those i serve are present i tend to take my ques as to what is expected from Them directly...and go from there as to whom i am or am not permitted to have an exchange.  But once i am comfortable, i am typically polite and can carry my end of a conversation.  So i am different face to face than what one may find me here.  In either case i prefer being engaged and asked on my preferences.



passionateflame -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 12:03:56 PM)

as a collared sub i behave the same way in a vanilla gathering as i do here or if i were to attend a BDSM gathering i would behave the same way.
i would think about who i represent whether i am in His presence or not i would be representing Him in a BDSM setting and in a vanilla setting i represent the way i was raised my parents so many years ago. its the same thing.



chellekitty -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 1:53:17 PM)

i have two basic rules: (basic kindergarten rule) keep your hands, feet and toys to your self until given permission to do otherwise and never assume...and i have done pretty good as long as i keep those in mind...not every Dominant is labled "Dominant" and not every submissive is labled "submissive" or whatever title they go by...and going about hugging random people without permission or spanking everyone that walks by or forcing strangers onto their knees is generally frowned upon and will eventually, at some point get you sent to the hospital....so...play nice kiddies...



Prinsexx -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 4:20:43 PM)

This has really got me thinking; I am so many different things to so many different people.....mother, therapist, writer, friend, neighbour, lover, submissive (slut), lecturer.....and to be honest I just wing it generally all the time and what I mean by that is i try to stay as much in the now as possible.
When I write I can write a short in less than 30 minutes and factual stuff at a speed of up to 15,000 a day. I can lecture from the hip AND (since I have my mars in scorpio I am assured) I can explode with emotion but just as easily clip a quip that will have 'em rolling in the aisles. I am off the scale extravert and intuitive....and make a pretty good private dancer whereever I am. And I can listen with an open heart and ears.
Even when I'm 'slutting' i don't play. My sis and I sometimes play a game. As she is a dominant female she has a radar for submissive males. I, it seems, am a atrget for dominants. I do find, and this is i suppose my anser to the OP, that I kinda go into a submissive number whenI am around a domiant. On the tube train, standing in a queue, passing one by in the street. it's like a chemical thing. Eyes down, fluttery little eyelash thing and a more mincing walk. When I catch myself out it makes me smile inwardly as shame left me a long time ago. I walk rather walk with a kink than with shame, or blame anyday.




DCroommate -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 5:05:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

Well I don't belch and fart freely while I am at play parties and I do at home, Why don't I behave as freely at home as I do at parties? Because it's rude and socially unacceptable.


Ewww you mean you're belching and farting while you are writing here on CM... ewwwwww

~ann



feastie -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 6:48:56 PM)

I behave the same as I do in "vanilla" (god, i hate that term), situation.



Pyrrsefanie -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 6:51:48 PM)

I'm usually a loudmouthed, somewhat hyperactive goofball in everyday life.  But for some reason I find that when meeting other people in the lifestyle face-to-face, I turn extremely shy.

Which is probably not a bad thing, seeing as I regularly have no inner monologue about ANYTHING, but still.

As a general rule I try to be polite and not cause trouble, unless somebody cops an attitude with me, in which case the fangs/claws/etc. come out.  Anger management is for quitters.



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 7:25:59 PM)

Different people sets ,call for differing behavior sets...example of people sets: Family,friends,work place,kink settings,message forums etc..all requiring different behaviors in one way or another..Tempting



MaDomAura -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 7:30:47 PM)

In my area party etiquette is usually defined. One "rule" seems constant, don't approach or interact with a sub without the Ds consent.

This isn't a problem with single or solo subs, so....

This creates a question. You can't always tell a submissive by appearance, then there are those who switch. I might want to top, with a sub or switch but not knowing who's a sub or switch means making their acquaintance. If etiquette dictates that I ask permission from their D then how do I even begin to interact?



chellekitty -> RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering (9/22/2007 8:30:57 PM)

you speak politely to everyone as if they are a person until they indicate that you should do otherwise....



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