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Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/20/2005 4:31:24 PM   
trailmix


Posts: 7
Joined: 7/20/2005
Status: offline 		DOM says:<br>1)He's not looking for another to collar(yet he looks in profiles of those who wants to be collar).<br>2)He's not interested<br>3)He wouldn't and don't have the time.<br>4)that with me he knows I'm clean he doesn't have to worry.<br>5)That I needed to not worry that its just my insecure.*** yet he adds "it would be nce to have someone closeby.***<br><br>IS MY LOVE FOR HIM ENOUGH TO STAY??<br><br>1)He says one thing and does another.<br>2)He has been caught in several lied and won't admit his wrong.<br>3)He doesn't have time for me yet he's looking for another<br>4)He makes wrong choices when he wants to do something(he 's thinking with the wrong head).<br>5)His strong values are no longer there and neither is his Intergrity.(to him being a Master means to have as many women's no matter who's feelings gets hurt).6) Disease he doesn't know these people he (a)will jump into sex without even thinking.(b)Many people nowadays have a lookout just in case who knows where they are going and who they are with.(c)people have people write liscense plates down when they are pick up.(d) taking a risk that someone will follow them.(e)he will get rip-off(g)the lady turns out to be a man.<br><br>Is my Love enough to stay with him? why should I??
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RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/20/2005 4:38:56 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		"Ouch" the key word here is that in your words " He has been caught in several lied and won't admit his wrong".
The trust level is not here. and YOU cannot trust him. Can the trust level be repaired.
My opinion it cannot.
It maybe time for YOU to ask for his release and to seek another.

TRUST is all incompasing and ALL important. YOU have to trust even in a "vanilla" relationship but in a BDSM one the trust has to be total and complete NO doubt or room for doubt.

Now weather its a "poly" relationship he is seeking or not is not the issue..
YOU cannot trust him and are falling on your "LOVE" for him to keep you safe and secure.
Doing this will just "eat at you" until the "YOU" is no longer here.

Time to move on.. :-(



_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to trailmix)
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RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/20/2005 5:18:07 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		NO it is not enuff trailmix.
He wants to be poly, and you do not. Someting has to give him or you.
The lies are due to his not wanting to "hurt" you but clearly your aware.
Either accept poly or move on. Hard to accept I know but that is the core of the issue.

Good luck

CP

(in reply to Kinkypupper)
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RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/20/2005 7:37:10 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper

It maybe time for YOU to ask for his release and to seek another.


ASK for his release???

How about showing him the door and telling him not to let it hit him on the way out?

Why would anyone need to ASK in this situation?

If you feel betrayed and lied to, and the trust is gone, and your partner doesn't seem to care (if what we are reading here is the whole story), then I can't see any need for asking anything except that he not bother to contact you ever again.

Slavery is a romantic concept to many of us...but it's not a legal reality.

Cin

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Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

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RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/20/2005 7:57:15 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Love is never enough to make a relationship work well.

(in reply to trailmix)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/20/2005 8:06:08 PM   
MistressFire70


Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		It really sounds like you've answered your own questions, but are looking for validation. And, while we can give you this, in the end, you have to go with your own gut. As a slave, you have two choices: obey or end the relationship. If you can't obey because it would be detrimental to your mental health, then you must leave.

I wish you the best. Leaving is not easy. *hugs*

Fire


_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/20/2005 9:19:05 PM   
GentleLady


Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trailmix

DOM says:
1)He's not looking for another to collar(yet he looks in profiles of those who wants to be collar).
2)He's not interested
3)He wouldn't and don't have the time.
4)that with me he knows I'm clean he doesn't have to worry.
5)That I needed to not worry that its just my insecure.*** yet he adds "it would be nce to have someone closeby.***

IS MY LOVE FOR HIM ENOUGH TO STAY??

1)He says one thing and does another.
2)He has been caught in several lied and won't admit his wrong.
3)He doesn't have time for me yet he's looking for another
4)He makes wrong choices when he wants to do something(he 's thinking with the wrong head).
5)His strong values are no longer there and neither is his Intergrity.(to him being a Master means to have as many women's no matter who's feelings gets hurt).
6) Disease he doesn't know these people he
(a)will jump into sex without even thinking.
(b)Many people nowadays have a lookout just in case who knows where they are going and who they are with.
(c)people have people write liscense plates down when they are pick up.
(d) taking a risk that someone will follow them.
(e)he will get rip-off
(g)the lady turns out to be a man.

Is my Love enough to stay with him? why should I??


You have listed the reasons why you are concerned and why you think maybe you should not stay. Can you list the reasons why you are staying and why you are 'in love' with this man?

Gentle Lady




_____________________________

All things are possible to those who have patience, try, and are willing to learn.

(in reply to trailmix)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/20/2005 10:23:40 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, it's great that you have joined CM and I encoruage you to stay and enjoy the message borads. However there is a problem but since this is your first day I think we will all cut you a little slack.

When you make a post, it's not neccessary to post it in every catagory. It becomes annoying and can put you on ppls not likeable list. I'd e-mail you this but you have your account hidden to where ppl can't read it nor send you messages.
I don't know if you are getting the answers that you are looking for but for the most part you are getting answers that make sense. So please remember that one question only needs to be posted in one catagory. Anyone who cares to answer to it will get around to it sooner or later. You'll just have to be a little patient.

Take care as I look forward to your other post. I hope you have learned your lesson.

Sincerly,
FnF

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I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/20/2005 11:23:31 PM   
SteelBondager


Posts: 86
Joined: 5/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Love is never enough to make a relationship work well.


You summed that up well. Love it!

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RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/20/2005 11:31:40 PM   
SteelBondager


Posts: 86
Joined: 5/29/2005
Status: offline 		an aside: BDSM relationships can work well without romantic or erotic love. A purely top/bottom relationship (for example), can exist between people who have never met before. The bottom might not even ever directly perceive the top, only feeling the implement being used. There are many other examples of this.

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RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/21/2005 8:26:16 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

He says one thing and does another

trailmix


trailmix..at 51..i FINALLY realised that you must watch his behavior and close your ears to his magnificient lies.

i sincerely hope it does not take you as long as it took me.

pinkpleasures

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RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/21/2005 8:54:33 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

YOU cannot trust him and are falling on your "LOVE" for him to keep you safe and secure.
Doing this will just "eat at you" until the "YOU" is no longer here.

Time to move on.. :-(


nice B.L., Kinkypupper, couldn't have said it better!

(in reply to Kinkypupper)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/21/2005 7:23:47 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with the building consensus that love is not enough to literally stay in the relationship as it is described in your post.

You might choose to view the possibility of your leaving as a heart-felt gift to two people to love. You and him.

Maybe you see something precious in him that readers of your post can't see and you want to recognize that in a real way, just as you have to prudently recognize dishonesty, etc.

At a certain point, to leave may be the best and kindest thing you can do for him, whether or not he will ever see it that way. It is possible that your leaving could in the end be something he needs or would benefit from and you could give him that gift out of your love.

I hope that you do love yourself as well. Of course we have only heard one side here but taking you at your word, leaving him might end up being a gift that you very much deserve to receive from yourself.

Noah

(in reply to trailmix)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/21/2005 7:38:42 PM   
punnishme


Posts: 23
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline 		Love sucks sometimes doesn't it?

You know it and I do as well!

I'm going through a similar situation right now, however my Master and I have known each other for two years, the man has become my sun and my rain, and to be honest I'm not sure where I'd be if it wasn't for Him. He's been the source of inspiration but with that has come alot of tears that I shouldn't have had to go through either.

It never has been nor will it ever be a relationship and I love Him to much to leave no matter how many others He continues to bring in, even though I swore I'd never put myself through it again with Him. I'd rather leave then go through the hell I went through a few months ago due to another girls selfishness.

The choice is up to you, you say you love Him, but will this man ever put a wedding ring on you? Will your dreams in life? Or even in slavery come true with this man that you call Master?

If the answer to those questions are no and that's what you really want: love, a family, and to still be a slave but be monogomous and He refuses to understand, move on if that's what you really want.

Only you can truely know what's best for you, you can come here for guidence but only you should make your decisions, and base those decisions on what YOU ALONE want for your life, Your Master doesn't live Your life, your Master, isn't going to mysteriously make you happy, with bringing other girls into this if that isn't what you want.

I wish you luck and my box is always open if you want to talk.

MEL

(in reply to trailmix)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/21/2005 9:20:22 PM   
testlimit


Posts: 47
Joined: 6/11/2005
Status: offline 		Ok, maybe I'm missing something that everyone else is seeing, but is that he's LOOKING at profiles of others or is it that he's actually CONTACTING others? If he's just looking, I and wondering out loud, then I don't think it's time to jump ship just yet...try talking with him and finding out why he's looking and how serious he is and let him know that you are NOT ok with a poly relationship and WHY you are not.

If he's actually contacting other people and going out and all, and he's doing it despite knowing your feelings and that he's betraying your trust then, yeah, it's time to pack things up, more than likely.

I think a lot of people here on the site are getting a little gunshy with their advice. Everytime someone posts something resembling this problem it's always "RUN AWAY!!!!" Now often that's good advice for many of the threads of this nature, but you can't read every one of them as in eminant crisis. From what the OP posted I didn't see where the Dom was doing anything other than browsing and speculating....now is there a problem there? yes. But if that's all he's doing, then it's not much beyond checking other women out in the supermarket and fantasizing. It's not a reason to totally ditch the relationship. It is a reason to take a step back and reaccess things and try to talk them out, get to the reasoning behind the behaviour.


Anyway that's my two cents....

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/21/2005 9:25:59 PM   
Xploremyworld


Posts: 14
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		trailmix...
You've done a very logical thing by LISTING all the reasons that you no longer TRUST your Dom. You say you love him, and no one will question that (I can sense the emotional connections in your words of exasperation). On balance, your love for him doesn't seem to outweigh the numerous reasons you listed (lack of trust, his lack of integrity, non-caring, etc.) questioning why you should stay with this person. Frankly, he seems more like a Pedator instead of a deserving Dominant.

I will tell you this, trailmix. IF YOU STAY WITH HIM, your list of reasons for not wanting to be with him will ONLY GET LONGER. DUMP the jerk, the sooner the better, and DON'T bother to ask for release! He doesn't deserve you.

(in reply to trailmix)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/21/2005 11:21:20 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: testlimit
From what the OP posted I didn't see where the Dom was doing anything other than browsing and speculating....now is there a problem there? yes. But if that's all he's doing, then it's not much beyond checking other women out in the supermarket and fantasizing. It's not a reason to totally ditch the relationship. It is a reason to take a step back and reaccess things and try to talk them out, get to the reasoning behind the behaviour.


Anyway that's my two cents....


I think you have a valid point...I took it that dom was actually meeting strangers and having possibly unsafe sex with them...

The OP is not coherently written, and yes, I think, I for one, made leaps.

My bad.

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

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RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/22/2005 3:59:50 AM   
ElektraUkM


Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline 		With regard to the question of whether he's actually doing something 'wrong' in perusing profiles... There's a difference between 'just looking' at people going by in the Supermarket (or wherever) and actively looking through profiles of other people who want to be collared.

One is 'accidental'/incidental ~ one is purposeful.

~ Elektra

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/22/2005 11:13:35 AM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ElektraUkM
One is 'accidental'/incidental ~ one is purposeful.

~ Elektra


I agree. And I still stand by my thinking that there are too many issues here to make this a "stand by your man" kind of situation.

The OP states that the dom has lost his integrity if I am reading it right; that to me is a reason to call it quits. Even if you believe the person will regain their integrity, then a reasonable assumption is that one is best to take a break from the relationship and take the time to rebuild the trust...if it can be rebuilt.

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to ElektraUkM)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Is LOVE Enough To Stay - 7/22/2005 7:32:09 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		It might be for some people, some who are willing to settle for less than they deserve, maybe. There are probably other reasons too, but in my case, once the questions started, the inability to trust, and knowing i deserved a whole lot more, the relationship was over.

Good luck..it's never easy having to make this kind of decision. i often thought it should be, but it's not..

cheers
jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 20
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