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Online D/s relationships - 9/23/2007 3:30:11 PM

Blaakmaan

Posts: 374
Joined: 5/21/2007
Status: offline

Hello all.

A submissive recently asked me if I had ever considered an online D/s relationship.

I have thought about it, since it would increase the number of submissives I can consider for a relationship. However, I'm not sure how such a relationship would work.

How would a Dom train and punish a submissive online?

I know, from reading other posts, that a lot of submissives and Dominants feel that the only real D/s relationship is a real-time relationship.

Leaving that to the side, have any of you (Doms and submissives) experienced a D/s relationship that was solely or primarily online?

If you have, did you enjoy it? How did it work?

How did you train the submissive, if you're a Dom; how did the Dom train you, if you're the submissive?

How were you punished for infractions, if you're the submissive; how did you punish the submissive, if you're the Dom?

Thanks to all who respond...

Post #: 1

RE: Online D/s relationships - 9/23/2007 3:33:54 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

it can work...D/s is about the mental stuff not the physical....punishment, if it's even a part of your dynamic (it doesn't need to be), does not have to be corpral (in my case corpral punishment does absolutely no good in a real time relationship) it just takes a different approach...just think about everthing you would do without the physical play and the sex, and do it...

that being said...it would not work for me...i won't do it again...i have found the real time and i like it too much to go back to being isolated to pixels on a screen...

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 2

RE: Online D/s relationships - 9/23/2007 3:50:30 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

it can work...D/s is about the mental stuff not the physical....punishment, if it's even a part of your dynamic (it doesn't need to be), does not have to be corpral (in my case corpral punishment does absolutely no good in a real time relationship) it just takes a different approach...just think about everthing you would do without the physical play and the sex, and do it...

that being said...it would not work for me...i won't do it again...i have found the real time and i like it too much to go back to being isolated to pixels on a screen...

What she said...

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 3

RE: Online D/s relationships - 9/23/2007 4:49:27 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

i'm in an online relationship with Daddy and successfully, happily have been so for over a year. it wasn't Daddy's style to "train" me to be a submissive - that part came naturally to me .according to Him, training would bore me (and it does). basically we started off as friends first before moving into our current Daddydaughter D/s dynamic ...we have many things from interests, hobbies, kink dislikes etc in common. punishments (as rare as they occur) might include long lectures to no communication for 24hrs. the most important fact about my relationship with Him is that He has molded, shaped, nurtured and guided me towards the submissive i'm today ...and He's takes pride knowing that He owns a successful, independent, opinionated, etc daughter. i'm proud to wear His collar.

edit to add: this narrow-minded thinking that real-time relationship is the only real type of D/s dynamic sickens me. there's no absolute twue D/s dynamic that everyone should follow ... it takes communication and dedication to form both types of relationships. granted online doesn't work for everyone however not every online relationship is based on a fantasy either. i don't need a physical relationship to feel complete with Daddy - sex isn't the main course of my relationship to Him ...it's dessert after having the main course.
-

< Message edited by sambamanslilgirl -- 9/23/2007 5:01:26 PM >

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 4

RE: Online D/s relationships - 9/23/2007 6:36:46 PM

onlyHisgirl

Posts: 101
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline

All of my D/s relationships have been online. my Daddy and i are online right now until such a time that W/we can both be together since W/we are both in school and 800 miles apart.
W/we talk every night, i have webcam, a digital camera. Daddy's punishments have been very interesting...i had to leave my clamps on until He called me or i had to handwrite 100/300/500 times a certain sentence. Take pictures or scan it into the computer. Can i just say the most "painful" word to write over and over is disrespectful...i think it's the way Y/you have to move Your wrist and fingers at the same time.
This is relationship is a lot about trust. At first i had to keep in great detail...a journal of who i talked to, what websites i went to, etc for Daddy called updates. These updates were to be sent at certain points in the day so Daddy didn't have a lot to read at night. Now i just send one "overview" of my day to Daddy. i have had horrible trust issues in the past but this time...Daddy knows how to handle everything and keep me in check. He's great at the "mind fuck", lol. i enjoy it and i can't wait until W/we are real time :-)

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 5

RE: Online D/s relationships - 9/23/2007 8:07:22 PM

curiouspet55

Posts: 133
Joined: 10/13/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

Yes, I have. It was not satisfying and did not work out. I ended the situation due to the lack of physical contact and regular communication, and there being no hope of meeting anytime soon (he was in the military in the UK). That said, I learned a lot about D/s and different techniques from him, and I learned about my own interests in D/s and how intricate they were. He facilitated that, so for that I am grateful.

I think that if an online relationship is used as a stepping stone to a real time relationship, and there is lots of regular and open communication, then there is potential for the situation to work out - if the situation was going to eventually develop into something other than online. If there is no hope for that, then it is, imho, like living in a fantasy world.

cp55

_____________________________

Question everything, try anything, do something.

(in reply to onlyHisgirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Online D/s relationships - 9/24/2007 3:51:50 AM

Areflectionofyou

Posts: 258
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline

online of course can work...its just not my cup of tea

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 7

RE: Online D/s relationships - 9/24/2007 4:40:49 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

Online can work and can employ as many different techniques as one can imagine. Honesty and trust building are just as paramount online as off, being available is also important. It's not something you can blow off till later. If you venture into this, you have to make yourself available for it to work. I was trained to have a Pavlovian response to his voice by use of a particular .wav file. It was very effective. I was taught orgasm control ... online. Posing scenarios, questions, teaching introspection. Just about the only thing that can't be done online is the physical part. You just have to figure out how to apply your techniques and skills in the online media. The caveat is that both parties have to treat it as if it is real, and both parties have to participate fully.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Areflectionofyou)

Post #: 8

RE: Online D/s relationships - 9/24/2007 5:03:19 AM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

To the OP,

I believe one can use it as a preparatory stage, but I doubt many would find it fulfilling in the long run. It may provide a way of interviewing multiple candidates, judging their level of commitment and getting to know them better before moving on to a real-time relationship. One can also use it for skill training and the like. Some may find cams entertaining, as well.

When dealing with candidates that live far away, such as between the US and Europe, or even in a different state/country within these, it can be an invaluable tool in starting the process while one works on getting a green card or the like, though I would still say one should have extended visits before eventually moving, finances permitting.

As for discipline, one could use speech restrictions, writing meaningless nonsense, or even contact deprivation. If a cam is available, one can use physical discipline within the range that can be self-inflicted. If a friend in the area can help out, that can cover some things, but runs the risk of the candidate becoming attached to that person. Either way, it is hard, if not impossible, to realize meaningful discipline at a distance.

Perhaps a better question (for yourself) is what the goal of that discipline would be?

That would go a long way toward answering how to implement it.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 9

RE: Online D/s relationships - 9/24/2007 12:18:24 PM

Blaakmaan

Posts: 374
Joined: 5/21/2007
Status: offline

I thought that the purpose of discipline, online or real-time, was ordinarily (if not always) to enforce the Dominant's rules--to punish the submissive for violating those rules.

Am I wrong?

(in reply to Aswad)

Post #: 10

RE: Online D/s relationships - 9/24/2007 1:45:20 PM

devotedsylph

Posts: 56
Joined: 8/8/2007
Status: offline

My Master and I are in a long distance relationship (we're 800 miles apart). We are primarily telephone/online, but not exclusively. I go to visit him as much as our finances allow (there's nothing at all interesting about where I live). We have been in a relationship for about 2 years now and we are looking to move me over in several months.

We are different fromt he vast majority of long distance relationships. We maintain a LOT of telephone contact (we talk several times a day and usually a 'long call' before bedtime) and have time online together. We also send e-mails, snail mail letters and packages. Most long distance relationships don't maintain the level of contact we have, and I am VERY fortunate to have it.

I also have a webcam and he gifted me with a digital camera.

My Master doesn't "train" me. He says, I do. Honestly, I've never understood the whole training thing.

As for punishment, it can vary. He has disallowed me from certain activities, restricted my diet (for example, would take away sweets or something I enjoy), take away TV time, restrict what sites I can access, remove contact, make me write essays or do some sort of project. Since we're both on broadband and never turn off our computers, my webcam is on nearly all the time. He will KNOW if I am watching TV or something like that. He will see what I'm wearing. I also showed him how to remote access my computer so he could at his whim check what I'm doing/have done.

Hope this helps,
sylph

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 11

RE: Online D/s relationships - 9/24/2007 3:53:07 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

I thought that the purpose of discipline, online or real-time, was ordinarily (if not always) to enforce the Dominant's rules--to punish the submissive for violating those rules.

Ordinarily, that may be the case.

Depends on what you want to do, though.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 12

RE: Online D/s relationships - 9/24/2007 4:05:09 PM

greyarcher315

Posts: 99
Joined: 12/7/2006
Status: offline

i can not see it working in the long run, and have doubts even about short term. If it works for you, great, but i think there are too many fakers and liars out there for it to be reliable.

(in reply to Aswad)

Post #: 13

RE: Online D/s relationships - 9/24/2007 4:10:14 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

I did it for two years. It worked just fine. I don't think I want that sort of relationship again with anyone else, but I do consider it a successful relationship. Just because a relationship ... I'll say changes in this case, rather than ends, doesn't mean it was unsuccessful.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to greyarcher315)

Post #: 14

RE: Online D/s relationships - 9/24/2007 4:14:35 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Not everyone responds well to punishment...I know I don't. I don't know that I would do very well in an online relationship, but some do.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 15

RE: Online D/s relationships - 9/24/2007 5:20:23 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: greyarcher315

i think there are too many fakers and liars out there for it to be reliable.

Not a problem, really... just weed them out early on.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to greyarcher315)

Post #: 16

RE: Online D/s relationships - 10/13/2007 3:17:19 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

For me if you are moving towards real time, online can fill the gap until that happens. But just as online without leading to real time then it's a waste of my time.

Mike

(in reply to Aswad)

Post #: 17

RE: Online D/s relationships - 10/13/2007 3:46:36 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

I am currently in an online relationship and I have to say I would never do it out of choice. The only reason that I am in one is because I physically can't be with the person...yet. We plan on meeting in about 2 months (the only reason it will take so long is because I need a passport and visa - if we lived in the same country we would have already met by now) and I can't wait.

Honestly being online drives me crazy. We talk everyday for hours...webcam, voice chat, all that...and there is nothing more painful than being able to see someone, hear his voice, yet not be able to touch. Not even just the sex stuff...the stuff like hugging, or kissing, or snuggling, or even being able to cook him dinner. I would love to be able to cook my man dinner, give him a massage when he comes home from work, rub my face against his chest and sleep in his arms. So much that it physically hurts sometimes.

As far as punishment goes I haven't been punished online. I don't quite know how 'training' works for other people but for me the thought of making him happy is inspiration and the thought of dissappointing him is punishment enough. Although sometimes when I'm in a feisty mood he's threatened to make me do things to myself...but the threat was enough

I guess though that's where 'submission' comes in - being able to submit *without* being slapped around....and if you do get 'punished' being responsible enough to carry it out yourself.

I think you can do a lot of conditioning online - learning to use the word "Master" for example in my case, or kneeling on command, but it can never be as complete as doing it face to face. As a stepping stone however, it definitely opens up a lot of doors...and vastly increases the available dating pool as well!

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 18

RE: Online D/s relationships - 10/13/2007 3:50:28 PM

pleasureforck

Posts: 95
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline

My Sir and I have been long distance for almost a year. It has been extremely hard but we have at least seen each other once in awhile. I would not have gotten involved if I didn't think there was a possibility of being together in rl. He is moving in with me in 2 weeks.

Punishment consisted of orgasm denial, pictures, writing things, kneeing in the corner gagged for a certain length of time and a few other things. Never has he withheld himself as punishment. I could not handle that at all. I need contact with him everyday or I would start to feel insecure. Feelings of insecurity is the greatest drawback of long distance for me.

_____________________________

I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 19

RE: Online D/s relationships - 10/14/2007 4:47:07 PM

lilrissa

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

it can work as long as both are honest and willing..However unless a webcam were involved i could just as easily tell someone that i was doing what i was told and wearing what was asked when im really in a tshirt and flannel pj bottoms eating a bowl of ice cream and watching re runs of I Love Lucy. Depends on if yer both willing or not and honest enough with each other.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 20

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