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i need advice plz - 7/21/2005 5:29:13 AM

tamemekitty

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline

My Master and me have been seeing and corresponding for a while. I am under consideration. I am to relocate to where he is located. I was very bratty for while and he was patient. We talked all the time. Now we may go for days and him not talk with me at all. I almost feel he liked it better when I was being bad and he had to chase after me all the time and wonder what trouble i was getting into or causing. I am a attetion loving sub. I dont need much, but I do like to know I am wanted. I want to be his and serve him is all i truly want. Whatever he may request of me. But feeling on the outside is lonely. A friend says maybe he is is afraid to get to involved with me and is having more feelings for me. Please I need advice.
thank you very much
for your time
humbly
tame me kitty

Post #: 1

RE: i need advice plz - 7/21/2005 5:39:55 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

The realistic answer is that you both have probably been playing cyber games and he's off playing more cyber games with other people while you're wanting more.

I'd say move on and get to know other people, online and off, and don't make promises to move to be with someone until you know them better.

(in reply to tamemekitty)

Post #: 2

RE: i need advice plz - 7/21/2005 5:48:13 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Tamemekitty,

EXACTLY what she said (EmeraldSlave2)............believe it and live it. There are alternative explainations, but the possibility of them being the case is so remote as to not waste a whit daydreaming about.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 3

RE: i need advice plz - 7/21/2005 6:01:14 AM

softandshy

Posts: 297
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline

Ask him directly. The next time you do speak, tell him what you have seen and what you are feeling, then ask him directly. Use open ended questions though, not the yes/no kind, because you'll get a better sense of exactly what's going on in his head. That way you can tell if it's cyber games or not.

_____________________________

Happy "Swamp Thing"

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 4

RE: i need advice plz - 7/21/2005 6:02:22 AM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

Dear Kitty,

I myself would like to know more information.

1. What is the distance between you two?
2. How many times have you meet face to face in person?

Unfortunatly I can only give you a few ideas of what's going on.

1. It's very true that he could be afraid of whats going on. As the phrase goes "be careful of what you wish for because you just might get it."

2. He could be the type of person who wanted to see if someone would acctually relocate for him but didn't want it to really happen. He just wanted to see if he could.

3. He's just being an idiot and changing his mind about a few things or thinking about other considerations and dosen't have the decentcy to tell you what's going on.

4. He's so confident in you that he feels he dosn't have to talk or see you all the time.

5. He wants you to take the hint that it's over because he can't tell you himself.

6. Just a part of his mind games.

As for what you can or should do, I advise you to just be a little patient. Just send one message to him and see how long it takes for him to repond. If it's longer that 2 weeks then send another one. If you get no response to that one then it's time to reconsider what the relationship should be. But that all depends if you even plan on keeping in touch with him at all. And then there's the what to do when you get a message you get from him 6 months later. In anycase, it's best to go with your gut feelings on where the relationship is really headed and decide what you want to do about it.

Best of luck,
FnF

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to tamemekitty)

Post #: 5

RE: i need advice plz - 7/21/2005 7:48:59 AM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

quote:

The realistic answer is that you both have probably been playing cyber games and he's off playing more cyber games with other people while you're wanting more.

I'd say move on and get to know other people, online and off, and don't make promises to move to be with someone until you know them better.

tammekitty

tammekitty; i have been down the garden path here on CM more times than i am willing to admit. Men are intelligent, cunning, etc. In my opinion, a Man who gets to the point you have described and backs off or disappears is MARRIED. Why married men waste our time and lie to us is beyond me to explain, but here are some things to watch out for in the future:

1. Will not freely disclose his full name (at a point where there is a relationship; not during the exchanging CM emails stage; this holds true for all my decision-points).

2. Will not freely disclose his employer's name, addy and his position and business phone no. Business email is more sensitive; in many companies, personal use of email is forbidden.

3. Wants cyber and phone sex; but is vague on the where, what and when of your relationship....and this never changes.

4. Is vague about when he divorced his wife and who has custody of the kids.

5. Cannot make plans to come see you "at this time".

6. Always calls you on his cell.

7. You have a sickly feeling in your tummy/neck/left foot that he is a liar.

tammekitty, in my opinion, approximately 75% to 90% of the men who contact me on CM are married. (Bear in mind i am almost 52 yrs old; few P/pl my age are single.) So the odds of ANY man being single are "with the house". It is not disrespectful to ask for a copy of his certified divorce decree, or his paycheck (possibly with his earnings blacked out) showing child support being garnished from his wages.

Finally, when in doubt girlfriend, in my experience, yes, he is married...and a liar...and therefore not a real Dom.

An aside to Emerald..dear..the thread poster already knew she had a problem. Yes, you put in better terms than she did, but what she sought from U/us was HELP. i cannot see where dismissing her as a ninny was especially helpful. If you believe that none of these problems could ever occur in your life; that you have some sort of shield that the rest of us do not have; you are somewhat blinded to the risks by your hubrus.

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 7/21/2005 7:53:36 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 6

RE: i need advice plz - 7/21/2005 11:46:07 AM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

Many "Dom" types do not want a emotional attachment at all. so that may be what you are seeing
Could also be tho that he is hiding something..

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to tamemekitty)

Post #: 7

RE: i need advice plz - 7/21/2005 12:46:32 PM

BlouLady

Posts: 170
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline

I have to agree with Emerald here. Sorry.

(in reply to tamemekitty)

Post #: 8

RE: i need advice plz - 7/31/2005 8:50:55 AM

ehlovindom

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tamemekitty

My Master and me have been seeing and corresponding for a while.

A while?? How long a while?

quote:

I am under consideration. I am to relocate to where he is located.

You are going to pick up and relocate? Have you even met this "dom"? have you spent any time with him in person?

quote:

I was very bratty for while and he was patient. We talked all the time. Now we may go for days and him not talk with me at all. I almost feel he liked it better when I was being bad and he had to chase after me all the time and wonder what trouble i was getting into or causing. I am a attetion loving sub. I dont need much, but I do like to know I am wanted. I want to be his and serve him is all i truly want. Whatever he may request of me. But feeling on the outside is lonely. A friend says maybe he is is afraid to get to involved with me and is having more feelings for me. Please I need advice.
tame me kitty

If this relationship was just on the internet and the telephone, then you should seriously consider your plans. Sometimes the chase is more exciting than the catch. Better speak with him and work out this before making a mistake. Best of luck

_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to tamemekitty)

Post #: 9

RE: i need advice plz - 7/31/2005 9:18:08 AM

subcheryl

Posts: 280
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline

I am aware that my case is unusual and worked out better than it could have. And I also made plans and had an escape plan in mind before I made my move. But I met my Master online here, after going thru several Doms, all but him gave me a icky feeling in my stomache so knew that they weren't for me. Anyway, Master and I chatted on here and on yahoo, and by phone. He lived 16 hrs away from me, and had no way of coming to meet me, and I was at a stage in my life I had just lost a job I had for 14 yrs, was having to surrender my trailer home back to the company, and really no where to go except to live with family which I did for a month before even coming to Master. I made the choice to come to be with Master sight unseen on both our parts. He helped me with moving expenses and such. He provided me with infor on himself and I left this with family and friends, and also did a general web search and knew that he did infact live at the address he provided and no records against him, and that he did work at the place he said he did. Also had a way of getting back home if things didn't work out well. anyway we have been together now going on 7 mths. Not saying that this will be the case for the op but sometimes it works out. She obviously has doubts and should really consider not moving with him, it sounds like her stomache is trying to tell her that the situations is not like it should be, and she needs to go slower and do what is suggested by the previously posted and also consider this guy is not as serious about her moving as he led her to be. There is more to my story but didn't want to be too lengthly, which I probably have been. But just wanted to share not all goes bad, but you also need to trust your instincts and mind too to guide you and in this case I would probably run the other way. hope this makes sense. Also know there have been those who did what I did with some serious consequences. Each experience is different, I guess.

(in reply to tamemekitty)

Post #: 10

RE: i need advice plz - 7/31/2005 10:27:08 AM

stormsfate

Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

E said it very well.

Additionally, he could be tired of having to work so hard to gain your submission (i.e. having to watch you all the time to make sure you were behaving) and with having to shower you with attention all the time. While there are admittedly some who enjoy brattiness, in my experience, a lot of dominants do not enjoy having to constantly work to obtain and maintain the desired behaviour in the submissive. At some point, the submissive should have an idea of the behaviour desired of him/her and should have enough self control to not *need* constant attention and correction. I'm not saying this is the case in your situation, but I have seen girls released for that sort of behaviour, and others who weren't even given consideration because of it.

best regards,
fate

(in reply to tamemekitty)

Post #: 11

RE: i need advice plz - 7/31/2005 10:51:55 AM

Niran

Posts: 70
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

You know ES, one of the things that I like best about your posts is that you call it like you see it. No fluffy emotional "Yeah but..." crud. Do please keep it up.

Tame me kitty-What Emerald said. Chalk it up to experience, and move on.

Niran

(in reply to stormsfate)

Post #: 12

RE: i need advice plz - 7/31/2005 11:25:57 AM

junkyard

Posts: 107
Joined: 3/13/2005
Status: offline

Yes, ES2 is known for her insouciance...

=)

(in reply to Niran)

Post #: 13

RE: i need advice plz - 7/31/2005 12:39:17 PM

Niran

Posts: 70
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

I wouldn't call her disinterested or indifferent, I would say she says it like it is. I like that in a person. I think that so many have gotten caught up in the politically correct, self-esteem protecting mode that is the vogue, that the indelicate art of "calling a duck a duck" is dying the slow death that common courtesy and common sense did.

(in reply to junkyard)

Post #: 14

RE: i need advice plz - 7/31/2005 5:46:59 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

quote:

The realistic answer is that you both have probably been playing cyber games and he's off playing more cyber games with other people while you're wanting more.

I'd say move on and get to know other people, online and off, and don't make promises to move to be with someone until you know them better.

tammekitty

tammekitty; i have been down the garden path here on CM more times than i am willing to admit. Men are intelligent, cunning, etc. In my opinion, a Man who gets to the point you have described and backs off or disappears is MARRIED. Why married men waste our time and lie to us is beyond me to explain, but here are some things to watch out for in the future:

1. Will not freely disclose his full name (at a point where there is a relationship; not during the exchanging CM emails stage; this holds true for all my decision-points).

2. Will not freely disclose his employer's name, addy and his position and business phone no. Business email is more sensitive; in many companies, personal use of email is forbidden.

3. Wants cyber and phone sex; but is vague on the where, what and when of your relationship....and this never changes.

4. Is vague about when he divorced his wife and who has custody of the kids.

5. Cannot make plans to come see you "at this time".

6. Always calls you on his cell.

7. You have a sickly feeling in your tummy/neck/left foot that he is a liar.

tammekitty, in my opinion, approximately 75% to 90% of the men who contact me on CM are married. (Bear in mind i am almost 52 yrs old; few P/pl my age are single.) So the odds of ANY man being single are "with the house". It is not disrespectful to ask for a copy of his certified divorce decree, or his paycheck (possibly with his earnings blacked out) showing child support being garnished from his wages.

Finally, when in doubt girlfriend, in my experience, yes, he is married...and a liar...and therefore not a real Dom.

An aside to Emerald..dear..the thread poster already knew she had a problem. Yes, you put in better terms than she did, but what she sought from U/us was HELP. i cannot see where dismissing her as a ninny was especially helpful. If you believe that none of these problems could ever occur in your life; that you have some sort of shield that the rest of us do not have; you are somewhat blinded to the risks by your hubrus.

pinkpleasures

How in the world did you get that from Emerald/s post??????

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 15

RE: i need advice plz - 8/2/2005 2:43:06 PM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

quote:

An aside to Emerald..dear..the thread poster already knew she had a problem. Yes, you put in better terms than she did, but what she sought from U/us was HELP. i cannot see where dismissing her as a ninny was especially helpful. If you believe that none of these problems could ever occur in your life; that you have some sort of shield that the rest of us do not have; you are somewhat blinded to the risks by your hubrus.

Emerald; i am sorry. i cannot explain what i was thinking. This was an awful thing to say and it makes no sense at all.

pinkpleasures

_____________________________

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 16

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