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How do i submit to ownership? - 2/11/2004 5:15:35 PM   
coffeetable


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/11/2004
Status: offline 		i am totally new to all of this. i am real cute, a burly big guy that wants to be totally owned and used. how do you get started in this?

if only i were kept locked up in a cage or tool shed all day or night, forced to give up my paycheck and used as a human carpet or coffee table....
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RE: How do i submit to ownership? - 2/11/2004 5:27:10 PM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		▇▆▅▄▃▇▆▅▄▃[THE]•[SLAVES]•[BELLY]▃▅▆▇█▃▅▆▇█•LEARN•BDSM•GOR
CLICK THIS LINK AND IT LEADS TO A GROUP THAT HAS TRAINING CLASSES ON THE BASICS FOR THOSE WHOM ARE NEW TO ALTERNATE LIFESTYLES AND NEED TO LEARN S.S.C.F.
http://groups.msn.com/Gor-/chat.msnw

(in reply to coffeetable)
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RE: How do i submit to ownership? - 2/12/2004 10:34:22 PM   
belongtoyou


Posts: 168
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline 		Coffeetable,

the link to steel-door.com was also extremely helpful to me- thanks to Mistress Dread for including the link in her replies.

Rain

(in reply to MistressDREAD)
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RE: How do i submit to ownership? - 2/13/2004 7:33:52 AM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Your most welcome belongtoyou!

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RE: How do i submit to ownership? - 2/15/2004 8:46:17 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I just love that name coffeetable..hehe.

Anyway I have a question for you. How do you know this is truly what you want? Have you experienced anything even remotely like this yet?

I only ask this because I come across many male subs all the time who tell me the same thing. Most really don't want it in the end. Just curious if you've delved into it or not yet?

Gloria

(in reply to coffeetable)
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RE: How do i submit to ownership? - 2/20/2004 4:40:08 PM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		coffetable,

Run while you have the chance!!!

Seriously, Dominant women out number sub men by something like ten to one. You start out with the odds against you.

If you are new I'd recommend getting a pro. I'm serious. The only way to know you like it is to try a smorgasbord. I don't doubt you think you'd like to be kept in a shed and used as a coffetable, but reality is often different than fantasy. Tell the woman you are not sure if this is for you but you can't stop thinking about it, etc. and no hard feelings if this just isn't for me.

No, she will not have sex with you. Don't ask. Besides that isn't what you want anyway. She'll whip you, put you in a ball parachute, etc. and if you tell her of your coffee table fantasy she use you as a coffee table as she reads a magazine or something.

Then you can decide.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

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RE: How do i submit to ownership? - 2/21/2004 7:00:47 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu


Seriously, Dominant women out number sub men by something like ten to one. You start out with the odds against you.




Did you mean that dominant women are outnumbered by submissive men??? Meaning there are perhaps 10 subs to each dominant woman? Because if you meant there are 10 dominant women to each sub I would have to disagree, strongly.

The suggestion to see a pro is a pretty good one, actually. If he manages to see a good pro.

He can also go to munches, demos, workshops and the like. Not looking for a domme so much as looking to network with other like minded people. Once you're "known" you will find that you will begin to get invitations to parties and the like. That's also a good base to start when dealing with the lifestyle segment.

Most of all, go slow. Don't be in a hurry to make promises that FEEL like you will love, but without the experience to KNOW you will love it may be difficult to live up to.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to iwillserveu)
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RE: How do i submit to ownership? - 2/26/2004 4:45:41 AM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Yes, MizSuz, I got it backwards. (or "backwards it got I.")

Thanks for noticing. And thanks for the correction.

The problem with munches and what not is they probably won't work for him yet. If he is unsure of what he wants then I'd reccomend he find out before networking and finding a kind dominant (Domina? Fem Dom? Domme?) who might halfway through a scene have him say, "Sorry, i only thought i wanted this. Where are the keys?"

Sorry i can't spell check right now. Sorry for the typoes.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to MizSuz)
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RE: How do i submit to ownership? - 2/26/2004 6:19:32 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu

Yes, MizSuz, I got it backwards. (or "backwards it got I.")

Thanks for noticing. And thanks for the correction.



My pleasure. I thought that might be what you meant.

quote:



The problem with munches and what not is they probably won't work for him yet. If he is unsure of what he wants then I'd reccomend he find out before networking and finding a kind dominant (Domina? Fem Dom? Domme?) who might halfway through a scene have him say, "Sorry, i only thought i wanted this. Where are the keys?"


I agree with the spirit of what I think you are saying. One sure fire way to get in too deep is to get a little bit of terminology, a lot of fantasy, and mix it with too much too fast. I've met many who were so new that there was no real way for them to know WHAT they wanted and needed because they had not yet had the opportunity to do the soul searching that is required of a CLEAR statement of limits and preferences. How do you know you do or don't like/want it if you've never tried it, right?

I don't agree that he's too new to get anything of value from a munch. In fact, in my experience munches are an ideal way to get limited exposure without risk, or at least with minimized and controlled risk, even for the novice. They are in a public place, generally they are vanilla in appearance and don't have the protocol constraints that you might find at a club or private party. The best way to handle this is to go in with a very clear statement "I'm new, I'm curious and I haven't a fucking clue." Then allow yourself to gravitate to people who don't feel the need to jump on you like you're the freshest meat on the block. They'll be easy to spot. They won't touch you, they won't try to play with you, they won't act lasciviously with you, they won't try to dominate you. They will treat you like the human being that you are. My advice would be to stear clear of anyone who can't or won't do that.

The other option is to find a reputable pro, explain that you are a first timer and ask for the 'newbie toybox tour.' If you've found a GOOD pro she will speak to you at great length about your thoughts, feelings, fantasies and things you have a total aversion to. She will ask you about your health, about your belief systems, especially sexually, and she will take you slowly and usually more sensually than sadistically. She'll ask you if you are ok a lot (possibly more than you want to hear) and she'll encourage you to talk to her about your experience when she's done (not just immediately after but also in a few days when you've had time to absorb it). That will make the next session better still.

I don't recommend playing with ANYONE, pro or otherwise, who wouldn't do this for a novice. But munches aren't about play, they are about meeting people.

As always, play is NEVER a requirement. If it is, find another group.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to iwillserveu)
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RE: How do i submit to ownership? - 9/21/2008 3:58:41 PM   
madameshadow


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/21/2008
Status: offline 		I def recommend to see a pro.// have to be carefull thought is not many real pro out there.Whats piss me off is what is happent to this industry of bdsm!!Unskilled prostitues try to pretend to be a pro dom to make more money. I am really angry about this!! Ruinning the reputation we proper pro dommes has been work on for years.  very angry!!
cHOOSE A WELL EQUIPPED DUNGEON OWNER and an outstanding website and study the about page carefully. i can suggest a few proper mistress for you if you need.

(in reply to coffeetable)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How do i submit to ownership? - 9/21/2008 4:55:09 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		This post screams "fantasy land" to me. And if all you want is to do some lil fantasy you have then yeah, go pay someone.

If you're actually serious, though, I'd suggest starting off slow. Talk to people on line who are into BDSM. Go to local munches. Visit BDSM clubs/events/whatever. Explore. And then if you find a woman you like, take things step by step until she wants to do your fantasy because SHE wants to do it.

But that way takes time and effort...if you want to get your rocks off, then go pay someone.

(in reply to madameshadow)
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RE: How do i submit to ownership? - 9/21/2008 5:24:30 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline
quote:

finding a kind dominant (Domina? Fem Dom? Domme?) who might halfway through a scene have him say, "Sorry, i only thought i wanted this. Where are the keys?"


I have a dear friend who is a pro-Domme She has a story of meeting with a new client for the first (and last) scene. They had met once and talked about what he wanted. He got to her dungeon, she had him strip, tied him up to a St. Andrews cross, and picked up a crop - and he safeworded. Loudly and vigorously, as if terrified. Before taking him down, she put down the toy, walked over to him, petted him, said, 'It's okay. are you okay? tell me what's going on?' and he would only should repeatedly, 'I need to get down!' So she took him down, and - he ran immediately out her door, without stopping to talk to her, or collect his clothing! She said she was on the porch, holding his clothing, watching him drive away, shouting, 'Wait! We can talk about this!' LOL
People constantly trash the web as for BDSM experience, as producing only wankers with no idea of real life. But, I think that only happens to those that stay there too long, without moving forward - sort of a protracted childhood. The web is a great, safe play pen. Do a lot of web research, but hang out on some boards and things, ect. I did for a year before I moved forward, including even cyber and phone sex. I never went for the 'cyber collar' - i knew i was just playing, but i was getting some idea what i liked. Then i reached out and met local people, online, and when i went to a munch, i knew a few people. i think it a good, safe curriculum plan.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to iwillserveu)
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RE: How do i submit to ownership? - 9/21/2008 5:31:13 PM   
LadyLupineNYC


Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		Wow! classic..and I thought I had some good stories! 

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."


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RE: How do i submit to ownership? - 9/21/2008 5:55:52 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: coffeetable

i am totally new to all of this. i am real cute, a burly big guy that wants to be totally owned and used. how do you get started in this?

if only i were kept locked up in a cage or tool shed all day or night, forced to give up my paycheck and used as a human carpet or coffee table....


We've been looking for a third, male or female for a couple years now.  We often get males writing to us with the same desires you have.  We never consider them.  Why?  Because it's just too much WORK for us.  We have to cook for you, clean up after you, remember to chain you up, remember to unchain you so you can earn that pay check you want to give us, while you are chained we can't go out to the store because something might go wrong (a fire perhaps), we have to have a monitor system in place so we can check up on you constantly to ensure you are safe, after a few days in the shed you're gonna stink something awful, and.... what happens if we want you to do something for US, such as clean the house, cook a meal, mow the lawn??   We don't need a coffee table that sits there and does nothing except hold a drink.  We don't need to try to balance while walking on a lumpy human rug..heck, we might break our necks doing that.  We do need someone to help us, not be a burden to us....and that's the problem with your fantasy....it's a hell of a lot of work and inconvenience for your owners.

(in reply to coffeetable)
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RE: How do i submit to ownership? - 9/21/2008 7:55:39 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: coffeetable

i am totally new to all of this. i am real cute, a burly big guy that wants to be totally owned and used. how do you get started in this?

if only i were kept locked up in a cage or tool shed all day or night, forced to give up my paycheck and used as a human carpet or coffee table....


Online can be one way to start but honestly you need information and education to give yourself the best possible odds at finding good partners.

So first: READ. Not only online please but books and articles written by folks who've been doing BDSM for some time. I can give you some suggestions or you can find them I'm sure if you do searches for threads about books.

Second: Get out into the world. Find local and regional munches, support groups, educational group, etc. It will be scary but frankly I can't fathom how this is more scary than meeting a stranger online and meeting up to scene or ideas that you become owned after chatting with someone a few times.

Third: Get experience in almost anyway you can. The more experience you have (volunteering at said above local and regional events is great for this) not only helps you figure out what you want and need but also gets you know.

Fourth: Examine your fantasies to see what is probably, desirable, and feasible. As you look at them you can uncover the core interests and needs you have inside. It is doubtful these are what you picture when you jack off to a scenario. It will likely be far less complex and far more intense than any of those.

Finally: Stay grounded in your here and now but plan for the future. How good is your health, your finances, are you done with your education, do you have a steady and stable life but one with time so you can do all this exploring and learning? Be wary of anyone claiming they want to sweep you away and lock you in a cage -- that isn't reality and could be a huge red flag you are dealing with either a wacko or a con artist and I'd place money on the scam myself.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to coffeetable)
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RE: How do i submit to ownership? - 9/21/2008 8:06:06 PM   
SassyBird


Posts: 48
Joined: 8/16/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

quote:

ORIGINAL: coffeetable

i am totally new to all of this. i am real cute, a burly big guy that wants to be totally owned and used. how do you get started in this?

if only i were kept locked up in a cage or tool shed all day or night, forced to give up my paycheck and used as a human carpet or coffee table....


Because it's just too much WORK for us.  We have to cook for you, clean up after you, remember to chain you up, remember to unchain you so you can earn that pay check you want to give us,


I dont think working for that paycheck actually takes place in fantasyland peppermint....

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RE: How do i submit to ownership? - 9/21/2008 8:31:26 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

I dont think working for that paycheck actually takes place in fantasyland peppermint....


Heck, SassyBird...that was the only part of his fantasy that wouldn't be a ton of work for me. 

(in reply to SassyBird)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How do i submit to ownership? - 9/22/2008 9:46:10 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm almost disappointed to tell you this, but ownership is a far different thing than some fantasy world of being chained up naked, only being taken out to be used at the Owner's discretion. 

Believe it or not, an Owner knows the difference.  There is a great responsibility in being an Owner, and part of that responsibility is ensuring that our charges don't take a permanent vacation into fantasy land.  The majority of people that I know still have lives and careers to maintain.  It's so much more than the superficial act of chaining someone up and using them.  It's how to balance that submission around life and all it's needed efforts.

That, My friend, is how you get started.  You realize that your whims and desires are also countered with everyday life.  Sure, I'll bet for you, it would be a real thrill to be chained up and just taken out to be used, but what happens with your potential Owner?  Are they still out there, working a nine to five?  Has all of the responsibilities fallen on them to keep the electric bill paid to zap you with or bought the food for you to serve them at the table?  Where is your contribution to this based in reality?  What you purpose, I'm afraid, is nothing more than escapism.  It has little to do with living this life.

Take a step back.  Understand that none of us who are doing this in our lives are using it as a replacement to escape the restrictions of the real world.  The hope is to find balance with it.  We might be different, but we have the same obligations.

I wish you well in your journey.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to coffeetable)
Profile   Post #: 18
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