to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (Full Version)

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Perplex -> to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 11:03:07 AM)

First rule:  This Life is NOT the dating scene, your one size all approch won't work, and pretending to be something you are not will work even less.

Second Rule: If you think "subs" are somehow easier than vanilla girls/boys, get over it now, you will be doing 5x the work to maintain the relationship, seuxal and otherwise, than you would in anything off the rack unless you hit on the perfect fit *see rule three below*

Third Rule: There is somebody for everybody, keep looking until you find your match, don't settle on close enough, and if that means knocking on a thousand doors buy gloves, you'll be lookign awhile. 

Understand some stuff.  a submissive woman is one who has looked into her own sexuality and come up with the answer (and the balls) to come unto a site like this from her vanilla upbringing, has dared put out a profile and has already started exploring what is she is lookign for.  that takes a lot of brass if you think about it.

I am going to speak on submissive women, since my understanding of submissive men is limited...and this only a broad generalization, and like anytime you say 'always and never', there are more exceptions than perfect examples....so your milage may vary.

so you come in expecting the women to fall to thier knees in worship cuz you're calling yourself a dom right?...that's how the math works..right?  No Jethro it don't.  Women who have come this far exploring thier own sexual truths are by and large more self involved and more plain brown wrapper selfish and feel more *empowered* than the women you'll find on the street, why? cuz they have taken some sembalance of control of thier own lives...and are not going to bow down to the first swinging dick who claims he can do anything.  LIke always your ability to do best be better than your ability to talk about it first.  If you say you can use a quirt to take a cigarette out of her mouth, you best never hit her nose by mistake....if you say you can give her a screaming orgasm, the neigbors better damned well have called the cops to complain about the noise, cuz you arent' going to get a 2nd shot. 

so you keep sending out notes, and keep getting ignored, when the right one comes around you'll know it, and more important she'll know it, then you have that runnign shot at her falling to her knees. Ya don't need to get ugly to em, or ptu forth your expectation of what you believe a sub should be and if they don't live up to that they are somehow a failure.  It won't work, you can't bully women who call themselves subs, cuz in the end until you establish your power with them as a man, they still have the power of the pussy and will always walk away from someone who doesn't seem to fit thier needs. 




havingfaith -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 11:06:52 AM)

[;)] nice advice




soultoshare -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 11:12:06 AM)

AMEN!!!!!!!!!




Sexynmentalinkc -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 11:26:02 AM)

Excellent comments, indeed.

If I can add:

- Pay attention to their needs, feedback and 'vision'

- Learn that you have to earn their respect before you can 'disrespect' them (cause they will know that you cherish them, protect them and admire the strength it takes to do what they do and be who they are...).

- Negative behavior reinforced is learned behavior (the true is same, in reverse, for positive behavior).

- You're not 'unlucky', per se. Consider the possibility that you, in your own vision of what 'Domliness' means, are wrong and that you need to change not just your thinking but your behavior as well.

- Put yourself in their shoes and think (and act) in a manner that displays that you DO, in fact, pay attention to what women needs, desire and what they have to deal with in all the sophomoric, dumbass trogolodite men out there in the world.


"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." ~ Aristotle


*tips his hat*

- Mr. S




BondageTopJere -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 11:49:14 AM)

Most importantly.... RTFP!!!! (Read the F(*#*% Profile!!). And if they have a journal, read ALL of that too. All the above advice doesn't do you a whole lot of good if you don't that simple first step.  I'm guilty of not doing it myself several times when I first joined CM, and I learned the hard way   [:D].




BondageTopJere -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 11:56:58 AM)

Oh yes one more thing.  Your profile is all that any sub can see of you at first, it all she has to go on when it comes to even talking to you in the first place.  A profile, however is much like any written work.  Your first draft needs to be polished, proofread, edited etc.   My own profiles been comepletely erased and redone a few times, and edited several more, because either I changed or realizd something about myself that is different, or i came up with a better way of describing myself.




toservez -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 11:57:04 AM)

Brilliantly written!

Some other things:

-Submissives are fully formed human beings. We have the usual strengths and weaknesses, the normal needs and desires of a human being mostly in the same proportion as everyone else. Being submissive does not make our only need pleasing our dominant!

-We are attracted to leaders not followers. Give me a dominant who can write passionately about themselves and what they like and want as opposed to writing about others and how they are better then them or writing me and going done my profile agreeing and saying you can do that.

-When writing a personal message read and understand what she is writing! Do not just take one sentence and refer to that and consider yourself a great writer. If the woman has three paragraphs on trust out of the five she wrote, you probably should address that issue in your message.

-Put the time and effort into people you truly think are sincere and compatible and avoid others. Save up your frustration allowance by writing every single person on the site.





iammachine -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 2:39:58 PM)

quote:

cuz they have taken some sembalance of control of thier own lives...and are not going to bow down to the first swinging dick who claims he can do anything. LIke always your ability to do best be better than your ability to talk about it first.


quote:

Ya don't need to get ugly to em, or ptu forth your expectation of what you believe a sub should be and if they don't live up to that they are somehow a failure.  It won't work, you can't bully women who call themselves subs, cuz in the end until you establish your power with them as a man, they still have the power of the pussy and will always walk away from someone who doesn't seem to fit thier needs. 


QFT

You're my hero.




NamelessOne -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 2:52:27 PM)

forgive my ignorance...but what does QFT stand for?




bandit25 -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 2:55:18 PM)

Bravo!  I think I'm in love.




goalie62 -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 2:58:58 PM)

This is a wonderful post.  As I learn and grow in this lifestyle, I find more and more on these boards that I think I should make posters on my walls.

Toservez, would you mind reading my profile and giving me a private critique?  I think it's prety good and pretty honest, but I would love your insight.  Thank You in advance.




subtee -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 2:59:10 PM)

quote:

trogolodite


Oh my god that is so hot that you've used that word...oh and the rest is really good too.

(I dig the words of Doms, which is, I believe what much of this advice is, uh, advising.)




sambamanslilgirl -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 3:00:40 PM)

*thousand applause for this post* 




Sexynmentalinkc -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 3:02:02 PM)

subtee,

You're quite welcome.

It's always a good sign when vocabulary can make one hot 'n squirmy.


*tips his hat, winking*

- Mr. S




MzMia -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 3:09:31 PM)

Wonderful post, most of what you have written holds true for
submissive males also!




subtee -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 3:30:42 PM)

quote:

It's always a good sign when vocabulary can make one hot 'n squirmy.


Mr. S; um, and pervy...I peeked!

(Now I'll go over to the "Who's viewing you and what do you do about it thread")




Sexynmentalinkc -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 3:35:57 PM)

Peek n' perv away, sweets!


*hops over to the other thread to see what happens*...

- Mr. S




SirCache -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 4:48:25 PM)

Rule #2 should be gold embossed and placed above every doorway, and made into a flash banner for people logging into the site for the first time.




ehlovindom -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 5:04:43 PM)

The problem is you are preaching to the converted. Those guys who should read you post won't.




goalie62 -> RE: to new and "unlucky" doms, hang in there. (9/24/2007 5:36:37 PM)

Not necessarily, I freely admit to being new to the lifestyle, this post was very educational for me and I'm glad it was posted, I definitely feel I needed to read it.




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