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RE: Wanting a break? - 9/25/2007 12:13:26 AM

LivingInSin

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I tried going back to "vanilla" for a while. Theres a saying about absence makes the heart grow fonder.....boy did it. I am so not leaving again! If you feel you need some down time, take it. This lifestyle is like anything else that you really love. Too much of it (for you) will leave you hating it. You know, like you eat a pack of oreos becuase they are your favorite? And now you can't stand to even look at the package!

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RE: Wanting a break? - 9/25/2007 1:13:51 AM

girlygurl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pussinbootz

Hiya

Just wondered if anyone felt they wanted a break from bdsm and go back to vanilla for a while?

I love the way MM and I play.. but at the moment my life is very stressful (work and money) and I am feeling the need to be nurtured more than anything... part of this is wanting really good vanilla love making rather than being hurt or submissive...

Has anyone else felt this way?

cheers

Puss

My Sir knows when I need a little "nilla time". We cuddle, talk, or He just lets me love Him (no play involved). It's a funny thing... but He always seems to know. Besides that, no, taking a break from Him would actually break my heart! Months ago it was brought up, but the thought of it made me really sad! Balance... it's all about the balance. Thank goodness He's able to find balance for both of us, cause I struggle with it daily.

Good luck!

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RE: Wanting a break? - 9/25/2007 2:37:54 AM

heartfeltsub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx

You mean you don't have vanilla sex with your Dom? You mean your Dom doesn't care about your personal life and feelings enough to nurture you? You are in bdsm mode every time you are in the same room? Hmmm.

i take it that this is what you mean when you say D/s mode that none of these things occur for you or between your Dom and you. Although i can't speak for the others who have answered who said no, my answer also would have been no, i don't take a break, but all of these things occur as a normal part of the D/s relationship. There is time for cuddling and W/we talk about our personal lives and feelings, the authority exchange dynamic is still there. It just doesn't go away because W/we may be talking about what you seem to be describing as vanilla things. To U/us they are life things and therefore are part of O/our lives, just like the power or authority dynamic is part of O/our lives.

So while you hmmmed at the thought that breaks aren't taken for those things, i might have hmmmed at the thought that those things weren't part of the dynamic already and that a break was needed to add them.

heartfelt

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RE: Wanting a break? - 9/25/2007 3:04:11 AM

Celeste43

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Being in a d/s relationship should not mean that you will never have your needs met. If it does, then you need to talk about things stat. If he is concerned for you, then he should be willing to give you what you need including nurturing and lovemaking.

If the only one who gets his needs met is him, then you need to improve your relationship parameters for the future.

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RE: Wanting a break? - 9/25/2007 6:58:04 AM

michelleryder

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No never I love things the way they are.

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RE: Wanting a break? - 9/25/2007 7:10:26 AM

MissHarlet

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From: El Paso , TX US
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Sounds as if you are not being nurtured in the relationship .. but have you tried talking to your Master and explaining you need some downtime?... Most of us understand that submissives need some private time and space .. and believe it or not so do most of us.

Always communicate needs .. too many relationships are sabatoged by lack of communication.

Good luck!!

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RE: Wanting a break? - 9/25/2007 10:08:53 AM

pussinbootz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx

You mean you don't have vanilla sex with your Dom?

Not as a rule.. we don't do anything heavy in the first place but there is always a bit of it there...

quote:

You mean your Dom doesn't care about your personal life and feelings enough to nurture you?

Where did I say that? I meant that I want the lovemaking to be nurturing.

quote:

You are in bdsm mode every time you are in the same room?

Nope.. we're bedroom only... but yes our sex generally has some form of D/s or s/m slant to it.

>>> to everyone.

Thanks for all your replies, they have given me a lot to think about.

When I said "take a break" I meant taking a break from kinky sex. I forget that other people live different lifestyles, forgive me. I would never want to take a break from MM, now that I've found him I don't ever plan to walk away.

To be honest, I think both of our lives have been too hectic for sex, so we often don't have the energy to do anything serious, so it's got a bit formulaic.

After posting my message I had another think and this is what I think the problem is .. we're both so tired with our new jobs (we both started new jobs at the same time, 2 days after he moved up from London to live with me) that when we have had sex it's been the same thing every time... so I think I'm actually bored.

I'm also not communicating very well with him.. he's mostly only doing what he thinks I love, in the most part he is a service top who's slowly finding his inner Dominant.. I need to talk to him about it.

BUT... I also have found over the last week or so that when he has hurt me, something I like, I have just felt unable to process it in the way I used to. I can't reach sub-space for some reason and I think that is not helping... although, unlike other times when I have been stressed, I don't crave sub-space.. just like I don't feel like going out having a drink and dancing... the two ways I sometimes escape from stress.

I think there are a number of things going on here.. I need to talk to him and I also need to deal with my stress a bit better.

I have decided to talk to him tonight about it, something I find quite difficult due to past experiences with different guys. He is the most caring and loving guy I have ever known.. I have to trust that it will be ok for me to speak up.

Thanks again

Puss

< Message edited by pussinbootz -- 9/25/2007 10:19:00 AM >

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RE: Wanting a break? - 9/25/2007 11:38:59 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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You're doing great- self exploring, inner looking and changing behavior patterns to get new results and avoid repeating past mistakes.

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