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help on becoming a good Dom - 9/24/2007 5:05:18 PM

duckie88

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Joined: 8/30/2007
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I was wondering if anyone had some tips on becoming a good Dom. My ''Teacher" wants me to learn how to Dom before He takes me to see His slave. I would greatly appriciate any help, as I have very little experience with bdsm.

thank you! ~Amanda

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RE: help on becoming a good Dom - 9/24/2007 5:38:58 PM

efficaceous

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/31/2006
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Hi amanda,
Could you clarify a few issues first?
1. What orientation is your "teacher"? Or rather, what is the nature of that interaction?
2. Why is he taking you to see his slave, and what parting of seeing his slave entails you being a Dom?
3. Are you looking for tips to dom-like behavior? Do you realize that being a Dom is an entire lifetime personality, you can't simply memorize a few tricks and fake it?

The request you have written comes across as dismissive of Dom/Master/Mistress 's, suggesting that one could learn to be a good Dom easily and from strangers online. I am sure that is not what you meant, so please clarify so we may assist you.

(in reply to duckie88)

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RE: help on becoming a good Dom - 9/25/2007 8:36:54 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: duckie88

I was wondering if anyone had some tips on becoming a good Dom. My ''Teacher" wants me to learn how to Dom before He takes me to see His slave. I would greatly appriciate any help, as I have very little experience with bdsm.

thank you! ~Amanda

I'm sorry but if someone is your "teacher" or "mentor" that is part of his responsibility -- to guide you not simply to say "go learn this."

If he can't do this, I'd frankly find other mentors to learn from.

Also if you have the money you might want to start reading some of the many many books on BDSM. If you are a member of an organization they may have a lending library, use it. If you aren't try to find several groups or munches.

The first few years of learning to be a top or to feel empowered enough to become a dominant will be full of trial and error. You should get a lot of experience and learn from a lot of people regardless of their role or orientation.

Here's me getting very opinionated.

If you building up your dominant abilities versus top skills remember that you are the center of what drives you. You need to be motivated by what you want and need first and foremost. Learn what works for you, learn what feel natural, and learn what your limits are. Figure out what is necessary, what is frosting on the cake, what you feel neutral about, and what will ruin your feelings of power and authority. Compromise on the frosting stuff and the neutral stuff -- never compromise on the other two categories. Learn to say "YES" to yourself and to say "NO" to others, this can be a difficult step for some people depending on how they were raised. Reflect on what works for you and resist being pressured into doing more or doing things when it really does not feel empowering to you -- life does this enough you don't need to rehash it when you are the dominant.

Remember you are only human. Also remember that our sub be it for an hour, a weekend, a year or a lifetime is only human too. Between the two of you, if you are in a dom/sub dynamic, you are each responsible for maintaining that dynamic and you must both be ultimately responsible for motivating yourselves to support it but you also need to aid each other.

(ultra highly opinionated section ended)

Everyone here has a different path, duckie88, to become a top or a dominant so you'll get a lot of different views and ideas.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to duckie88)

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