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LadyAngelika -> RE: What is a sadist? (7/22/2005 4:43:06 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stormsfate
From a few posts made recently, I have to wonder if somehow the word "sadist" has been used within the BDSM lifestyle in regard to that "dream master" everyone seeks, so often that we no longer know the real definition of the word. The Marquis de Sade (from whence the word sadist derived, as you all know I'm sure) was not a nice guy. A sadist may or may not be a nice guy (or gal).
Great question fate. One I can relate to very much and one I've asked myself many times.
First of all, I think there is a difference between a sadist and a sadist within the realms of WIITWD. Just like the Marquis wasn’t particularly SSC, neither was the way slaves were acquired and treated in his era. So within the realms of having fun (because face it people, if you weren’t having fun as a top or a bottom, you wouldn’t be doing this) we have used terms like slave and sadist and taken them out of their “abusive” historical contexts and appropriated them for our kink. So how sadistic can someone be while still respecting limits is just as tricky a question as how much of a slave can one be while still having limits. What we have to first acknowledge is our appropriation of these terms into WIITWD as a kink to which we have added a certain amount of rules.
So now, the question begs, how far from or close to the original model are we? Just as there are debates about a true slave being one who strives to resemble as much as possible the historical slave, is a true sadist one who has absolute disregard for others consent? As M said, this would definitely consist of a sociopath.
I do consider myself to be, among other things, a sadist. I also do consider myself to be generally a nice person. I do care about people and I don’t like seeing them being harmed or suffering from what I call “bad hurt”. I’m not even a particularly vindictive person; I tend to live by the principle of bygones with people I care about and figure karma will get the ones I don’t. So how on earth can I be a sadist, right? Because I get psychological, emotional, physical and sexual gratification on inflicting pain on others and getting a positive reaction from it. But understand that what separates me from sociopaths is that in my sadistic practices, I actually care if that person wants to be there or not. I do take pleasure in pushing limits or exposing someone to it for the first time. I tend to be pretty relentless and I don’t back off from a whine of discomfort or a plea to stop, but rather revel in it. I get off on seeing tortured faces and tears flow. But I also get off on kissing their lips and their hurt away after.
If I never found a willing masochist, would my sadistic desires go away? No. When I fantasize or write about such things, are my victims always willing? Absolutely not. In fact, on a fantasy level, my victims are never consenting. Would I do this in real life… well lets say I play with this a little. I have been known to meet a man and at times a woman, lure him/her to my lair and slowly introduce him/her some of this. If I sense they are curious and want to know more, I go with it and see what I can get away with. I’ll be honest and say I’ve gotten very few negative reactions, and when I’ve felt resistance, I’ve backed off and still enjoyed my time with the person. When I’ve gotten positive reactions, I often get praise afterwards for introducing them to something they had never tried before.
I have this theory that sometimes WIITWD is a relatively safe way for us to engage in these acts in a consensual way so that we might get our kicks and feed our dark desires without having to resort to finding victims and becoming a sociopath. Perhaps it’s a way to satiate the beast within to keep it under control. And afterwards, I believe that it permits us to become a much more balanced person. The fact that I have an outlet where I can torture someone consensually makes it that I don’t go around like a vindictive, evil, manipulative bitch in everyday affairs. The frustration is alleviated.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Marquis de Sade, from The 120 Days of Sodom
"There is a kind of pleasure which comes from sacrilege or the profanation of the objects offered us for worship. . . One must do violence to the object of one's desire; when it surrenders, the pleasure is greater. . . Crime is the soul of lust. What would pleasure be if it were not accompanied by crime? It is not the object of debauchery that excites us, rather the idea of evil."
- LA
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