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For all the naughty girls............... - 9/25/2007 4:53:12 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
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I've begun reading what might just become my new bible (not that i read the original one). Its called 'the naughty girl's guide to life' by Tara palmer - tomkinson and i'm really liking it. For those of you not familiar with Tara, she is an 'it' girl meaning she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and is famous for not much more than that. However she is pretty cool and her books quite funny!!
Being an unselfish sort of person i thought i'd save all the 'naughty girls' here the price of the book and pass on some pearls of wisdom. Where should i start lol....................?
Oh it has to be the naughty girls guide to ..............being dumped!!

Three signs you've already been dumped
1. Texting him rude messages to which he replies with a message about his mother.
2. Does he say the scratches on his back are from his friends cat, a 5ft one with blonde hair?
3. Giveaway - has it been weeks since you heard from him?

Crap dumping lines and what to say back
1. It's not you it's me.
You got that right.
2. I'm not good enough for you.
You got that right.
3. I need some space.
Offer to book him an astronauts course.
4. The timing just isnt right.
Yes, well you'd noticed in bed that something was wrong with his timing. (my fave )
5. I only agreed to the wedding for the pressies.
I only agreed for the frock.
6. I'm gay.
No you can't have the frock.

And finally a little prayer -
Grant me the serenity to accept the jerk has gone for good,
Courage to embrace my facial hair (because it will in times of trauma sprout through),
And the wisdom to know that buying ten pairs of shoes and sinking a large vodka really is a valid solution.*

*taken from the naughty girls guide to life.

< Message edited by missturbation -- 9/25/2007 4:54:26 AM >

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

Post #: 1

RE: For all the naughty girls............... - 9/25/2007 5:19:44 AM

divi

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lol Miss T, another great post

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 2

RE: For all the naughty girls............... - 9/25/2007 5:26:19 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Why thankyou
I'm sure i will spew more pearls of wisdom *ahem* in this thread as i read the book !

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to divi)

Post #: 3

RE: For all the naughty girls............... - 9/25/2007 5:49:11 AM

divi

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Joined: 9/4/2007
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please do !!! I love them. Bring back the ones for you being loaned out.. I find that incredibly hot. look at me making requests lol

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 4

RE: For all the naughty girls............... - 9/25/2007 5:50:58 AM

favesclava

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Joined: 2/15/2007
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"no you cant have the frock" love that.
after 10 years and 2 kids my ex left me for another. then he wanted the diamond ring he gave me 4 years before . HA! loser.
will look for more thanks for the morning laugh

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 5

RE: For all the naughty girls............... - 9/25/2007 5:55:09 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: divi

please do !!! I love them. Bring back the ones for you being loaned out.. I find that incredibly hot. look at me making requests lol

Pearls of wisdom for being loaned out
I'll work on that, don't think the book covers it

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to divi)

Post #: 6

RE: For all the naughty girls............... - 9/25/2007 5:57:11 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: favesclava

"no you cant have the frock" love that.
after 10 years and 2 kids my ex left me for another. then he wanted the diamond ring he gave me 4 years before . HA! loser.
will look for more thanks for the morning laugh

I've never given anything back, i have quite a collection of play collars, shoes, boots, clothes, engagement rings .......................

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to favesclava)

Post #: 7

RE: For all the naughty girls............... - 9/25/2007 6:50:49 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

*Random pearl of wisdom*

Peeing stings when you have had a razor slip

Wisdom - instead of dancing around to cream by prince concentrate on where that razor is

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 8

RE: For all the naughty girls............... - 9/25/2007 12:03:06 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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yes.....Cream is for AFTER you've finished shaving and want to enjoy the new smooth you.....

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 9

RE: For all the naughty girls............... - 9/25/2007 12:03:49 PM

HotFaerieMama

Posts: 2617
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

*takes notes*

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 10

RE: For all the naughty girls............... - 9/26/2007 8:34:38 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

yes.....Cream is for AFTER you've finished shaving and want to enjoy the new smooth you.....

hee hee you are so right

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 11

RE: For all the naughty girls............... - 9/26/2007 8:41:23 PM

onlyHisgirl

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Joined: 6/13/2007
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Wow...lol, thanks for the wisdom!

_____________________________

When i am Owned: i am His girl only...only His girl

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 12

RE: For all the naughty girls............... - 9/26/2007 11:10:30 PM

chellekitty

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Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

replace vodka with chocolate and i am so with you on all of it...

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to onlyHisgirl)

Post #: 13

RE: For all the naughty girls............... - 9/26/2007 11:36:34 PM

laurell3

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Joined: 5/5/2005
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I recently had occasion to use the "it's not you, it's me" line....I wish I hadn't (used the line that is), it does sound foolish, but you say anything to calm down a bad situation I guess.
l

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 14

RE: For all the naughty girls............... - 9/26/2007 11:53:20 PM

divi

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Joined: 9/4/2007
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I like the line... you know what ??? It is you ! short and sweet

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 15

RE: For all the naughty girls............... - 9/28/2007 6:17:31 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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Ok time for an update lol.
Naughty girls guide to sulking (when dumped).

Apparently te accepted time for sulking is ten percent of the time you were with the b*****d who dumped you.
Firstly you need to sulk with the girls, but only the single ones so you can have a good bitch about men, without one saying how wonderful there partner is. How he'd never do some of the things the b*****d did that dumped you.
Sulking alone, watching bad daytime tv wearing gravy and chocolate stained joggers and horrid ill fitting tshirts. No make up, hair brushing, preening at all allowed.
Sulking in public. Not a good plan, too many couples about - Yak!!

Prayer.
Grant me the serenity to accept that singledom does not always suck
Courage to realise the search for mr right may well reach double figures
And the wisdom to know that even if that ex-lover list hits treble figures, you're not a slag. Just unlucky!*

*from the naughty girls guide to life.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to divi)

Post #: 16

RE: For all the naughty girls............... - 9/28/2007 6:37:22 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Naughty girls guide to revenge - yummy!!

Classics like prawns in the curtain hems, suit chopping, grass seeds in his shagpile etc etc.
But my personal fave and im dying to use it lol, writing insults on his lawn in weedkiller!!
I'm loving it! Not that i would ever take revenge on an ex - lover no no no lol. I'd much rather be known as the girl who moved on and is now dating a rafael nadal lookalike than the bunny boiling stalker bitch from hell.
Revenge to me is best kept to fantasy, make a long list of revenge plans with your mates, get drunk, laugh at your list and in the cold light of morning read again, laugh, then burn.
After all there are six billion plus people in the world, one of them has to fancy you lol. Everyone gets dumped, at least your not pregnant and if you are think of all that child support he'll be coughing up
Just remember when one bedroom door closes, another one opens!!*

*ideas nicked from the naughty girls guide to life.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 17

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