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Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 5:43:41 PM   
Nolastingmarks


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		Why do women lie about age and weight?  I just had the most unpleasant experience meeting a woman who claimed to be 45, when, she was 55 if she was a day.  Also, pleasingly plump is not 300 pounds.  I know I sound calous, but, really I am not.  I am very understanding of all people, shape and size aside, yet, I do not want a lover who is 10 years my senior and 100 pounds heavier?  If I did, I would ask for that.

So, I have to ask, why do women over 40 lie so much?  Is it because they are ashamed of their bodies, or ashamed of their weight or age?  These are things that are beyond our control and should be just, treated honestly.  When you lie, it never works out, and always ends in dissapointment.  Imagine if you will, meeting a man 10 years your junior.  He may not say it (I am a gentleman so I would'nt say it), but he will be dissapointed by your lie.  Add 100 pounds to that lie and all you are going to get is the feeling of worthlessness during on that date.  When it ends he will be kind, and wish you well and the next day, you will get an email saying kindly, "we are not compatible." 

The woman I met, actually assailed me saying that my actions (saying goodbye) had taught her just how worthless men are.  I never asked her age, it would have been insulting.  I never told her that she was a liar.  I never asked her how pleasingly plump was 300 pounds for a 5'2" woman.  If I had I am sure she would have hated me ever more...go figure...

I know a lot of women will attack this, asking why do men lie about being married.  Yes some do, not me though, so that particular fault should not be applied to me.  By trying to generalize, put me or any honest man in that category, it just portrays a woman's level of ignorance and hippocritical behaviour.  So again I ask, why do women lie about their age and weight, and then expect a man to be understanding when they meet? 

I do not want to get into a discussion about men and women, cats and dogs, I just want to understand the behavoir that causes women to lie? 

And if you feel women don't just look at some of the profile pictures and ages, and ask yourself if they match.




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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 5:52:02 PM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		What causes anyone to lie?  I dont have the answers you want.  Mark it up to experience and move on to the next one.

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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 5:59:15 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		Insecurity..  Sometimes lying, esp. online, is the only way some people feel that they will ever be "truly wanted".
And the tiniest shred of hope that the lie will be forgiven once the two meet and he (or she) realizes they are made for each other....

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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 6:05:34 PM   
HottLicks


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Joined: 9/21/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nolastingmarks

I know a lot of women will attack this, asking why do men lie about being married.  Yes some do, not me though, so that particular fault should not be applied to me.  By trying to generalize, put me or any honest man in that category, it just portrays a woman's level of ignorance and hippocritical behaviour.  So again I ask, why do women lie about their age and weight, and then expect a man to be understanding when they meet? 

I do not want to get into a discussion about men and women, cats and dogs, I just want to understand the behavoir that causes women to lie? 



Just as you say you are not a man who lies about being married... it wasn't you... there are women who don't lie and your question asking why do women lie should be phrased more as why do some women lie.

I know you are maybe hurt and are surely angry and might be venting, but surely life has taught you that people aren't always as they should be.  Just try to breath and get through the moment and move on.  There will be a next time and the next time... make sure you have asked age and for current pictures.  Then if you meet them and find they have lied, call them on it!  Don't let that hurt and anger build up and direct that hurt and anger toward the woman that actually did the dirty deed.  There are idiots in all sizes and flavors... doesn't mean you have to put up with them like a nice guy.  Being nice has nothing to do with it.  A liar is a liar and you don't have to be nice to a liar.

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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 6:07:00 PM   
HottLicks


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quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

Insecurity..  Sometimes lying, esp. online, is the only way some people feel that they will ever be "truly wanted".
And the tiniest shred of hope that the lie will be forgiven once the two meet and he (or she) realizes they are made for each other....


You hit the nail right on the head with that one!  {shakes head}

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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 6:12:03 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		And if you look at many of the dom's profiles, they say they are 49 and in the narrative, they admit to being 50+.  Of course they also say they don't look it.  Or they have years of experience.  People lie...everyone lies. 

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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 6:17:04 PM   
Nolastingmarks


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		I would tend to agree that insecurity is an important element, but, that is not really getting to the heart of it, nor is being hopeful that somehow it will work out.  In reading profiles here, I find the single thing women say they want is honesty, yet, a large number of those asking for honesty are dishonest.  I do not think they see themselves as dishonest, I think they see themselves as victims, strange as that sounds.  A hippocrit is someone who sees the world's faults as wrong, and their faults as understandable given how the world has treated them.  Women here, especially here, seem to think that it is ok to waste a man's time for, oh, 6 weeks writing knowing full well when a meeting comes, it will be a disaster.  They are stealing time actually, and perhpas even stealing that one chance to find a soulmate.  While I wasted my time with that liar, the woman I really should have met may have wandered by, while I was distracted.  What a sin! 

And oh, I was more than mad.  It has taught me yes, that people lie, and yes "some" women lie, a great proportion, lie to themselves and to others not caring at all the harm they accomplish. 

Still, I have to wonder why?  Why lie?

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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 6:20:21 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline 		I will tell someone my dress size, but never my weight. I don't lie about my weight, I don't have to, because I simply won't tell. It's a woman thing. I will also say that I am "21 with 2 xp" (ie, 23). I plan on saying I am 21 + x until I am 30, mostly for the amusement factor.

Why do people lie about their age or weight? Insecurity, or wanting to be in denial about the reality of their attributes.


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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 6:21:56 PM   
Honsoku


Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		People lie because others tend to run away at the truth and reward the lying. It is a fine example of game theory. Early acceptance is based on the image put forth and anyone can lie about that over the short run.

You and your competitors have two options when courting, lie or tell the truth, and two outcomes: acceptance or rejection. If you and your competitor both tell the truth then only the "best" person wins. On the other hand, if you lie and the other person tells the truth, you will likely win and he will likely lose since the lie makes you look better. If you both lie, then no one has the advantage. Since no one wants to lose, almost everyone lies.

"But once I find out the lie, I will leave anyway!" Even if most people did that, people would still lie because it is much harder for the honest to win against a skilled liar. Winning that initial encounter is crucial. How often have you gone back to someone you had once rejected in favor of someone else? People rarely get a second shot. The second issue is that for minor lies, most people won't leave because either A: they expected the lie, or B: they are psychologically invested now and to leave would invalidate that investment. This is also why people lie for long periods of time, the longer the lie is maintained the greater the investment on the part of the lied to.

Now here is the kicker; because lying is so prevalent, telling the truth becomes even more of a detriment. Since lies are expected to some degree, any truth about faults will be initially assumed to be lies covering up bigger faults. People are assumed to be lying until proven truthful. The end result is that almost everyone lies because almost everyone lies. Telling the truth only works if almost everyone tells the truth and even then everyone can do better by lying.

< Message edited by Honsoku -- 9/25/2007 6:23:31 PM >

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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 6:25:21 PM   
HottLicks


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe they do see themselves as victims... but don't fall into their victimization.  When online you have to consider they could be lying to you, so get on the cam or don't just spend time with one person until you know who you're dealing with.  Combat the bad guys/gals with smarts.

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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 6:25:56 PM   
Satyr6406


Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline 		Ya know, I swear I am going to post a FUNNY profile, on here. I swear it!
 
Something like: "I'm 34 but, I've always looked older. I'm honest unless it's about not hurting someone's feelings ..."

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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 6:27:06 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		how doy ou know she was 50 plus. maybe she really was 40 and is one of the unfortunate ones to look really old.

And if weights an issue for you next time ask, what number does pleasingly plump round out too.

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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 6:28:42 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
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Just be sure to put that handsome mug of yours on it!



 

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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 6:29:46 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Well, one thing that strikes me is: Did you actually see her ID? People are notriously bad judge of age in my experience. I'm going to turn 23 soon and I've had people tell me they thought I was anything from 12-30. I got 30 when I was 19 and I got 12 a few months ago. Not saying that she didn't lie, just saying that she might have not aged well or that you might be misjudging her age.

Obviously there is the weight lie (did she actually tell you her weight?), but I've found that people's defination of "pleasently plumb" varies a lot. By her mind, and perhaps those she talks to, she might not have been lying. Did you see pictures of her beforehand? Because I am on the bigger side, I make sure to send people pictures that show my body type.

Just playing devil's advocate.  Other than that... I don't really know why people lie about these sorts of things. I think part of it is that women in this society aren't really valued once they get "past their prime", which I think is stupid. Sorry you had this experience. Hopefully your next one will be better!

Best wishes,
Aqua

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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 6:30:31 PM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		well, youre so hot i had to lie....i thought once you met me and sensed my desire to please you, it would be ok

ill quit

til the next dude that makes me twitch

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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 6:30:38 PM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		Interesting reference to game theory.  Although Nash never even came close to mapping this game out. 

Yep, lying is its own reward, these days.  A really talented liar is just as attractive to some people as a really talented anything else.  But... you really have to be good at it to look good at it.  This woman was neither good nor looked good at it.  So it doesn't apply.

Simple fact is, she's lonely and desperate.  I really wouldn't be mad at her, it's just that some people lose the lottery... it doesn't make them bad people.

D

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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 6:31:51 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Exactly why you shouldn't wait so long to meet. She probably wasn't lying 10 years ago.

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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 6:35:11 PM   
HottLicks


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline 		lol yeah but... lol When you lose the lottery and people can see it... you might want to be nice about things {honest}... no sense being a loser all the way around.  And playing with people's emotions, isn't nice... so he has a right to be mad in my book.  Maybe shouldn't let it get to him so much... but mad would be okay. lol

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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 6:35:21 PM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Satyr6406

Ya know, I swear I am going to post a FUNNY profile, on here. I swear it!
 
Something like: "I'm 34 but, I've always looked older. I'm honest unless it's about not hurting someone's feelings ..."


I'd do the same thing, but I'd advertise being 18 and REALLY into 80 year old galapagos tortoises.  I wonder if anyone would pretend to be a turtle...

Paradox

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bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

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RE: Oh God, she said she was 40? - 9/25/2007 6:36:59 PM   
blacknbluemale


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		Honsoku,

What an intersting and provocative reply.  Yes, I would agree that truth is a handicap today, yet, you assume the pool in which you are swimming is ordinary.  I, myself, am far from ordinary, and at a glance, I can usually tell is someone is intelectually at my level.  You see in science, there are no lies, and to tell a lie is not a competitive advantage but a game ending fault.  Science is exact, so to is it's description, and I am afraid, I am hopelessly a scientist.  I see no reason to lie, and those who must, are weak, inferior and not worth the time it takes to court  I am happy to give them to the competitor, because they are not at my level.

So while I agree, I dissagree.

I agree that it is about daily lies and deceipt, but I dissagree with you in your premise that it give the competitive advantage.  People usually are truth meters.  Honesty is something we all seem to see well, while dishonesty, even with clever liars, always seems to be discovered.  But for a few Florida scam artists (I can say that because I have a home in Florida too), most of us live honest lives.  Yet woman lie about age and weight and do not, themselves feel it is a "real" lie.  Yet they steal time and life from others when they do, never caring,  Oh they care when a man turns out to be married, yes, then somehow a lie is a "real" lie.  But when they say 21, when 30, or 40 when 55, well, then it is a "woman thing."

So again I ask, why do some women lie?



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