Pouting and Sulking

Pouting and Sulking (Full Version)

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Whipenrod -> Pouting and Sulking (7/22/2005 1:25:43 AM)
Did a session with a male sub I know fairly well. He was going through some rough times, and we thought a session in public would be a great thing for both of us It went well--but on the final 'count of ten' I was surprised to actually hear him POUT (it's a sound in the voice, really--I hope fellow Mistresses know what i'm talking about) Never happened before. I ended things with light taps to finish the count as I didn't want to push him. We've never had a 'safe word' between us otherwise. (Like I said--he was going through some rough times and the same blows taken at other times would have been exciting) And now I find a wonderful 'vanilla' article about 'sulking' (A woman writing about dealing with an issue with her husband by sulking--they had already 'made up' but she felt unsatisfied, still unhappy. So she delt with it by SULKING. Both are passive-aggressive behaviors Both underline hidden resentments that cannot be expressed openly So my question: How do you deal with pouting and sulking??? In and out of sessions? Slaves or submissives? There should be a difference, I think--perhaps? Warmly, Lady Whipenrod

GentleLady -> RE: Pouting and Sulking (7/22/2005 3:41:32 AM)
Good question Whipenrod. And yes, it is easy to identify that 'pouting' sound and look when it happens. When this occurs during a planned session I finish the session as planned and end it there. Then I tell the submissive that I heard the pout and if he truly wants more then he had better earn it. In the case you described I would make sure that he earns more and then let him have it. I knew a submissive that needed excessive amounts of pain to deal with his bouts of depression. He needed the pain to bring him back to a more positive outlook. I use the same approach the odd time this happens out of session. They have to be clear that activities occur in My time frame and not theirs even while I take their needs into consideration. How they earn it can be as much fun as letting them have it. Gentle Lady

LadyAngelika -> RE: Pouting and Sulking (7/22/2005 5:25:17 AM)
quote: Both are passive-aggressive behaviors Both underline hidden resentments that cannot be expressed openly So my question: How do you deal with pouting and sulking??? In and out of sessions? Slaves or submissives? There should be a difference, I think--perhaps? I have to say I probably don't deal with it very well. Passive-agressive behaviour is something that I really have little patience for in all aspects of my life. How I react is all dependant on how much the person being passive-agressive means to me and how often they are doing it. I can understand that we all have our moments of weakenesses and I try to address passive-agressive behaviour in a timely manner to get to the root of what is going on with them. For people who are interested in getting over their issues, this will work. For those who find pleasure in being miserable, they will continue to pout, sulk and be passive aggressive and that is a guaranteed way to lose me as a friend/lover. How I approach it is dependant on the type of relationship I have with the person. I think one of the things to avoid is to address passive behaviour with aggressive or aggressive with passive. Both passive and aggressive behaviour is best dealt with by using assertive behaviour. Here is a resource I find excellent for sorting out the differences: Personal Behavioral Styles. - LA

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