Over stepping? (Full Version)

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breatheasone -> Over stepping? (9/26/2007 7:24:47 AM)

If I have what I think is a great idea for a scene....and I am confident my Master will LOVE it...and want to surprise Him with it...is that "Topping from the bottom?"  I don't want to ask Him..."HEY!...is it ok if I give You this really cool surprise?" kinda takes away from it a bit LOL. 



LordVelvet -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 7:28:03 AM)

I think it depends on the relationship that you have with your Master. you know Him better than I? I personally wouldn't. Just My opinion.
LordVelvet



Jayxkes -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 7:28:34 AM)

Now there's an interesting dilemma!

I'd say that it all depends on the individuals concerned and what the surprise is. Could you raise the subject in a vague,  something for the future type way and see how he feels about it?



crouchingtigress -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 7:33:48 AM)

trust your gut.



breatheasone -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 7:34:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jayxkes

Now there's an interesting dilemma!

I'd say that it all depends on the individuals concerned and what the surprise is. Could you raise the subject in a vague,  something for the future type way and see how he feels about it?


Ohhhh! Mr. Jayxkes....good idea...I can be rather cleaver when need be LOL...I'm certain I could broach the subject without tipping my hand.




chellekitty -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 7:37:32 AM)

yea...umm from my experience, though i don't know the intimate details of your relationship...would say...bad idea!

how i would approach it would be to write him a really hot story about it and end it with "wish this could come true..." and leave it up to him to make it come true or not....that way you are giving him a present with just the really hot story and if he decideds to make it come true, which if its feasable, i don't see why he wouldn't...you are getting what you desire...

anyone else's thoughts on that aproach?



Phoenix2raven -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 7:37:51 AM)

It would come down to how the request was worded. I am always open to my submissives suggestions, she comes up with some great scene ideas. As long as it's worded as a petition and her intent is to please me it's all puffy white clouds.
~Phoenix~



toservez -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 7:38:36 AM)

Depends on the motivations, or how he enjoys things and when you approach him.

If you approach him in a way it is all about you then I would think that would be overstepping or if he enjoys the scenes you do because he thinks them up and control from the imagination stage to finish is important then that could also be a problem.

But in my opinion and experience not all scenes are as serious as I described and most dominants like to see their submissive initiate things sometimes. You know your Master best to answer your own question but certainly initiating something based on you thinking your Master will enjoy it, I would bet money he would not get mad or think you are over stepping.




Babybass -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 7:41:32 AM)

I love that idea chellekitty!! I send my Master my journal every night so i put any ideas/fantasies i have into that! its a nice way of letting him know what i would like - and he can decide to use it in the future if he wants to! Usually he does - but not always straight away!! We have very similar tastes in our fantasies!



breatheasone -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 7:54:01 AM)

I agree, wording and approach is very important. I really like the hot story idea.... Master has always told me..."Candace, in me you are free." I take that to heart, and we seem to do alot of exploring together...Its an awesome feeling, Freedom.....



Jayxkes -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 7:55:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jayxkes

Now there's an interesting dilemma!

I'd say that it all depends on the individuals concerned and what the surprise is. Could you raise the subject in a vague,  something for the future type way and see how he feels about it?


Ohhhh! Mr. Jayxkes....good idea...I can be rather cleaver when need be LOL...I'm certain I could broach the subject without tipping my hand.



That would be my preferred method.  As long as enough detail leaked out to ensure that when the surprise was sprung,  I didn't mess it up [;)]

If you can,  do let me know how it all goes please.



slaveluci -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 8:01:14 AM)

Hi Candy,
As others have said, you know your master better than any of us.  However, from all I know of you both, he seems like a very open-minded man.  If you feel so sure that he would love it, as you say, I'm not sure why you wouldn't go ahead with it. 

Master never considers it "topping" when I ask for something.  Asking does not mean I'm going to automatically get it.  He is Master.  He can say "no."  People sometimes seem so afraid of even voicing a desire or request because the very thought of it makes them think they are "topping."  Nonsense.  Do they have so much control over their dom/master that simply voicing a request renders him powerless?[8|]  I sure don't and I don't think you do either.

Now, if you were to demand something or whine or pout or manipulate, that's different.  But thinking of something and then asking?  That is NOT topping in MY relationship.  As a matter of fact, if I thought of a scene that I was positive Master would love and I DIDN'T bring it up, He would consider that much worse behavior.  He owns my mind too, ya know?  If it can't be used for thinking up hot things He would love, then what can it be used for?[;)]

Seriously, you and your master seem to have a solid relationship.  Please don't hold back from him because you think simply offering up an idea is "topping."  That would just be sad.  Good luck with it..................luci



mistoferin -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 8:04:37 AM)

How about "Hey, I thought of this really hot idea for a scene, would you like me to tell you about it?"




Celeste43 -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 12:30:08 PM)

It's not topping from the bottom as long as he can say thanks but not interested. If you're manipulating him or using emotional blackmail to get him to along with it, then it's wrong. But this brings up the question of how you will feel if he says this is the weirdest thing he's ever seen and he isn't ever going there. If you can handle a flat out rejection and you aren't presenting it with any pressure, then go for it. Otherwise I'd advise against.



hisannabelle -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 1:52:08 PM)

greetings breatheasone,

in my experience, and as others have mentioned, topping from the bottom is usually when you are domineering and/or using manipulation in order to get what you want. this does not seem like that. the protocol on what's acceptable and what's not in terms of surprises really depends on your personal relationship, though - some would require that a submissive ask, some would not be bothered if something was sprung on them as long as the situation was in their power to stop, etc. maybe a good way to figure out how to approach this would be to raise the issue of what is and is not acceptable in this case in general, if you are not sure. i am not sure if you could do that without tipping your hand but it is one idea. :)

personally, for us, i think he would love it if i sprung a surprise scene on him; he would not be upset that i hadn't asked first, as long as he was still in control of stopping the scene, etc. this isn't something i've ever done, although we have discussed a few times whether or not it is acceptable and he has expressed an interest/encouragement for it.

respectfully,
annabelle.



SirCache -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 2:12:52 PM)

Depends on your relationshp dynamics, but count my vote in the 'As long as you approach him honestly, with humility and grace' column.  I think it'll be fine, as long as you are not manipulative or condescending.  Personally I'm always open to scene suggestions--the worst I'll say is no.



breatheasone -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 2:56:28 PM)

Thanks for the support...Master does indeed foster my creativity and welcomes my input. I just am very new to WIITWD and didn't want to seem pushy.  LOL  Master and I have a standing argument over who corrupted who....LOL



BitaTruble -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 3:19:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

If I have what I think is a great idea for a scene....and I am confident my Master will LOVE it...and want to surprise Him with it...is that "Topping from the bottom?"  I don't want to ask Him..."HEY!...is it ok if I give You this really cool surprise?" kinda takes away from it a bit LOL. 


Permission is a grand thing to have but around these parts, it isn't mandatory when it comes to surprises. [8D] Incentive works just as well. I'd say your knowledge that he would 'love' it is pretty good incentive. If it were me, I'd go for it and if he didn't end up liking it, no doubt he'd beat me for the attempt. Win-win. [:D]

2 cents in the bucket

Celeste



Focus50 -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 3:21:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

If I have what I think is a great idea for a scene....and I am confident my Master will LOVE it...and want to surprise Him with it...is that "Topping from the bottom?"  I don't want to ask Him..."HEY!...is it ok if I give You this really cool surprise?" kinda takes away from it a bit LOL. 

Ahh yes, that 8th deadly sin - topping from the bottom....
 
As others have more or less said, it depends on the dynamic of your personal relationship.
 
Now me, I find it a bit tedious if I'm the one who hasta initiate all the time.  As the Dom and one looked on to lead, I initiate most times for my own personal needs but I'll admit to not being the most creative of individuals....  So if the girl has an idea, she's welcome to speak up anytime.  The only requirement in all things is that she does so respectfully and with the knowledge that that doesn't guarantee she'll get the answer she wants. 
 
And as one who enjoys a sub who is playful and has a bit of mischief about her, I don't mind her *occasionally* initiating indirectly through some form of brattiness - which others may see as that 8th deadly sin.  Pardon my shameless generalisation but subs are attention freaks and that mostly works for me, too.  But I don't always wanna be the one sitting round thinking of how to "entertain" her.
 
Be careful of "surprises" though; even with someone you've known for years, there's a lot of outside and often unknown factors at any given time that can influence how a surprise is received....
 
Focus.



Viridana -> RE: Over stepping? (9/26/2007 3:27:15 PM)

I don't see how asking is topping from the bottom. A question in itself means you can get a yes or a no or something there in between. You're not demanding anything. 



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