RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (Full Version)

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Lashra -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 8:11:33 AM)

For me the attachment makes the experience much more fulfilling and meaningful, even though when it has ended it was painful. Life involves pain sometimes and you just have to pull yourself together and move along.

~Lashra



RRafe -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 8:13:24 AM)

attachment limits freedom.



Bobkgin -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 8:17:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

attachment is the root of all suffering.....


True and very obvious when a loved one dies.

quote:


suffering is a choice and a very limiting one at that....thats my take on it....what are you thoughts?


I agree with that too.

When someone refuses to accept that the attachment has been lost (or has moved to a purely non-physical level for those of a spiritual bend), one is choosing to suffer.

I believe the bereavement process is very much a matter of accepting the loss, letting go of the attachment.

But the suffering can also serve a beneficial purpose: humbling us and teaching us that despite all our will-power, we cannot control the universe.

Not every story has a 'happy-ever-after' ending.

Death of loved ones and similar life-altering events can help us focus on what is most important in life, rather than allowing us to continue focusing on minutiae.



crouchingtigress -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 8:21:17 AM)

quote:

But t
he suffering can also serve a beneficial purpose: humbling us and teaching us that despite all our will-power, we cannot control the universe.


love it![:)] 

any excuse to be humble and to be real is a beautiful thing.



akisha -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 8:24:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

On the "Argh" thread, the statement was made that "Attachment IS Limitation".  I did not want to hijack that thread but I did think this could be an interesting idea to toss around.

Your thoughts?


I kind of agree. The only person I ever let myself become totally emotionally attached to is the one that was the hardest to move on from.

Thing is, do you ever really sever the attachment you make?



crouchingtigress -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 8:29:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

Thing is, do you ever really sever the attachment you make?



well its a lot harder if you are wearing his brand, ink or cuttings....but basically it involve a reclaiming cerimony or some sort of defined excersise or ritual, you can write me on the other side if you want to know more.



daddysprop247 -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 8:31:23 AM)

very interesting topic CreativeDominant. i do agree that for many, perhaps most, emotional attachment is indeed a limitation, at least in some respects. you often hear about the beloved sub/slave whose Dominant allows her to get away with murder because he simply can no longer bear to hurt her or make her suffer, even if it's what she and the relationship itself needs.

this issue has even effected my Master and i to some degree. tho with a little twist...unlike some, his perverse and sadistic drives increase in direct relation to how much he loves and cares for a woman. the more he loves and adores you, the stronger his need to use, abuse, degrade, debase, pimp, beat, etc. however at the same time the presence of love and affection causes him to feel guilt, at times stifling guilt, about wanting and then acting on these urges. so, to avoid the guilt, at times he has gone relatively easy on me, spared me certain treatment, but then the frustration creeps in and his urges get steadily more intense until finally he lets it all go typically in one big hullabaloo, which usually leaves me emotionally recouping for quite some time and his guilt eating him up inside for a bit. but eh what can you do? without the attachment it really loses all meaning and purpose, at least for us.



RRafe -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 8:31:36 AM)

Any attachment can be broken by force of will.

The deisre has to be stronger than the connection..



UR2Badored -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 8:36:24 AM)

Pardon my wussy-on-the-fence answer, but:
Depends on the two involved.  I have definitely felt attachment hinder the hierarchy dynamic as well as S&m play.  However, it can also be the most fulfilling part of relationship that increases the trust factor. 

Great topic by the way..........I am very interested in where this thread might go.



Alumbrado -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 8:37:16 AM)

quote:

Any attachment can be broken by force of will.

The deisre has to be stronger than the connection..



The desire to be free of an attachment is ironically, fuel for another attachment. 
The only way out of attachment is to give yourself permission to let it go... you cannot force yourself to break it without creating other problems.



AquaticSub -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 8:40:34 AM)

~Fast Reply~

Without attachment, it really doesn't mean all that much to me. I have no desire to serve someone I don't love. What it basically boils down to is that if I'm not attached to you, I'm serving/bottoming/fucking/whatever for my needs and desires, not yours. Depending on just how unattached to you I am, I won't even care if yours get met no matter how domly you are.



RRafe -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 9:04:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

quote:

Any attachment can be broken by force of will.

The deisre has to be stronger than the connection..



The desire to be free of an attachment is ironically, fuel for another attachment. 
The only way out of attachment is to give yourself permission to let it go... you cannot force yourself to break it without creating other problems.


Break it, let it go-semantics.

Indifference works for me.



akisha -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 9:07:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

Thing is, do you ever really sever the attachment you make?



well its a lot harder if you are wearing his brand, ink or cuttings....but basically it involve a reclaiming cerimony or some sort of defined excersise or ritual, you can write me on the other side if you want to know more.



Well i'm not really big on ceramonies and such to be honest. I honestly don't think a ceramony is going to tell someones heart to quit wanting someone.

I understand how it might work for some people though. I thank you for the idea *S*



Alumbrado -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 9:09:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

quote:

Any attachment can be broken by force of will.

The deisre has to be stronger than the connection..



The desire to be free of an attachment is ironically, fuel for another attachment. 
The only way out of attachment is to give yourself permission to let it go... you cannot force yourself to break it without creating other problems.


Break it, let it go-semantics.

Indifference works for me.


Meh...[:D]



Bobkgin -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 9:43:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: UR2Badored

Pardon my wussy-on-the-fence answer, but:
Depends on the two involved.  I have definitely felt attachment hinder the hierarchy dynamic as well as S&m play. 


Prop described it well:

quote:

daddysprop247:
hear about the beloved sub/slave whose Dominant allows her to get away with murder because he simply can no longer bear to hurt her or make her suffer, even if it's what she and the relationship itself needs.


I keep in mind that to love a slave requires that I maintain the discipline and dynamic she requested of me to begin the relationship. To break faith in either area is an act of betrayal, not an act of love (bearing in mind that emergencies and other safety issues may require alterations in the discipline and dynamic).

quote:


However, it can also be the most fulfilling part of relationship that increases the trust factor. 


Indeed. I cannot master anyone unless there is an emotional attachment between us. It's one of the reasons I don't do online sex.

I wonder how many other d/ms suffer from emotional impotence where there is no attachment?



tricia -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 11:56:00 AM)

Personally, i think the love i have for my Master will ultimately be the demise of our relationship.  So, i guess i do believe that attachment is limitation.  I wrestle with this on a regular basis and reserve the right to change my mind at any time :)



CreativeDominant -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 12:00:01 PM)

Thank you for all the replies so far...I hope to see others reply as well, including Diurnal and the originator of the statement.

I know for a fact that in my first D/s relationship, I limited myself due to the attachment I felt to the person.  Plus, there was all the headiness of my first D/s relationship and on and on and on...but as I have noted before, I was lucky in that since we were both exploring and learning together, we both did a lot of talking to others more experienced than ourselves and brought that to the relationship; hence, the limitations became less and the enjoyment of the less limiting structure more deeply felt.  In my next two experiences, I was able to get further along the road of not letting whatever I felt for the person emotionally detract from the dynamic or from the BDSM play.  The fine line comes into play though...you have to be careful not to be so intent on not letting attachment interfere with the D/s or the BDSM that you forget that this is a person you ARE attached to and you end up ignoring that attachment in favor of following only the D/s dynamic and BDSM dynamic you have established.  For me, it is the melding of the three with each in their proper perspective.  And, as noted before, just like any other relationship...that takes work. 



Celeste43 -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 12:01:08 PM)

Any choice precludes other choices. Order the chicken parmigiana for dinner and you've decided not to have the lasagna. Don't decide and you go hungry.

Of course attachments come with limitations. So what? The question here is if the attachment is worth the limitations. Becoming a mother meant I wasn't able to fly off to Rome at a moment's notice. I miss Rome a lot but I wouldn't trade all the Italian vacations of my dreams for my ums.



RCdc -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 12:06:59 PM)

Attachment is Limitation is a false statement.
 
Attachemnt has limitations = true.
Everything is finite and therefore limited, unless you get involved in a theological debate.
 
the.dark.



onestandingstill -> RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? (9/26/2007 12:14:19 PM)

I think over all the attachment in us forms because we care.
I indeed have heard many sadists say they can't release the sadist on their mate because they love them too much to hurt them.
I've also heard the opposite where a sadist will not do the really edgy harder stuff with play partners or casual dates, but rather only can do the most hard dangerous stuff with the one he loves because it has such a magnitude of emotions for them.
Hell it's very common in movies and such that someone will kidnap a loved one and torture them to make someone give up the money or info.
Everyone knows attachments and connections make people do things they'd not be willing to otherwise.

For me the attachments may leave me a little more exposed than I prefer, but I'd not want to skip having all the blessings and joy all the attachments in my life give me.
suzanne



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