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gentlesurrender -> Control - freedom or crutch (7/22/2005 3:41:57 PM)
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Oh i made the mistake, or was it, of moaning about my lack of getting anything done, im tired, my house is a mess, im havent completed my next assignment, i havent written anymore on my book and so the list went on.
Never complain to your best friend when he is a Master
He listened as he always does patiently, once i had finished my rant, he summed it up, so you have been going on the net morning, noon and night till god knows what time in the morning again and so, you havent got the energy or motivation to do anything in the day.
yep thats just about it
well then no more pc until your house is tidy with that added 'Do you understand?'
oh what you have to be joking, but hey it will take me longer than a day to get sorted out again. I didnt argue with him and set about clearing up today. I sat down and considered signing on, but thought about the novel i have been writing. Coincidently the characters were just about to enter into a list of rules for her to live by. Get organised and have a clearer path to achieve her goals. I wrote the chapter pouring out all the feelings i was having.
I know to some it sounds insane, i can do things around the house, i can write on my own accord, but every so often i get bogged down, stuck in a rut. Its tiring always being in control, making all the decisions and so frustrating having no-one there to appreciate it apart frome me. i know before you say it that should be enough and most of the time 80% it is. Just sometimes...... some might understand.
Today flew by, i have loved every minute of it, my house is a lot straighter, i have rattled off another chapter of my novel, another 3,500 words closer to my goal. I texted my friend to say thank you and he said what for, you did it not me. But having that little bit of control meant i could control myself. At times it sounds so daft to say control gives freedom, but it does.
Im lucky to have a friend who understands me and what i need, wonder if i can pinch some DNA and clone him and have a ready made dom of my own. Well i can dream!!!!!!!
Do you find control gives you freedom to be you, to, i dont know, as if it empowers you to control yourself more, or do you think its all just a crutch to lean on ??
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