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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/28/2007 6:44:57 AM   
thetammyjo


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Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

This is unbelievable. I can't seem to get more than short once sentence answers and in some cases one word answers out of most of the guys that contact me. I know some people aren't as comfortable with emails so we go to chat. That's not much better. Then when it comes time to get on the phone I don't get much more. How can I get a sense of who someone is and what he's all about and if we're compatible if he won't talk?

How do you get these types to open up?


My return question to you:

Why do you want to spend time trying to get them to talk?

I find that I want someone who is comfortable with himself and confident to some degree with his submissive or masochistic desires. If he can't talk, I'm assuming he doesn't qualify on one or both of those criteria.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to TNstepsout)
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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/28/2007 7:21:31 AM   
greyarcher315


Posts: 99
Joined: 12/7/2006
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 i don't know how You would force someone to open up.  They should have other interests, and hopefully listed them on their profile. If not, and they can not answer an open ended question on what other interests they have, If they can't or won't do that, then consider dumping them, as lack of communication will kill a relationship dead.  Some guys might also be looking for just a one nighter, in wich case sharing a lot of information is probably a bad idea.

(in reply to TNstepsout)
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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/28/2007 8:51:42 AM   
InnocentYoungSub


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quote:

My can opener for conversations with men are; automobiles, e.g. cars, trucks, mechanics and or NASCAR/BUSCH auto racing and or stock cars, funny cars or something like that. The second is sports --mostly football, baseball seems safe also but--football is a big deal.


That wouldn't work with me because I like neither cars nor sports.


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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/28/2007 8:52:52 AM   
InnocentYoungSub


Posts: 210
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Some people just don't have good social skills. I'm practically a retard when it comes to them...

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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/28/2007 10:47:06 AM   
LadyHugs


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Dear TNstepsout,
 
You can always talk about Mary Kay's pink Cadillacs or the sports with their nuts. [Grins]
 
Just some skewed Sadistic thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted with Sadistic wit,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to TNstepsout)
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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/28/2007 10:49:57 AM   
LadyHugs


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Dear InnocentYoungSub,
 
Oh I would find something to have you speak up more than one line [Grins/teases]
 
I have ways!  [Smiles]
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted with a LOT of humor,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to InnocentYoungSub)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/28/2007 10:52:03 AM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

TN,
How much are you sharing about yourself before you start asking them a lot of questions?  Your sharing will often put a man at ease and make him feel comfortable with sharing more about himself rather than as if he's being interviewed or interrogated.  It will also give him some material to ask you additional questions about or to expound on something the two of you may have in common. 
 
Since you and I know each other from ALT (and are also the person who deserves the credit for pointing me here, which I've never thanked you for publicly until now ), I know you're capable of having witty and intelligent conversations where you have no problem holding up your end of things.  I'd suggest that common ground and shared interests are what you're seeking when you begin to talk with these men.  If you can't get their active participation or find these things fairly quickly, it may be best to move on. 
 
 - pixel
 
   Collared to Majik
 



Pixelslave! I'm glad to see you here! I'd forgotten I met you on Alt not here. I'm pleased to see you found a wonderful Mistress.

I suppose I haven't been saying much about myself. Usually it's in response to an email. Their profile says little and I'm trying to find out more and I can't seem to get much to work with. It makes me feel at a bit of a disadvantage in the conversation. Not a place the dominant party wants to be.

TN



Thanks TN.  It seems it's been quite some time since I've seen you around!  I've been very fortunate that you pointed me here where I started corresponding with Majik about a month after that.
 
With some people, it seems like a job of pulling teeth when trying to have a conversation or learn something about them.  If they don't have anything to share about themselves in their profile and won't respond with more than one-liners to your questions, then they probably don't have a lot of substance or personality; especially if they can't even share their most basic vanilla interests with you.  I suggest you let them fall by the wayside (like dropping a hot potato) if they can't put the effort into creating their profiles or writing messages that share something of themselves.  IMO, you've far too much to offer to waste your time with people who can't initiate contact by communicating openly and honestly with you.
 
 - pixel
 
   Collared to Majik


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Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/28/2007 3:07:28 PM   
TNstepsout


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quote:

ORIGINAL: InnocentYoungSub

Some people just don't have good social skills. I'm practically a retard when it comes to them...


That's not true. I found you interesting, well spoken and mature for your age.

(in reply to InnocentYoungSub)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/28/2007 9:05:34 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

This is unbelievable. I can't seem to get more than short once sentence answers and in some cases one word answers out of most of the guys that contact me.  I know some people aren't as comfortable with emails so we go to chat. That's not much better. Then when it comes time to get on the phone I don't get much more. How can I get a sense of who someone is and what he's all about and if we're compatible if he won't talk?

How do you get these types to open up?


I don't.  Sometimes I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and give them a try or two... you know, through out a couple questions, a topic for discussion, whatever to try and get things going... but if they can't or won't interact like an adult who is interested in knowing me why would I waste my time?

Chance 1-3 and then I drop them.  Such behavior wouldn't be acceptable in person, so I don't tolerate it online.  I've been through too many of those non-conversations in real life haha! 

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Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to TNstepsout)
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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/28/2007 9:09:00 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

This is unbelievable. I can't seem to get more than short once sentence answers and in some cases one word answers out of most of the guys that contact me.  I know some people aren't as comfortable with emails so we go to chat. That's not much better. Then when it comes time to get on the phone I don't get much more. How can I get a sense of who someone is and what he's all about and if we're compatible if he won't talk?

How do you get these types to open up?


I don't.  Sometimes I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and give them a try or two... you know, through out a couple questions, a topic for discussion, whatever to try and get things going... but if they can't or won't interact like an adult who is interested in knowing me why would I waste my time?

Chance 1-3 and then I drop them.  Such behavior wouldn't be acceptable in person, so I don't tolerate it online.  I've been through too many of those non-conversations in real life haha! 


I agree completely.  If after a couple or few emails they are still providing one word or one line answers, even AFTER I ask an open ended question, I don't bother writing them again.  They make me feel rather....odd, almost like I need to take a shower to wash the weirdness off of me after dealing with that kind of exchange.

~Psy

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Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to RumpusParable)
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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/28/2007 10:10:44 PM   
InnocentYoungSub


Posts: 210
Joined: 8/7/2007
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I don't think ladies know how intimidating they can be! Eek...

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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/28/2007 10:26:26 PM   
natureschild


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Joined: 9/8/2007
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Im a very chatty person, and to a fault with sharing things about myself. After I gabber for a little while, I always make sure to stop and ask him something, that includes him in on the conversation. Talk TOO guys, not AT them, thats what Ive learned.

Never really had much trouble with getting a guy to talk with me.

But yes, sometimes there are Mr-no-convo-skills. And other times the guy is just the quiet type. If thats the case, try to get him comfertable.

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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 10/2/2007 11:11:11 AM   
MistressDollysub


Posts: 11
Joined: 8/7/2007
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i have long held the belief that effective communication is essential for any relationship to be worthwhile. This is particularly true in a D/s relationship due to the high degree of trust involved.
The ratio of Dommes to subs is 50 to 1 or greater. If  a prospective submissive simply posts one sentence replies it is very likely he in not genuine submissive material. Lucky for the Domme She has at least 49 more to choose from .


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m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m


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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 10/2/2007 4:58:59 PM   
youngsubgeoff


Posts: 900
Joined: 9/25/2007
From: The Asylum
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all I can say is, try not to talk to neandrathals!

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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 10/2/2007 5:28:52 PM   
TatrixdEville


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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

all I can say is, try not to talk to neandrathals!
So easy a caveman can do it! 

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Death before dishonor. Nothing before coffee.

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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 10/2/2007 5:30:21 PM   
BlackKnight


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UGH!

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'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'
Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 10/2/2007 7:01:49 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PsyVamp

I agree completely.  If after a couple or few emails they are still providing one word or one line answers, even AFTER I ask an open ended question, I don't bother writing them again.  They make me feel rather....odd, almost like I need to take a shower to wash the weirdness off of me after dealing with that kind of exchange.


we're not shy...
we're contagious!

*muahahahaaa!*

(in reply to PsyVamp)
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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 10/3/2007 3:58:13 AM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
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quote:

How can I get a sense of who someone is and what he's all about and if we're compatible if he won't talk?


I'm of the school of thought, that if a person can't/won't communicate, then we're not compatible. It makes things pretty simple for me. :)


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I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to TNstepsout)
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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 10/3/2007 7:38:21 AM   
undergroundsea


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From: Austin, TX
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From a past thread:

I have no trouble talking about myself!

For instance, I can talk about my favorite color. Most men like either black or blue as their favorite color. I try to be a little different. So I say my favorite to be black and blue <wink, wink>. I suppose I am also a bit indecisive at times.

And I can talk about my favorite college football team! Wohoo! I can recite their stats for the last five years off the top of my head. And if you want to know something from seven years ago, no problem. I have a folded sheet of paper in my wallet that has the archives. And I also have an autograph of Johnny Blue in my wallet! Who is he? He almost got onto the Texas team as a place kick holder! How many people can make that claim? And I can talk about where I was when Texas won the Rose Bowl. And I can talk about where I was when Texas beat Kansas* two years go. I mean not that that game was as big as the Rose Bowl but I remember so I might as well share, right?

And I can talk about my car! How much horsepower it has. And how quickly it goes from 0 to 25. And I can talk about the time I went out and spun my tires as I turned corners! I could keep a woman entertained for hours. I have so many exciting stories to tell. And I won't just bore someone with words alone. I have photos of my car in my wallet! The engine, the tires. You would feel like you have known the car for years.

And I love to talk about my tools. Last time I was on a date I talked about my tools. Wait....was it.....yes, that's right. I'm sorry, that was 4 years ago so it's a little hard to remember. Anyway, I think my date was intimidated and overwhelmed by my extensive knowledge and expertise about tools. I think she was conscious that she was not able to contribute to the conversation much because she was reluctant to see me again. I guess not all of them can keep up with you, huh?

And I love my Ham radio! I think they are not as popular amongst women as they are amongst men. But if women learned more about them, they would love them as much as men! And that's where I come in. I am just a wealth of information for women. I can draw a diagram of a Ham radio on a dinner napkin with the flux capacitor and everything in no time. And I love to draw diagrams on dinner napkins. That's why I don't go to any place that has cloth dinner napkins. Anyway, one time I was drawing a Ham radio diagram and the waitress came by to fill the iced tea. I thought she might also like to know how they work so I got her attention. I said, hey I was explaining here how this radio works and I thought you might also like to know....you see this thing here...it goes to this thing...

You should have seen the confused, surprised expression on her face. She was astounded by my act of kindness and that someone--a stranger--would volunteer to explain all that to her for nothing. But she was very responsible. She did not stay for even two words because she said she had customers waiting.

So anyway. Who wants to know more about me?

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 10/3/2007 7:39:43 AM >

(in reply to iammachine)
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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 10/3/2007 2:44:51 PM   
iammachine


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And some men, you just can't get to shut up.... 

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