RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (Full Version)

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DiurnalVampire -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/3/2007 2:53:03 PM)

My personal 2 cents.  I will tell them to tell me more about themselves.  Dont ask open ended questions, necessarily, becasue they can be dodged.  But if you are truly interested and want to try and get them to open up a touch, ask them to tell you about themselves. Give them a few starters and specifically say what you'd like to know. AS the Dominant, that really wont come off looking too bad. And, for me at least, I tell them they can ask anything theyd like to know as well.  Answer their questions the way you want yours answered, and it sets the precedent. However, after a few tries, if they cant seem to move past grunts and snorts as answers, its time to move on.  On messenger, I am a little more tolerant of short answers tothings, as long as they convey the information I am trying to get.  Emails, you have longer so I expect more. And on the phone you had best have a running conversation.
If you have to work that hard to see if they are compatible, the answer is they are not. If you have to beat answers out of them now when they are supposed to be trying to be impressive and get your attention, what is it going to be like when they are already comfortable with you? Communication doesnt tend to get better with familiarity, silence becomes more comfortable.  If you are getting frusterated, then move on.  Especially if they are contacting you first, you have to make a point in your initial reply that communication is key so they know what they are in for. If, after being told, they still cant, then you know they arent the one for you.

DV



MIstrezzTanya -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/3/2007 3:30:12 PM)

gigglin.

I dont need words. I need to be quiet and do as I say. (but I have gags for that. lol)

I would think that these boys would have a hard time with words.. because there are a lot of us that dont require words.

I'd rather have them fill out a questionaire anyway.. then I'll know the things I want to talk about .. IF they make it thru the questionaire that is......and I can ask opened ended questions accordingly.




whatagoodboyiam -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/3/2007 6:21:13 PM)

[:'(][:o][:-][&o] nn nnnnn  nnnnnnnnnnn[:-][:-][8|][8|][8|][>:][>:][:(][&:][8D][:)][:D]



petdave -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/3/2007 6:39:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire
If you have to beat answers out of them now when they are supposed to be trying to be impressive and get your attention, what is it going to be like when they are already comfortable with you? Communication doesnt tend to get better with familiarity, silence becomes more comfortable.



Really? i've always been the opposite... until i've learned by observation what a person is interested in, what subjects/opinions are acceptable to them, what they find amusing, etc., i don't say a damned thing. Not that i talk a LOT under any circumstances, but i'm pretty much silent around strangers. Silence doesn't bother me



rob425 -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/3/2007 7:45:04 PM)

Ak them questions like you would on a normal date. Approaqch them as a friend and they might be less likely to immediately bring up you domming them...IU personally find it so much easier to contact domme's that live no where near me and just befriend them cause I'd like to think that there might be less of a possibility that the Domme assumes i want them to play with them. Also their is little chance of us actually playing due to the distance.

I have trouble responding to domme's in my area for some reason simply cause they all assume i want to play immediately before friendship is built.

I personally know i am honest and upfront when responding to a domme and such. One example would be a domme that lives near me at home. unfortunately she is settled down living in the area of my home and I am still looking to continue my education and could possibly not end up close to home.



undergroundsea -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/3/2007 9:10:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine
And some men, you just can't get to shut up.... [;)]


I know. Don't you hate that? I can't even imagine being like that.

:p

Cheers,

Sea



DiurnalVampire -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/3/2007 9:16:53 PM)

petdave: If asked a specific question, you wouldnt reply?
My comment specified that the sub is makign the contact already, and specific questions are asked.  That means, you already know what I want to know, becasue I have laid it out for you. 
I can understand someone not beong comfortable trying to guess what a Domme wants to know, since there are so many pitfalls to disappear into. However, if there are specifics on the table, it should be easy.
Silence is fine, unless I am TRYING to get an answer out of someone.

DV



ededwards -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/4/2007 3:03:34 AM)

quote:

How do you get these types to open up?


One thing that clams me up is if a person askes me about lifestyle stuff befor we get past the initial, are you a "Serial Killer" stage. "What are you in too?" ..."I dont have a list."...Long Silence....OOOOOOkAAAAAAAY... Bye!........ I especially do not like talking about top or bottom stuff during initial contact on the web or over the phone it short circuts the, getting to know you phase. Cause the little head dont think much. I am finding that by second contact if they are not willing to see me in person then they go on the back burner. My experience has been that there is not point to talking lifestyle if there is no chemistry.



mnottertail -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/4/2007 3:06:05 AM)

OK, stud............are you a serial killer and if you are, what is your favorite color and what kind of tree would you be, if you could?



ededwards -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/4/2007 4:16:21 AM)

quote:

OK, stud............are you a serial killer and if you are, what is your favorite color and what kind of tree would you be, if you could?


Rainbow sherbert and
Cork



mnottertail -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/4/2007 4:30:48 AM)

worldly kinda guy, are you?

Ron



TNstepsout -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/4/2007 4:42:48 AM)

Well it hasn't managed to work on the ones I was already in contact with, but I have changed my approach a bit with new contacts. Not that I was terribly overbearing to begin with, but I can be a bit short and to the point. I had never considered 5 ft of silly goofball to be intimidating, so I had no idea how nervous the person on the other end might be.



ededwards -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/4/2007 4:44:26 AM)

quote:

worldly kinda guy, are you?


Well if I have to be a tree I want to at least have a hope of ending up in a bottle of bourbon



LadyHibiscus -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/4/2007 4:55:51 AM)

I understand shyness, and the desire to make a good first impression, but if someone is intimidated by *conversing* with me, what possible reaction will they have to more strenuous encounters? 



petdave -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/4/2007 5:08:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

petdave: If asked a specific question, you wouldnt reply?
My comment specified that the sub is makign the contact already, and specific questions are asked.  That means, you already know what I want to know, becasue I have laid it out for you. 
I can understand someone not beong comfortable trying to guess what a Domme wants to know, since there are so many pitfalls to disappear into.


Oh, it's not like i ignore questions when asked (see? [:D]), but as the OP lamented, if i don't know the person well, they get a brief, factual answer.
Unless they ask about cars, in which case all bets are off...(no wallet pictures, though... they're on my cell phone!)



hsspode -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/4/2007 6:34:55 AM)

That's funny, usually being the sub, I can't get Mistress' to talk unless there is money on the line.



MissSCD -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/4/2007 6:49:35 AM)

That is not so bad.  I just got an email that wanted an IM Mistress! (Instant Message Mistress).   That is the mind set we are dealing with out there.

Regards, MissSCD



Rumtiger -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/4/2007 3:17:29 PM)

I personally always prefer for anyone to ask me about myself rather then me having to just think up whatever the hell in order to tell her, its like girls dont know this is one of the quickest ways to get to an uncomfortable silence moment, because most guys will say something and then....beeeeeeeeeeeeeep nothing, dead because frankly I for one am fucking my mind open trying to think of what else to say.



ocilla -> RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! (10/4/2007 4:26:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea
.
So anyway. Who wants to know more about me?

Cheers,
Sea


Just the story behind that hat and I am thinking that I would like to bite your shoulder too.

You may be part of the rare "shhhh don't talk" breed of man.  After I've asked and you've copiously answered all my possible questions, I find that such a man does inded have a place.  Eye candy meant to be muted then played with like a yummy catnip infused toy of a cat.  mwuah ha ha ha



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