RE: Why would one choose to submit? (Full Version)

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honestsub4real -> RE: Why would one choose to submit? (9/28/2007 9:36:18 PM)

To the Op, submitting is a two way street, you cannot just "submit" the other person has to accept it and try their best to communicate!



honestsub4real -> RE: Why would one choose to submit? (9/28/2007 9:37:30 PM)

wow, now i am vanilla , ok that looks good lol



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Why would one choose to submit? (9/29/2007 1:00:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ladybug69

Can someone explain that to me please.  I mean, what exactly are things that a submissive gives up?

i gave up nothing. Daddy accepted me as i am - all the good, bad, ugly, opinionated, stubborn, independent, etc sides of this daughter.  He prefers His submissives strong and worthy of being collared by Him ...not weaklings with slave personalities.

quote:

What is she allowed or not allowed to do?

i'm allowed to have a life ...rock and party with bands - just because i'm a daughtersubmissive doesn't mean i'm locked away from the world ...i do have everyday me that has to face and interact with others. until recently, i was allowed to meet and date other men ...now i don't have that permission since i've found someone who completes me like i complete Daddy.

quote:

How much power does she give to her Daddy?

that depends on your dynamic with your other. 

with Daddy,  it's equal balance. He only controls certain aspects of my life and welfare however when it comes to my UMs, He merely has general interest in their welfare and does advise me on a few matters.

quote:

I mean...if the purpose to submit is to serve because you love to serve and trust this person....does one really need to submit to do things for someone and trust them??  I would appreciate some insight to this issue. 

Ladybug

it's more than that with Daddy and me. we have a loving, caring, and nuturing relationship based first on the foundation of friendship and trust. we both share a common bond of interests, kink tastes/dislikes and hobbies ...however the kink side to us is like dessert after a 7-course dinner. it's not an important factor of our lives.



lilacs -> RE: Why would one choose to submit? (9/29/2007 5:16:14 AM)

quote:


That's a very good question...what images comes tomind when I read others say they're submissive.  The answer to that is...from stories I've read and from what some tell me...I visualize being humiliated..on my knees in a bowed position, not speaking until being acknowledged, being ordered to do varies of things.  I know it has to be more than this..this is why I posed the earlier questions.  I'm curious to what the relationship consist of.  Is it a loving, nuturing, emotionally/intimately/mentally fulfilling relationship..where you're not in D/s mode 24/7?  And if you're not, do you get together only for "scenes?"


What's interesting to me is that the image that you have in your head is something I never thought I would want and made me feel uneasy about the idea of being in a D/s relationship.  And don't get me wrong - I don't want it most of the time.  However, as time has gone on and I have changed (as all people change over time - and we are talking a couple of years - not always having a Dominant partner - sometimes just thinking about what I want from being in a D/s relationship) now sometimes I do want things like that.  The fact that the things I want change and evolve not only makes things fun, exciting and interesting, but makes it just a little bit confusing at times!  Just when I think I have myself figured out, I realize that I might have another room that I haven't ever opened.

At the same time, there are things that are "hard limits" that I know are most likely always going to be hard limits.  (Basically things I'll never do, no matter what.)  And that's okay to.  There's a really long list of things that are in the "Meh.  Not my thing, and maybe not even something I want to do -- but if He wants me to try it, I'll try it."  Those are the things that I know full well might be something of our everyday lives someday.  Odd how people change like that over time.

There are lots of kinds of submission - and if you are pulled toward it, feel free to think about it and explore at your own pace.  Don't let anyone tell you that you "aren't submissive enough."  The most anyone can tell you is that you are not submissive enough to fulfill *their* needs.

Sorry, sort of rambling... I'll go back to lurk mode now. ;)



Celeste43 -> RE: Why would one choose to submit? (9/29/2007 6:17:13 AM)

The only things I'm not allowed to do is chat with other doms and wander out of bed in the middle of the night if I wake up. Okay, I do get out if I've been lying there for an hour but otherwise I get some water and come back to bed. Oh, and don't serve him eggs or peas, I can make them for me but he gets something else.

I don't walk behind him or not speak until spoken to. He wants me next to him, not at his feet. And since he knows he isn't all knowing, he wants my input. Sometimes it changes his decisions, sometimes it doesn't.

But starting with sexual submission only is the sensible thing to do. If the relationship is a good one, you will gradually learn that his deeds match his words, that he doesn't flip when stressed or angry, that he is who he is at all times and with all people. As you begin to know him more deeply you may feel safe allowing him to make other decisions. If they are good decisions, then that will help your trust in him to grow. But just as in any other relationship, these things take time; months if not years.



Cyntilating -> RE: Why would one choose to submit? (9/29/2007 7:02:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ladybug69



That's a very good question...what images comes tomind when I read others say they're submissive.  The answer to that is...from stories I've read and from what some tell me...I visualize being humiliated..on my knees in a bowed position, not speaking until being acknowledged, being ordered to do varies of things.  I know it has to be more than this..this is why I posed the earlier questions.  I'm curious to what the relationship consist of.  Is it a loving, nuturing, emotionally/intimately/mentally fulfilling relationship..where you're not in D/s mode 24/7?  And if you're not, do you get together only for "scenes?"

Another good question is..what brought on this struggle.  I'm having an issue with someone having total control over me.  From the responses I've received, the amount of control (and to what aspect of my life) is determined by BOTH the D/s...not just the Dom.  That I'm happy to discover.


Hi Ladybug
  ...many of the others have already expressed some of my own views about "why submit" ..so I won't repeat..
but wanted to add a couple more thoughts>
   you say: [Another good question is..what brought on this struggle.  I'm having an issue with someone having total control over me.]
Alot of people talk about having trouble with the term "total control" ...  there is a negative conotation that seems to follow that ( mostly from the vanilla world ) ..
 
There is a difference between  
    being controlling  vs  being in control (dom/domme)
    being controlled vs  giving the authority and control to another, who is in control of themselves and the relationship.(sub)
      being dominating vs being a dominant
 
I am not controlled by my dominant.  Through my submission I have given him the authority in our relationship.  He wants and needs my imput, thoughts, feelings, desires, idea, views, individuality, perspectives on all things AND  he considers and respects them all, but he will have the final decision.. and it is my commitment to him that I will abide by that and obey and trust him in all things( ie my submission).
Ladybug,  submission, like trust, evolves/grows/is earned
  and the control we give over as well..
You being unable to thoroughly grasp the idea of giving your control away right now, is actually a good sign LOL means you are coming from a logical and strong mental place.  You want answers, you want to feel the trust, you want and need to know that you are not giving up "yourself and your identity"  and you need to understand why and how this will strengthen you and not weaken you..<<<< all very positive feelings and good questions in my opinion.
  
the above is referring to a mental/emotional/& physical  D/s or M/s relationship dynamic..
 
There are also control/submit dynamics you will also find that are not involving the mental and emotional submission in a relationship..
generally referred to as Tops ( the one controlling "a" scenario) and bottoms ( the one submitting to the Top).
that might be something else for you to add to your quest for information....many others can define that and inform you about that kind of dynamic much better than I can, but wanted to point out that submitting and submission is not always synonomous.  Only an individual can identify for themselves whether they desire to submit or desire to give their submission {or neither!}... neither is right or wrong/less or more valuable or meaningful..its just individual. 
 
Do you feel like a sponge right now??  lol   ya, it's a time when you just can't get enough information..wanna soak it all up and then some  : )  
There's lots of great information here and many very knowledgeable, informative and helpful people...
 
smiles
 
 
 
 
 
   
 



TNstepsout -> RE: Why would one choose to submit? (9/29/2007 7:13:34 PM)

I can understand your confusion because that is exactly the question I was asking a couple of years ago. I never really got the answer that fit, I had to figure it out on my own. For me I could never really understand submission because I'm not really submissive. I am nurturing and caring and I like making people like me and helping them. But that's not submission. I had fantasies of kinky sex and kinky scenes that often involved authority figures, forced situations etc... That's not submission either. I found out I liked being a bottom, I liked being beaten, I even liked being handled roughly and forced to do things. And that's not submission either.

Strangely I didn't figure out what submission was until I began to embrace my dominant nature and to understand it. From that perspective I finally began to understand what the Doms were trying to explain. What they were looking for and what I didn't have.

IMO-A naturally submissive person is one who finds a sense of self and a sense of purpose from being of service to another person. They find a sense of safety and order in being instructed and structured by another person. And they like feeling like they are with someone they can look up to in wonder and awe and feel proud and special in serving them. (of course this is an ideal that sometimes fades with time, leaving a more realistic appreciation of ones Dom/me)

The bottom line is that a submissive chooses to submit because it makes them feel whole and because it's who and what they are. If you are asking why someone would choose this then perhaps you are not submissive. There are a lot of alternatives. Perhaps you are a bottom, or perhaps you are only bedroom submissive (someone who primarily wants to be submissive during sex or scenes), or perhaps you are more of an Alpha Female to his Alpha Male, or maybe you are just not a service sub.

I know it's confusing but instead of trying to figure it out (which will make you crazy if you're like me) just go with the flow and see what works for you.



valkyriesdaughte -> RE: Why would one choose to submit? (9/29/2007 7:48:02 PM)

To repeat what has been said many times before: just like vanilla relationships, there are some matches that just aren't meant to be. Just because you are a sub, does not mean to have to be submissive to anyone who calls themself a dom. You wouldn't sleep with any old vanilla man just because you both happen to be heterosexual, so what makes you think you have to be submissive to just any dom? If it doesn't feel like a good fit, move on.



beeble -> RE: Why would one choose to submit? (9/30/2007 3:41:44 AM)

quote:

Ladybug69 wrote: I want my submission to be to a loving, understanding, supportive, etc..relationship .. just as I would a normal vanilla relationship.  For some reason, I perhaps thought the two were different...and in some aspects they are.  I would not want Him to make all decisions for Us...as a matter of fact, I want to be viewed as his equal...not Him being superior to me.  I would however, want the majority of His dominace to be in the sexual aspect of the relationship.

You are me and I claim my five pounds.  I hope you find a Dom who feels the same way about things -- you'll make each other very happy.  They do exist but they're hard to find because they don't tend to make a lot of noise around these parts.  But don't settle for anything less!



subscapejunkee -> RE: Why would one choose to submit? (9/30/2007 9:35:45 AM)

Fascinating thread. Outside the bedroom, me and my Dom are mostly on equal footing. He is kind, respectful and downright polite. But he decides when we scene; and I can never question his decisions or put relationship demands on him. Outside the relationship, I am strong, independent and generally perceived as a leader in most situations. It is in the bedroom where I am totally submissive, there to serve him in every way he desires, which excites me to no end, and I trust him completely to push me to my limits but not too far. And because he is a kind Master, he is a most generous lover who relishes both my pain and my pleasure. 



interestedfemale -> RE: Why would one choose to submit? (9/30/2007 2:36:40 PM)

I would love to thank everyone's input on this thread.
It has not only opened my mind up to whats ahead for me in our new relationship, but it has also given me freedom to know that a D/s relationship does not have to have certain rules that I must follow, its all up to the two in the relationship. I'm excited, and looking forward to exploring, and going deeper.
Peace to all of you
Maddie
[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m27.gif[/image]



AquaticSub -> RE: Why would one choose to submit? (9/30/2007 6:00:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ladybug69

For starters, I don't really understand what it means to submit. 

A rough defination is that you put their will above your own - regardless of it is to dress you in rags or ball gowns.
quote:


I mean, what exactly are things that a submissive gives up? 

Depends on the relationship. I don't really give anything up because Valyraen prefers me to have my hobbies and friends.
quote:


What is she allowed or not allowed to do?

Again, depends on the relationship.
quote:


How much power does she give to her Daddy?

Same thing.
quote:


I mean...if the purpose to submit is to serve because you love to serve and trust this person....does one really need to submit to do things for someone and trust them??

I submit because I have that a d/s relationship suits me best. I serve him because I love him, otherwise I'd tell him to get his own fucking beer. I trust him because of the man he is. I don't need the power dynamic to love and trust him. It just suits us better to structure our relationship this way.



onlyHisgirl -> RE: Why would one choose to submit? (9/30/2007 8:05:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: liljoy

i think most of us didn't become submissive it something that was there all along. i think a lot of us struggled to accept that we were submissive at first.



i agree, liljoy [:)] 
i did struggle and was quite a "brat" at first [:)] i have since become controllable and more submissive...
it's quite nice, i recommend it to those who feel the urge to have someone else holding the reigns, leash, chains, keys, or whatever the case may be [:D]



zacherygregory -> RE: Why would one choose to submit? (9/30/2007 10:22:07 PM)

I found this topic interesting, thank you for bringing it up!  I guess I'm a little confused, are you afraid of making the wrong decision and deciding to 'submit' and then finding out that you have to give up something that you really don't want to or have to do something that you don't want to do?  I thought of this once and ran across a great line from a message board where someone wrote, 'I maybe submissive, but I'm not stupid!'  One of the great things of D/s relationships is that the communication goes a lot farther than vanilla!  (If you say the word 'bondage' on match.com you're profile would probably be deleted instantly!)  I never talked about my 'submissive' personality to anyone until I talked to the Dommes I wish to serve, now I can't shut up about it!  (And I'm never going to get all that time before that back dammit!)

  The other issue I see in regards to 'how much power does she give to her Daddy' is addressed nicely in 'Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual' by Christina Abernathy in which see asks whether you would do something for someone only if you were coerced into doing it by means of a dominant relationship, that is being forced to do something against your will for fear of physical or mental retribution.  Short answer is that slavery is over gone and dead and the term is used here only for it's titillation qualities only.  Abusive relationships are bad, bad, bad, end of story cut, cut, cut, no how, no way period, end of story the sequel.

 So other than that, jump in with both feet, the water is wonderful!

zacherygregory



Celeste43 -> RE: Why would one choose to submit? (10/1/2007 7:28:39 AM)

Actually service is not the only form of submission. Some people are service wired, others are not. Some get off on obedience and others don't. Some are sexual submissives only. For us, the basis of our relationship is emotional transparency. Whatever kind you are is fine. Just be sure to pick someone compatible.



Ladybug69 -> RE: Why would one choose to submit? (10/1/2007 6:30:11 PM)

I'd like to thank you ALL for your input to this topic.  Everyone gave insightful, thoughtul and priceless advice....all of which I have read and taken to heart.  At this moment, I'm allowing this to marinate while I sit patiently and await the One for me.  I will keep you posted on the outcome.  Thanks mucho!

Ladybug



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