A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males)

A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (Full Version)

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sachiaiko -> A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 12:14:28 PM)
I have been a member of this site for many years now, and one of the things I keep running into on a continuous and aggravating basis is the idea, the egotistical and sexist belief that a dominant (mostly males) might be able to “Tame” me into a submissive of some sort. This is not only rude, but it is dismissive, disrespectful and disturbing to those of us who are incredibly clear as to the role they wish to play in this lifestyle. I am a dominant. I am not a submissive, I have no desire to be a submissive, I did submit during some of the training to learn how to become a truly good dome but I have no desire to do this further, or ever again even. What is even worse in my opinion is that some Dominant couples who are interested in poly households are even saying “We’ll welcome other doms but you’ll start out in service and work your way up.” To this I say: “No thank you. I am a dominant, if you wish to engage in relationship with me then you will treat me with dignity, respect and care. You will persue me with the utmost in respect, take me out as though I am an equal, and involve me with the understanding I am not less than you simply because I am a woman.” What is it about doms that has them treat their fellows with such blatant disrespect? Tell me – what makes those of you who do this insane behavior believe that it is in any realm acceptable or desired? Do you not realize that you simply show how ignorant you are about this lifestyle when you go into this level of idiocy? Do you not understand that to behave this way just shows you are too new to this lifestyle to even own a slave in a healthy way? Or is it that those male dominants see me as an untamed, wild thing and if they can bend me to their will then it proves their masculine dominance and power above most others? Whatver it is, I am writing this note to say a very clear statement. *STOP IT!* It’s childish, and shows how limited a mind you have. Treat your fellow dominants with respect or get out of this lifestyle because you will undoubtably give the rest of us a bad name by behaving like an idiot with a submissive, disregarding their safe word or hurting them. And yes, one thing does have to do with another. If you approach a domme like they are a sub it means you aren’t LISTENING to them. And as a Dominant it is unfailingly important to be VERY astute, pay CLOSE attention, and LISTEN to everything your submissives say, want, and need. If you can not do that in a simply email on a website, then you will end up hurting some one and giving the rest of us a bad name. Does any other dominant folks have a desire to add to my remarks, I know for a fact I am not the only woman fed up with this ridiculous behavior. Mistress Sachi

breatheasone -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 12:18:51 PM)
Yeah...this is the thread that never ends....lol...I'm sorry you were treated badly...and so it goes.....

toservez -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 12:20:59 PM)
I hope this helped with your frustration. I doubt you will have turned a light bulb on any males head for which this is directed at. Ignorance is bliss for people with those thoughts and a message board is a dangerous place to be when your beliefs rely on complete ignorance.

camille65 -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 12:28:07 PM)
Look at it this way: If they are treating a dominant woman that way.. just imagine how they treat the submissive ones.

sachiaiko -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 12:37:22 PM)
Exactly. It concerns me that some of our fellow Dominants behave so poorly, and actually end up putting their submissives in danger. Arrogance and Ego are a VERY dangerous thing in a Dominant. I new of one submissive who lost his dom. The man was very sad, i believe the man may have died. He went in search of a new dominant and met a man who claimed to be one of the "Top Dominants in teh Portland area." Which is a bad sign as far as i'm concerned. He took this submissive to a play club and chained him up and pulled out a whip, oh shoot i've forgotten the name for thistype of whip. Slipped my mind. Its the whip with many lashes, and open metal rings at the end of each one to inflict more pain and maybe some light bleeding. At any rate, they were in a VERY loud club, lots of music, and other couples doing scenes. So they created a physical hand signal for their safeword. However, the man was so taken up with the "greatness of his own self" that he didnt pay attention to his sub, whom he was beating with great gusto, while he watched other couples in their scenes. He ended up causing permanent nerve damage in this young mans back because he was so wrapped up in his own ego that he didnt actually CARE about what happened to his submissive. This is that same sort of arrogance which causes dominants to disrespect fellow dominants, and causes submissives to become seriously wounded or hurt. I have to say, i doubt anyone who has personally treated ME with such disrespect is likely to read my note, but some people will, and if i can turn on the light for even ONE person, then it was worth my time to write the bloody thing, you know? Mistress Sachi

HottLicks -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 12:45:25 PM)
Don't let the bugs get to you, squash them. Really, I do understand that you are doing far more than complaining here! You are concerned about a lot of things and I would agree with you. What are they doing to the submissives they have contact with? Of course I think like that a lot, but at the same time, we have to consider that the submissives have a role in it too and they must be healed, educated or whatever so that they don't fall into the hands of idiots. But having said that, I must say that most the submissives I know would not fall into the hands of one or one's such as this. It happens a lot, but maybe not as much as we might fear it does. We can't save the world, but we can try to make it a better place one relationship at a time. Thanks for your post. It is nice to know that others are concerned with these things. Maybe someone who reads it will relate somehow.

SmokingGun82 -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 12:45:42 PM)
There's nothing people enjoy more than being preached to. It's right up there with listening to/reading whining and belly-aching about the inane emails received.

camille65 -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 12:48:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HottLicks Don't let the bugs get to you, squash them. Really, I do understand that you are doing far more than complaining here! You are concerned about a lot of things and I would agree with you. What are they doing to the submissives they have contact with? Of course I think like that a lot, but at the same time, we have to consider that the submissives have a role in it too and they must be healed, educated or whatever so that they don't fall into the hands of idiots. But having said that, I must say that most the submissives I know would not fall into the hands of one or one's such as this. It happens a lot, but maybe not as much as we might fear it does. We can't save the world, but we can try to make it a better place one relationship at a time. Thanks for your post. It is nice to know that others are concerned with these things. Maybe someone who reads it will relate somehow. Why is it assumed that the poor deluded, naive sweet & innocent subbie hasn't the capabilities of taking care of themselves instead of needing a rescuer from the dreaded and dasterdly doms?

SmokingGun82 -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 12:51:14 PM)
Isn't it obvious, camille? The one twue... I mean true... way is for there to be helpless submissives and powerful dominants. Otherwise, what you're doing isn't real, or doesn't count, or whatever else someone wants to claim. I'm surprised you didn't already know that, considering how often it's discussed on these boards. [;)]

HottLicks -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 12:52:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: camille65 quote: ORIGINAL: HottLicks Don't let the bugs get to you, squash them. Really, I do understand that you are doing far more than complaining here! You are concerned about a lot of things and I would agree with you. What are they doing to the submissives they have contact with? Of course I think like that a lot, but at the same time, we have to consider that the submissives have a role in it too and they must be healed, educated or whatever so that they don't fall into the hands of idiots. But having said that, I must say that most the submissives I know would not fall into the hands of one or one's such as this. It happens a lot, but maybe not as much as we might fear it does. We can't save the world, but we can try to make it a better place one relationship at a time. Thanks for your post. It is nice to know that others are concerned with these things. Maybe someone who reads it will relate somehow. Why is it assumed that the poor deluded, naive sweet & innocent subbie hasn't the capabilities of taking care of themselves instead of needing a rescuer from the dreaded and dasterdly doms? Please read what I wrote again. I in no way feel that the majority of submissives or anyone else are in that state. I think it happens mostly with new submissives or young ones. I did address that in my post. If you want to nit pick me, I am sure give you plenty of ammo for just that, but I do try to cover my butt but even still... I am human and words can be twisted. I in no way think that or live that. Why not try to get to know me before you decide you do?

camille65 -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 12:53:37 PM)
Um hello? Please jump off that assumption. I was agreeing with you. Jeez. Added: If you look, the OP has started a couple of threads about how things are not running to certain specifications. I am sorry you totally mistook my words.

mnottertail -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 12:54:07 PM)
General reply Yeah, I believe everybody oughtta take a sweet suck of my dick, those who don't wish to play in that sandbox should leave the lifestyle (like there is one) because it gives us all a bad name........ Tough cookies, get over it and and don't post this sort of thing here. I post stuff like this or the loser wanna be slaves and it immediately goes to polls and random stupidity. How is this any different? You are giving us a bad name by whining --- STOP IT! Ron

HottLicks -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 12:56:26 PM)
I'm sorry, maybe I am missing something, but I re-read what you said and I can't understand it any other way than the way I took it. Could you explain it to me?

bandit25 -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 12:59:09 PM)
LOL! Line forms behind me.

camille65 -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 12:59:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HottLicks quote: ORIGINAL: camille65 quote: ORIGINAL: HottLicks Don't let the bugs get to you, squash them. Really, I do understand that you are doing far more than complaining here! You are concerned about a lot of things and I would agree with you. What are they doing to the submissives they have contact with? Of course I think like that a lot, but at the same time, we have to consider that the submissives have a role in it too and they must be healed, educated or whatever so that they don't fall into the hands of idiots. But having said that, I must say that most the submissives I know would not fall into the hands of one or one's such as this. It happens a lot, but maybe not as much as we might fear it does. We can't save the world, but we can try to make it a better place one relationship at a time. Thanks for your post. It is nice to know that others are concerned with these things. Maybe someone who reads it will relate somehow. Why is it assumed that the poor deluded, naive sweet & innocent subbie hasn't the capabilities of taking care of themselves instead of needing a rescuer from the dreaded and dasterdly doms? Please read what I wrote again. I in no way feel that the majority of submissives or anyone else are in that state. I think it happens mostly with new submissives or young ones. I did address that in my post. If you want to nit pick me, I am sure give you plenty of ammo for just that, but I do try to cover my butt but even still... I am human and words can be twisted. I in no way think that or live that. Why not try to get to know me before you decide you do? Okay. If you read your words that I put in red and bolded you will see the coorelation between that and my post of 'why do the submissives have to be idiots'.

sachiaiko -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 1:02:16 PM)
:laughs: Firstly, i dont think subs are weak, or worthless. And we all know most of us Doms dont want doormats, and say that regularly. But there ARE some subs who are new and some subs who are so desperate to get needs met they jump in without thinking. If you think my concern is whinning, well, thats your choice. But you could also look at my post as genuine care for folks besides myself, which is in fact what it is. I dont care about myself, i can kick back the idiots who email me, block them, or ignore them. But i do feel the need to state what i stated because it is a real and genuine concern and problem. You can do with that what you will. Its really quite funning that you call this whinning. What arrogance. :chuckles and shakes her head: good god. No wonder so many subs come to me with HORRIBLE past experiences, if a kind not like the one i wrote is responded to with such idiocy. :chuckles again and snorts: I dont care about covering my ass. I care about having safe interactions with people, not for me cause i can take care of myself, ad not for all subs who can care for themselves, but definately for the folks who just simply dont yet know what is safe, and what is not. What is real and what is not. Not everyone has been in the D/s world long enough to know these things. Its no slight to those who dont need the knowledge. Sad that some folks are so limited as to assume that is the case. Mistress Sachi

HottLicks -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 1:03:37 PM)
There is nothing wrong in wanting things a certain way... expressing it might be a problem as seen many times on these boards. How we express it is also another matter. lol Because I want it and agree to it doesn't give my whole outlook on things. I understand the motivations and frustrations of the woman that started the thread. Do I agree in how it is expressed? Well... that is debatable. But I am not up to or in need of a long dispute.

HottLicks -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 1:05:34 PM)
camille65, Thank you. I am sorry there was a misunderstanding and for my part in that.

camille65 -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 1:08:23 PM)
Ohgosh really not a big deal. It happens, it will happen again because it is way easy to do! [:D]

bandit25 -> RE: A note to fellow Dominants (mostly the males) (9/28/2007 1:10:32 PM)
Awwwwwwww Doing the happy dance[sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif]

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