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MaamJay -> RE: new experiances (9/29/2007 12:38:53 AM)
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Think carefully about your safety and Hers! First real time meet should be a coffee meet or similar in a public place. Be on time, and use the time to assess Her while She is assessing you. Does She "fit" with what She has already told you about Herself? What is Her manner? Is She calm? Relaxed? Can you and She talk about different things? Share a joke or laugh? Do you feel at ease in Her presence? (Don't confuse the tingly excited "wow this is a real Domme" feeling with a genuine feeling of "something's not quite right here"). Generally a good coffee meet progresses from general everyday chitchat to a discussion of what a first play session might involve, the potential use of safewords, what aftercare She provides, how long She expects you to be in attendance, and what follow-up does She want/provide in the days after the scene. After the coffee meet ... DON'T play right away, have some "cool down and think about it" time.
If it progresses to a play date, then have a safe call in place, and revise what was discussed about safewords, types of play, aftercare and follow-up. Be on time, be polite, respectful, possibly be prepared to provide domestic service if that is what She wants, it's not necessarily all about what She does to you! Don't rush away (unless there is some major problem!), She should have allowed time after play is over for a chat, time to come back to earth, possibly some refreshment. Don't plan to do anything really critical (such as a job interview, working with dangerous equipment etc!) after a play session as your brain may not be entirely "with it" again. A responsible Domme won't even let you drive until She is sure you are sufficiently grounded again to not be a hazard to yourself or others.
Obviously you need to think about your own safety as well as preferences in terms of play activities. I don't generally do restraint bondage on a newbie as that can make people panic ... however a nervous petite Mistress might not feel comfortable with an unrestrained male. It's worth your while to make Her feel safe with you as much as you with Her. I do impact play such as spanking and flogging early in the scene so I can see how someone's skin responds (how red it becomes, how quickly it fades) during the rest of the scene. I tend to avoid anything the newbie has identified as "edgy to them" eg I wouldn't do anal play on someone who was very nervous about it ... I'd save that for a subsequent session when trust has been built up. It's important in your initial discussions to give Her all the information you can about your feelings regarding certain activities and any that might trigger undue nervousness or panic in you. A good Domme will leave you wanting more and feeling you could have taken more ... excited but not overwhelmed. After all, there's plenty of time, don't have to do everything at once!
Good luck, I hope it works out for you!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]
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