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punishment - 9/30/2007 3:01:00 PM

serisa

Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline

can someone please help me out here. obviously punishment seems common place in D's but i keep reading some stuff like punishment has no place in a loving D's relationship. it is the Dom/Master who refines the submissives behaviour not the punishment so there is no place in this type of relationship (loving caring D's lifestyle relationship i presume) other than in the form of erotic punishment.
so is this just an opinion ie each Dom decides for himself what that particular relationship should be like? do lots of Doms disagree with this type of statement?
is there a difference between D's lifestyle and other types of D's relationships?
if anyone can clear this up for me greatly appreciated. thank Y/you

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RE: punishment - 9/30/2007 3:08:07 PM

kirii

Posts: 79
Status: offline

Hello serisa
Let me start by saying that what I put here reflects my thoughts only, they do not represent any others.
First, I would have to ask you to define what you see as a D/s relationship; in detail.
Second, I would ask you to define what you see as punishment.
How you answer these questions yourself will determine the answers to the questions that you posed.
I know it is not the answer you were looking for, but until you can define these for yourself, no answer given to you by a general population will help you in understanding.

(in reply to serisa)

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RE: punishment - 9/30/2007 7:20:19 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa
so is this just an opinion ie each Dom decides for himself what that particular relationship should be like?

Pretty much. We agreed on our punishment dynamic as a couple when we were making the shift to a 24/7 relationship.

quote:

do lots of Doms disagree with this type of statement?

Some dominants punish, others don't.

quote:

is there a difference between D's lifestyle and other types of D's relationships?

Yes but no relationship is better. In a non-d/s relationship, if I don't feel like getting up I tell him to fuck off, he can get his own beer. In my d/s relationship, I tell him to fuck off but get him his beer anyway.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to serisa)

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RE: punishment - 9/30/2007 7:31:30 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

There isn't one rule or way that works for everyone. Everyone has their way of doing things, whether it be punishment or anything else. A relationship in this lifestyle is a mutual one. It isn't one sided. You have to find someone compatible with your own views on things to make it work.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to serisa)

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RE: punishment - 9/30/2007 9:52:41 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Serisa, the best thing to ask is- which types of relationships seem to work long term and most fulfilling, and which will best serve me?

Punishment gets a lot of attention- but does it get a lot of success?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

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RE: punishment - 10/1/2007 4:51:00 AM

Daddyskittin

Posts: 58
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Serisa, the best thing to ask is- which types of relationships seem to work long term and most fulfilling, and which will best serve me?

Punishment gets a lot of attention- but does it get a lot of success?

What LA said... to use my relationship as an example... my Daddy and I have been together for 6 years now... and punishment has never been a part of our relationship... I've seen quite a few relationships begin with punishment as a part of it... and it's been all hot and great for the people involved in the beginning... but I've yet to see one last that had regular use of punishment especially physical forms of punishement.

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: punishment - 10/1/2007 6:57:28 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

In theory he has the right to punish me. In actuality it is unhealthy for me and our relationship. The focus of our relationship isn't service or obedience, it is emotional transparency. He wants me to be totally open with him, to feel free to say anything, to share every piece of me that is scared, lonely or anything else. He wants me to come to him when in need.

Punishment prevents that. After punishment I put up walls of defense. I become afraid to do anything without direct orders of a degree of micromanagement that he dislikes giving and I dislike getting. I become afraid to do anything or say anything for fear of it being wrong, and of being the subject of his disapproval whether it be a spanking, lecture, him walking away for a time etc. In order to not do anything wrong, I seeks things to do that keep me out of his presence.

Obviously if I don't want to talk to him and don't want to be with him, then we wouldn't have much of a relationship. So we do things that may not sound as hot but work a lot better for us.

(in reply to Daddyskittin)

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Post #: 7

RE: punishment - 10/1/2007 8:25:12 AM

EclipseAbove

Posts: 220
Joined: 8/11/2005
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I really think it depends on the people involved. I'm a firm believer that punishment (not erotic play-punishment) is not the most effective way to change behavior. When my slave and I first started 24/7, I used non-punishment methods like discussions to correct her behavior. It didn't take very long for both of us to realize that for her, this simply wasn't working. We went through several different methods and eventually she suggested that some times the only way to make an impact on her was to use some form of physical punishment. So, I added paddling and it has worked well. But even though it has worked, I still don't think it is the effective method except in rare cases.

(in reply to Celeste43)

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Post #: 8

RE: punishment - 10/1/2007 8:26:46 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

Do you need to be punished?

And does he do it for you-or for his ego?

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RE: punishment - 10/1/2007 9:11:36 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

It depends on the relationship and what both want and agree to. You can get lost in definition battles and what other people call and do in your relationships. The fact is some loving relationships have punishments and some do not. Even the ones that do have punishments they are not necessarily done for every offense.

For example, me and my Master we both want a significant power exchange relationship that includes them. We have spent the past year getting to know each other and learning what works and what does not for each of us to be comfortable and productive with this aspect of our relationship. For example, if I am not in a proper attitude situation I want immediate quick physical punishment because that works best for me personally. When we first got together that is something he thought was a thing a person does not do. We had to learn what was best for us.

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I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to serisa)

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Post #: 10

RE: punishment - 10/1/2007 9:49:58 AM

Koala

Posts: 63
Joined: 5/5/2007
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It's negotiated, like everything else in any relationship. You find the dynamic that works for both of you. If it only works for one, it probably won't pan out in the long term.

It shouldn't be difficult to find like minded people on here, regardless.

(in reply to toservez)

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Post #: 11