Losing Hope.... (Full Version)

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looking4truth -> Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 11:06:17 AM)

Ok...so I am new here and I am trying to really find out how many people have actually found anyone who are who they say they are. How long has it taken some of you to find real people and has anyone found a real relationship of substance via this medium? It seems that so many here ONLY equate D/s with SEX...it's so much more....and I wonder if I am the only one who thinks this. Am I the only one who is near giving up the search? Having faith and hope seems more difficult each day...well..thanks for reading. Have a wonderful day!
....Losing hope in NY.



MstrHellsFury -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 11:21:56 AM)

have patience...I've been on the site for what seems like forever, but it's only been several months, and I've experienced the same feelings as you...but I've been encouraged to hang in there because there is someone for everyone and this medium gives a wide exposure and if it's going to happen it will...if not here maybe through a contact made here...after all friends are always welcome...share ideas and experiences and who knows...

Fury



Domin81 -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 11:48:00 AM)

Yes, some people make a meaningful connection from sites like this. But it is the same as any other venue...you have to kiss a lot of frogs. It takes awhile, and in your profile, you admit that you are looking for the needle in a haystack. The man you are seeking to find is not plentiful in our population base. What you don't say is what other avenues you are following to 'promote' yourself. Complete your profile here (consider a picture) then list profiles with other bdsm sites and initiate contact with men who's profiles attract you. More importantly get out into your local kink community, make friends and meet people. You don't have to be a 'player' to attend munches. Over time things will happen.



wednesday -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 12:09:46 PM)

I found my boyfriend through a different site. I think the key for me (I can't speak for other people) was that age-old caveat - "you'll never find it if you're looking for it."

When I started talking to him, I was just TALKING. I didn't even intend to be close friends, at first. But because I wasn't searching for those things I need/want, we were able to talk about anything, everything. Because I got to know him as a man first (and a sadist later), I knew I had met someone worthwhile.

So yes, the medium works. It's just the approach that needs tweaking.



stormsfate -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 12:15:33 PM)

Everyone I have become involved with over the past 12 years have been exactly who and what they said they were. I was with those who brought me into this lifestyle for well over a year, and with my owner now for over nine. Vision has been with us for almost a year. Beyond that, I have made numerous friends online...most of whom I've come to know in real life as well. I know I have been very fortunate.

The only thing I could suggest is taking your time when getting to know someone. Don't let that new relationship energy prevent you from seeing characteristics in a person that are unacceptable to you. Its hard when you want something so bad to not quickly say to yourself...oh this may be the one. If you can take your time and watch them over time and not let yourself get too involved to see the situation clearly, it will probably help.

All that being said, sometimes NOT looking is when things happen. I was taught that when a student is ready a teacher will appear. I do wish you the best in finding what you seek.


best regards,
fate






brightspot -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 12:30:04 PM)

Hello looking,

I met my Domina on-line, not at this site, but a more
racey vanilla site.
We talked for a few months and then she came to meet me.
We have been together now about a year and a half.
She turned out to be a lot more wonderful than I expected.
So it can happen, it does happen, it can be better than possitive.
You will eventually find good people and maybe even the Special
one for you.

Best Wishes, Be Well.....

*Brightspot



looking4truth -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 1:21:21 PM)

Thanks everyone for your replies.....I'll keep your words in mind and perhaps try to work on my inner hope..meanwhile....I wish you all the best...funny how words from stangers can help sometimes.




feline -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 1:31:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: looking4truth
How long has it taken some of you to find real people and has anyone found a real relationship of substance via this medium?


Yes, I have. Seems like it took forever. [&:] But realisticaly it was about 4 years. But it was well worth the wait.I wouldn't have said that then, but I can say it now. He is everything I was looking for and then some!

quote:

It seems that so many here ONLY equate D/s with SEX...it's so much more....and I wonder if I am the only one who thinks this.


No you're not the only one that thinks that way. Sometimes . . . it just seems that way. We're here! [:)]


quote:

Am I the only one who is near giving up the search?


Don't give up the search. I know it seems hopeless at times but in the end, it will all be worth it. (easy for me to say lol)

Good luck to you!



[image]local://upfiles/17000/2CC0F6B8427F4E89990A47EB3D68EE95.gif[/image]



sudja -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 1:50:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: looking4truth

Ok...so I am new here and I am trying to really find out how many people have actually found anyone who are who they say they are. How long has it taken some of you to find real people and has anyone found a real relationship of substance via this medium? It seems that so many here ONLY equate D/s with SEX...it's so much more....and I wonder if I am the only one who thinks this. Am I the only one who is near giving up the search? Having faith and hope seems more difficult each day...well..thanks for reading. Have a wonderful day!
....Losing hope in NY.


I wasn't looking - but did happen to find my Mistress online. Not here, but on the chat server of that place that this site blocks even the merest mention of (which I find most amusing, I might add).

There are real people out there, but you will have to cut through a lot of chafe to find 'em.

sudja




Hissweetshiv -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 1:57:09 PM)

Don't give up! I have to agree that the best way to find "the One" is to quit looking... perhaps because then you aren't on the hope and disappointment roller coaster and it's easier to be objective. But there are honest people on the net, as with anywhere else. It's just a matter of finding them. Master and i were chat buddies for 18 months before we started thinking about being a couple... and i ended up moving 2500+ miles to be with Him. The truth(ful people) is(are) out there!



beachdominant -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 2:01:18 PM)

Hi, don't give up!!!!! You are indeed looking for a needle in a haystack but once you have found it you will be very happy having had all the patience you need. Finding the real one, the one you conect to is not as simple as you think because after all this is bdsm, a more intense way of living than the vanilla world.

I'm aware of a lot of people who are playing games or faking. By asking the rigth questions you will discover pretty soon who is genuine and who is not. Only focus on the genuine ones and you will finally meet the right one.

Good luck in your search, take your time and go for the one you feel is truly truly right and deserves your respect and choise.



BeachMystress -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 2:11:58 PM)


I've met quite a few people from this site and very few have misrepresented themselves. However, they sometimes ended up not being what I thought their profile said they were. We add our own interpretations and experience to what we read. We make assumptions. We hope the person is what we want them to be. Things are easier when you meet people in a real time environment and have actual examples of who they are.

I wish your profile had the part of New York you live in listed. You can list your county rather than your city if you don't want to pinpoint yourself closely. You'll attract more local people that way.. and more to the point, I'd be more likely to direct you to a local munch. All I can do is give you some New York links and hope one of them is close to you or has a link to a munch/group close to you.

http://www.domsubfriends.com/
http://www.applemunch.org/
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/
http://www.albanykink.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HVLOL/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HVds/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MAsT_MetroNY_announcements/
http://www.nybondageclub.com/
http://www.rks-society.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Utica_Kink_Society2/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/westchesterbdsm/

If you're not familliar with what a munch is, read http://www.soj.org/articles/A%20Beginners%20Guide%20to%20BDSM%20Munches.htm

I met my husband at a play party for a local munch group. I'd given up on subs, since no one ever seemed to be what I needed. I'm so thankful I got involved with the group and found my match/mate.



MistressFire70 -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 2:48:55 PM)

I met someone from collarme who did end up being quite sincere. we weren't a match, but it wasn't because of him being fake. Just think of it as picking through a bag of jelly bellies to get your favorite flavor. LOL

Fire


edited for spelling!



Faramir -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 2:53:41 PM)

I met several sincere people at b.com who were essentially who they said they were - just not matches.

I finally found my slave there, so it is certainly possible. It may just take some time.



anthrosub -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 3:04:54 PM)

I've been looking for over 4 years. Unfortunately, most of the people I've been in contact with have turned out not to be quite how the profile initially impressed me. It's not that they were misrepresenting themselves, it's simply the nature of dealing with words. Once on the phone, it became much easier to get a sense of their personality (still not the same as meeting in person but much better than the written word alone).

Most of the profiles I'm drawn to usually are located on the other side of the world so that's another problem to deal with. I live in the DC Metro area...millions of people around me...but obviously not very many are members of Collarme, so it will take some other avenues to meet people. I'm here mainly to interact with others on the boards. If someone contacts me, I respond...you never know.

anthrosub



Misstoyou -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 3:14:14 PM)

Actually, I can ditto what Faramir said with regard to this site, as it's the only site I'm on. It's been sad to notice, though, that some of them who happened not to be my match did give up on this site.

Don't give up hope. I did meet my sub through this site as well. Every so often there is syncronicity.



FangsNfeet -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 6:49:50 PM)

I started making friends from the get go when I first joined CM. I meet Dame Darkness, MichellefromHell, and a few others from Houston. I also met my now submissive LilTXsubby in which our first meeting happen one month from chatting with each other. She is now collared to me and we will be living together starting Aug 15. Knowing that she is going to be the first thing I see when I wake up and the last thing I see before I fall asleep has made me happier than I've ever been in a long time. Me and all my friends are deffinetly people of substance.



sub4hire -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 7:17:31 PM)

It took me 5 year's. Lots of frogs...well all frogs. I gave up. I had ads all over the place, the one thing about ads are. Those people are lonely and desperate. I didn't want someone like that. I wanted someone compatible with me.

I met him in a vanilla chat room. If I were looking today...I don't know that I would place a lifestyle ad.

Just be patient. I know it is hard but once you find the right person the wait will have been worth every minute.



pinkpleasures -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 8:26:28 PM)

Losing hope is not just about being on CM..or in a munch..or r/l vs online...it's about whether you feel God (or whatever you believe in) has planned/will answer your prayers for a Dom or Master of your own. (Or the flip side, if You are a Dom or Master, searching.)

Lots of people have a crisis and consider giving up. Most, like me, cannot face going back to vanilla, so what we are actually saying is, i will always be alone. That's quite a statement of intent; usually it comes after some especially bad interaction(s) with men..lying, etc.

It took me awhile to grasp that i should not give my desires and dreams away because of any man, no matter how ill-used i felt. It took awhile longer to feel safe enough to say i was willing to wait as long as i needed to; i felt somehow when my one year anniversary on site arrived that i had failed. Now i think the failure would lie in withdrawing and not trying anymore.

i have no idea if i will ever find Him. i want a great deal and have often been told my standards are too high. But i see no sense in getting into a relationship where my needs are not met, so leave my standards where i think they need to be, for me.

In the meantime, i have made some wonderful friends..people i am very happy having in my life. Great men and women whom i admire and who have been so generous to me. If i get nothing else, i have already succeeded.

pinkpleasures



proudsub -> RE: Losing Hope.... (7/24/2005 8:48:14 PM)

The following forum has successful CM meetings:

positive experiences



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