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When is enough ... enough - 9/30/2007 4:16:17 PM

mydestiny2043

Posts: 714
Joined: 10/15/2005
From: Southern California
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Greetings,
Although I have been around for awhile now and I rarely post due to the either my lack of knoeledge on the subject or my lack of expierience so I don't feel qualified.But the past few days there have been posts re "Ethical sadism" and about the word "sadism" and there have been posts that have made me rethink my opinion on the subject.My question is this, when is enough enough?One of my greatest fears about S&M play is that if I let myself go where would it end? would I end up being someone that would need to go deeper and deeper in order to feel that rush to the point that it is the only way I could feel anything ?I know everyone has their limit,but if by that time you actually need the same amount or greater intensity to get to that space in time .Would one then just stop at that point and still be content?Especially knowing it's the intensity that brings you to that point.I think this is what scares me the most getting to that point where I can't go back but scared to death to go further and most of all when would enough be enough?I apologize if I rambled as I'm not eloquent in my writings
like most on these boards.But I truly am interested in others thoughts not just sub/slave but Master/Dom as well.And if I have offended anyone in the process that was not my intent.

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Fate determines who will come into your life...................
You decide who stays,and who goes !!!!

Post #: 1

RE: When is enough ... enough - 9/30/2007 4:24:32 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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well give this some real thought before hand...where does it end for you? for me i wont engage in any play that with give me anal leakage...i dont want to grow old shitting my pants...

as far the deep emotional stuff goes....youll dive deep for a bit, then youll mellow out, then it will be time to dive deep again...trust your body, trust your partner and trust the process....lots of trust i know....but i honestly dont think this a good lifestyle fit for folks with poor judgemnt and trust issues.

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Post #: 2

RE: When is enough ... enough - 9/30/2007 4:36:00 PM

mydestiny2043

Posts: 714
Joined: 10/15/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline

Thank you for your responce, and I agree this isn't the lifestyle for those with poor judgement.

_____________________________

Fate determines who will come into your life...................
You decide who stays,and who goes !!!!

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 3

RE: When is enough ... enough - 9/30/2007 4:47:49 PM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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There are many methods for inducing pain that are neither life-threatening nor injurious to regular bodily functions, yet are excruciating and can go on for extended periods of time.

I seriously doubt a lifetime is sufficient time to grow so accustomed to these methods that they fail to do the job, regardless of how much time is spent doing them.

While many people associate increasing levels of pain with increasing risk of death or serious injury, the truth is the body is quite capable of experiencing exorbitant amounts of pain without any danger to life or limb.

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When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

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Post #: 4

RE: When is enough ... enough - 9/30/2007 5:30:54 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
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I think that the main difference between "ethical sadism" and the sadism so commonly associated with mass murderers is that ethical sadism is something that has been tamed. The person in question has come to terms with the fact that the beast is in there, recognizes that society and common sense dictate control over said beast, and as a result can keep themselves in check. They are in a right state of mind, they can say "This is going too far," or barring that, can rein the beast back in when a negative indication from their partner is given.

Going to steal a song title here and refer to them as "Super Sadists," a.k.a. Jeffrey Dahmer and BTK, did not exhibit control over their beast. Clearly they knew it was there, but never put forth the effort to control it, society and morals be damned. They lacked that internal compass, or on/off switch that sent the warning signals when things got too crazy, and as a result, their sadism was an addiction running rampant. What started off as just a little bit soon was not enough to satiate their appetites, and eventually it became completely unchecked and ended in lots of dead and/or half-eaten people.

Just on a hunch I'm going to say that about 99% of the people here, yourself included, are individuals of good moral standing who know the difference between right and wrong, and therefore no matter how often the beast is let out, it's always on a short leash. In my opinion there is little to no danger of having to "up the ante," so to speak, when it comes to sadistic play.

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Post #: 5

RE: When is enough ... enough - 9/30/2007 5:35:12 PM

RRafe

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Joined: 8/29/2007
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I think induling in sensation play for it's own sake is asking for trouble. Too much of any one thing is obsessive.

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Post #: 6

RE: When is enough ... enough - 9/30/2007 5:37:45 PM

mydestiny2043

Posts: 714
Joined: 10/15/2005
From: Southern California
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Thank you Bobkin for your responce,but that's not exactly what I was getting at.For I'm pretty sure if it got to the point of that type of risk I
would seek phycological help if for no other reason my survival instinct would kick in.And I apologize for not expressing myself clearly enough to get my thoughts across.I'm going to think on this for a bit and retry,hopefully I won't have alienated readers to the point they won't respond.

_____________________________

Fate determines who will come into your life...................
You decide who stays,and who goes !!!!

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Post #: 7

RE: When is enough ... enough - 9/30/2007 5:58:58 PM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

I think induling in sensation play for it's own sake is asking for trouble. Too much of any one thing is obsessive.

Try finding a common, objective definition for "too much".

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 8

RE: When is enough ... enough - 9/30/2007 6:17:39 PM

westy2

Posts: 7
Joined: 8/21/2007
Status: offline

For me it was a matter of placing complete trust in my Master. Knowing He was aware of how much I could take and then taking me a step beyond that. There were times when His teeth sank into my muscle so deep, I did not think I could bear it........then I went into my zone...and it became intense pleasure and pain intertwined. I suspect He knew me better than I knew myself :)
Perhaps you need to continue your research!

westy

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 9

RE: When is enough ... enough - 9/30/2007 6:21:14 PM

honestsub4real

Posts: 22
Joined: 9/28/2007
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ChiaThePet is not here ??? lol

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Post #: 10

RE: When is enough ... enough - 9/30/2007 6:39:30 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

would I end up being someone that would need to go deeper and deeper in order to feel that rush to the point that it is the only way I could feel anything ?

What you describe here is a classic addiction scenario.

Can someone become addicted to kink? The human brain has shown a remarkable capacity to become addicted to just about anything--drugs, gambling, sex, even video games--so it's probably not impossible.

Ultimately, you have to be sure of your own reasons for indulging in kink. If you are getting into S & M play just "to feel anything", you probably need to take a moment to rethink things--doing anything just "to feel" is a thin and treacherous psychological foundation for pleasure.

Whether in or out of the lifestyle, ground yourself in things that are real--friends, family, relationships, even religion. Maintain healthy and positive connections to people who care about you and who will build you up as a person. A good circle of friends is your best defense against being drawn "too far" into S & M Play.

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Post #: 11

RE: When is enough ... enough - 9/30/2007 6:54:49 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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Joined: 10/1/2005
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All I can say is that in any and all things a sense of balance is of import..if you are generally a person of balance in life in general then it will be no different for you in kink..I recognise within myself a certain addictive personality trait(I am a cigarette smoker)..but the thing is..I recognise this and attempt to maintain balance..knowlege of self is most important...Tempting

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Post #: 12

RE: When is enough ... enough - 9/30/2007 6:56:06 PM

mydestiny2043

Posts: 714
Joined: 10/15/2005
From: Southern California
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Thank you pyrrsefanie for your responce and I guess I never thought about it in those terms to begin with.Meaning I never associated the two when it came to such indivudules as Jeffery Dahmer and others like them,I always grouped them in a class by their self as sick sociopaths the method in which they carried out such horrific acts didn't matter because they would adapt a method of killing regardless.Hope I'm making sense here.I also am not in the mindset that sadism is a beast you need to keep in check if you are a ethical moral person to begin with to me it's just a part of the many facets of your personality.But I can understand why some use that analogy of themselves and except it as their way of explaining that part of their personality so people like me can understand better.

_____________________________

Fate determines who will come into your life...................
You decide who stays,and who goes !!!!

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 13

RE: When is enough ... enough - 9/30/2007 7:10:39 PM

mydestiny2043

Posts: 714
Joined: 10/15/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline

Thank you RRafe for your response,this is more along the lines I was refering to.And what scares me.At what point does it become to much and obsessive?And if I get to that point of sensation play would that be the only thing I would respond to?

_____________________________

Fate determines who will come into your life...................
You decide who stays,and who goes !!!!

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 14

RE: When is enough ... enough - 9/30/2007 7:13:54 PM

BrutalMasterOne

Posts: 53
Joined: 4/8/2007
Status: offline

Your point is well taken and totally understood too. For most people this starts with fantasies, whether from things we have read, life, etc. It is fairly rare to KNOW that you need this at an early age. (I am an exception learning it at the age of 4 but that is a long story) The transition from fantasy to reality is a difficult one that is frought with many pitfalls etc. However, I had a slave who came to me (even though I am much older than she ever thought she would be happy with) because she found herself increasingly seeking out dangerous things. Meeting with men without knowing anything about them, etc. Yet she was powerless to stop herself.

What to do? Well she needed me and I her. You see with experience one learns all of the myriad things that can happen. For example she needs public humiliation and I give it to her (I like it too) without her having to fear consequences like arrest, etc. She has a need for pain, yet conversely hates getting it, yet the next day can almost orgasm looking at the marks.

The limits are those imposed upon her by the Master, and she needs to have faith (as you do) that the man will push her limits but always in safety. For example, I have the right to shave her head bald. She acknowledges that, but thought I would never do it for it might impinge upon her job. But she had one of her most violent and satisfying orgasms when I took out the razor, scissors and told her I was going to shave her....I gagged her because her pleading and begging was getting to be too much, so I went behind her, and cut a little bit of her hair, then showed it to her and explained I was going to do it a bit at a time....then I shaved a half inch square of her head UNDER her hair where no one would see it except her hair dresser. This gave her the thrill of what she needed without the danger in real life. Yet, she knows that I might do it again, and that if I wanted to I would shave her head.

The point I guess is bound up in what you first started to talk about "ethics" and how you find a man who has them is a mystery, just as it is difficult to find a "slave" who understand that word as I understand it...I hope I may have helped a bit. In summary you are not nuts, just very smart and looking for a place where there will be limits just not of your own choosing

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Post #: 15

RE: When is enough ... enough - 9/30/2007 7:15:46 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mydestiny2043

Thank you RRafe for your response,this is more along the lines I was refering to.And what scares me.At what point does it become to much and obsessive?And if I get to that point of sensation play would that be the only thing I would respond to?

Some of this only you will be able to answer. For myself, the moment the play becomes more about the sensation than the people I'm with, that is the moment it's gone too far.

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RE: When is enough ... enough - 9/30/2007 7:30:46 PM

mydestiny2043

Posts: 714
Joined: 10/15/2005
From: Southern California
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Thank you tempting for you just made me realize part of where my fear is coming from and part of what I wasn't communicating in my post(perhaps I need work in that dept)and the more I post thye better I will become.I to believe I have a addictive personality I use to drink and do drugs because of the high and thought the more I did the better I'd feel(needless to say that isn't how it works)and it took me awhile to figure that out.But it just dawned on me when you made that statement that that might be what is truly frightening to me.Thank you for bringing up an aspect I hadn't even thought of and it gives me a lot of food for thought.

_____________________________

Fate determines who will come into your life...................
You decide who stays,and who goes !!!!

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 17

RE: When is enough ... enough - 9/30/2007 7:57:32 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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mydestiny, I can tell you that in a sense, enough is never enough...but I don't think it's not enough in the same way that you are imagining it. What I mean is that I have found that I am always looking forward to the next experience, so in that way, no, enough is not enough. But that experience does not have to increase in intensity in a painful way to be equally fulfilling....or even surpass a previous experience. Each experience is unique and I enjoy them for what they are. Also, I have found (and I know that many will disagree with me) that there really is no building of tolerance. What I can tolerate today may not be as much as what I can tolerate tomorrow...or it may be far more than I can tolerate tomorrow. That factor relies upon many, many things that contribute. Current headspace, partner, atmosphere and the energy in it, physical condition....and many other things. Please don't believe that you will have to continually ramp it up to the next level in order to be equally satisfied...that simply is not true.

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: When is enough ... enough - 10/1/2007 11:10:25 AM

mydestiny2043

Posts: 714
Joined: 10/15/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline

Good Morning,
I just wanted to thank everyone who posted a response to my question,I really do appreciate everyones point of view.It's one of the great ways to learn and grow.

_____________________________

Fate determines who will come into your life...................
You decide who stays,and who goes !!!!

(in reply to mydestiny2043)

Post #: 19

RE: When is enough ... enough - 10/1/2007 11:13:01 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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well, do you think you could become so dependent on oxygen that you would have to keep breathing more to stay alive? It isn't as though you can't live without this stuff, it is just a more extraordinary life living with it.

No more, no less.

Don't worry, you will catch on fire, I warrant, but you won't burn up.

Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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Post #: 20

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