RE: Safe words

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Safe words

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Safe words

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Safe words - 7/25/2005 1:30:17 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

i had a safeword with my late Master but lik Oside girl my Master had a color system. Green meant i am fine please don't stop, Orange means it is uncomfortable or hurts but i can Mantain, and red meant if you don;t ease up i am going to use mysafe word. The closest he ever got was a high orange as i called it.

A safe word is just that there for safety. If it goes beyond SSC then a slave /sub has every right to use the word and not fele bad about it. i would think the Master would not give you one if he did not intend for you to use it if needed.

littleone

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Safe words - 7/25/2005 1:33:02 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hissweetshiv
My question is, do any of you ever use safewords? And if you do, do/did you feel guilty for doing so?

My answer to this is that I have used safewords with some partners and not with others. Most of the time it depends on the dynamic between us. If pushing me to struggle and resist and say no is part of the scene we've negotiated then yes, safewords work well, there.

With other partners, simple direct communication like 'too much', 'not there', 'please can you loosen the cuffs' works better.

For me it's not a hard and fast rule, but it's well-negotiated and clearly understood before we play.

Have I felt guilty, or upset for safewording...yes. But as most people here have said, my dominant told me he would have been disappointed if I had not used it. So, now, I accept that.

By the way, one partner was upset when I safeworded, claimed he'd never had a sub do that before and made me feel awful by adding, perhaps you just aren't as submissive as the others...

I showed him the door, and never played with him again.

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to Hissweetshiv)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Safe words - 7/25/2005 1:55:45 PM

tinkJH

Posts: 180
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline

I've given up my safe word, but Master has said it is still there if ever I need it. I have never used it.

If something is wrong, or seems wrong, or I am scared.. I voice it. I tell him that something is too tight, too intense, that I don't think I can handle anymore.. I don't need to safe word out because I know my Master knows my limits and would never push them beyond what he feels or knows I can handle. Always before trying anything new, Master sits and will discuss with me what will happen, address any concerns or fears that I have.

However, like I said - despite me giving it up and not using it. It is still there, for the times when Its quicker to use the safeword, when I need to him pause what he is doing immediatly so that I can explain what is happening or what I feel. Kinda like when someone says "Stop" as opposed to "Don't run into the road". Its more effective to say "Don't run into the road". yet, some times things happen when you don't have the time or availablilty to give any reaction but the "Stop", then explain.

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Safe words - 7/25/2005 3:39:32 PM

Lovinit

Posts: 21
Joined: 9/7/2004
Status: offline

Many replies are saying... "My Master knows my limits".

Masters are very good at pushing those limits and that is okay, but if your don't use your safe word or your body language, you could find yourself in danger.

A lot of this has to do with how we are feeling... Look at it from a different side. You have seen a sad movie 2 different times and it never effected you any different from the first time you watched it. You watch it one day and you bawl like a baby. You could have been in a sensitive mood, PMSing or something was eating at you. I have had days that I am not up to par and my Master asks me "What is wrong". I reply with "I don't really know". It isn't that we don't know.... We just don't know how to explain it. I have had those days. Thank Gawd... they DO pass!

Your body is the same way when feelings or nerves are not up to snuff. Use your body language to warn your Master that limits are getting close and if that doesn't work... USE that safe word. You may feel like your body language was there and it may not have been. Communication is the hardest thing when it comes to couples, think how difficult it can be for your body to explain.

Hope this helps...

Lovinit

(in reply to littleone35)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Safe words - 7/25/2005 4:56:20 PM

dominmd

Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Green--Yellow--Red system for me. Would I feel bad when topping if the safe word is used? Nope. I would want any sub to use it if she has reached her limits or wants things to slow down. CRAMP is the most universal safe word. And since cramps do happen, god knows they did when I have been a sub, tears and yelling seems to do the trick. That is why I think blindfolds and gags are not good when first getting together.

(in reply to Lovinit)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Safe words - 7/25/2005 6:28:32 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dominmd
CRAMP is the most universal safe word. And since cramps do happen, god knows they did when I have been a sub, tears and yelling seems to do the trick.

ROFL...Oh yes, I remember stopping a scene by yelling CRAMP! Damn, those things hurt! Nothing more annoying than the wrong kind of pain! LOL

It was my first bondage scene with a new partner and the swiftness he showed getting me out of that bondage was guite a trust-builder.

Of course Lawyer! is said to work well too. ::evil grin::
Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to dominmd)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Safe words - 7/25/2005 7:34:13 PM

dominmd

Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

Of course Lawyer! is said to work well too. ::evil grin::
Cin

ROFL. That is too good. Now I have tears for a whole other reason!

Wanna see how fast I move? Say RED. I have the EMT shears on my belt all the time during play. One utter and the ropes are gone. A break for as long as necessary. But the sub is out of ropes in less than a minute, no matter how well she is tied.

And then of course is the aftercare. I love to cuddle, so guess what I do to her?

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Safe words - 7/25/2005 7:47:09 PM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

Safe words, are form of communication. Tapping 2xs is a form of communication. Body language is a form of communication.

My Master and I have agreed on a safe word , we also have agreed that 2 taps from either of us is a signal to stop. During play he also makes himself very aware of my body language and facial expressions. Oddly enough hes even got my breathing patterns down. He sees the difference. Does he always see the change no, although he tries. That is why the safe word is there.

There are times we scene with others, when he allows another dominate to whip me ect. he is always there, always close to me. He says its so he can watch my expression. I enjoy pain sometimes to much.

And the reality is I think he doubts I would use the safe word. I have told him certain things hurt, in way that I truly do not enjoy. He allows me those things for now, although he slowly pushes those lines. However, like you I do feeling guilty for a bit when I can not do something because of the pain, or tap him. Why? Because, in my mind I am not pleasing him. Yet, he tells me other wise and we move on.

A friend told me this awhile ago. Your Owner is to protect you, but how can he protect you from being hurt if we do not give them the tools to do so. Thatis what safe words or signals are tools to protect yourself during scenes.

nika, Phoenix's deviant slave

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

Profile

Post #: 28