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Is it possible? - 10/1/2007 3:34:27 AM

MDTopCouple

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Joined: 6/19/2007
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My hubby and I had a long conversation this weekend concerning my identity as a switch. We debated some key points of the relationship and even threw out a few "what-if's". It was great fun, but please let me share the one that stuck with me:

What if a switch wanted to become completely a submissive again? Or a Dom a sub? Or any variation that your imagination can think of. Do you feel that a complete change of your identified role(s) can really be possible?

Thoughts?

-Daisy

_____________________________

No, no, never a submissive anything! I'm a fully qualified, radical Desperado.
-Anne Stevenson
In the world there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong nothing can surpass it.
-Lao Tzu

Post #: 1

RE: Is it possible? - 10/1/2007 4:13:15 AM

laurell3

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Of course. You will find many people on the forums that started in one role and changed to another. Is that a "complete change" or just recognizing something different about yourself? I don't know, but of course it's possible, almost anything is possible after all.
l

(in reply to MDTopCouple)

Post #: 2

RE: Is it possible? - 10/1/2007 4:18:33 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
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That depends on the person and occasionally on the person that participates in the relationship. A dominant dom will not change. A slave may top if ordered to do so, but will always be a slave.

(in reply to MDTopCouple)

Post #: 3

RE: Is it possible? - 10/1/2007 6:18:04 AM

onmykneesb4Him

Posts: 113
Joined: 8/28/2007
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It would be possible for some people. Not for others.

i've been submissive my entire life. That is what drew me to BDSM in the first place. For me, it would be darn near impossible to top anyone. Sir wanted me to flog Him once, just to see how i would do, and i couldn't do it. i was laughing and feeling incredibly out of place.

i know there are a lot of people on here that have switched or that are subs in their relationships and tops with others though.

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 4

RE: Is it possible? - 10/1/2007 6:27:23 AM

Celeste43

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From: NYS
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Of course, people grow and change. Things you loved years ago, you may no longer enjoy. And sometimes, being in a role (for lack of a better word) allows you to work through issues. So if you needed to dominate due to previous history where you were not permitted any control, you might find you no longer need total control once that inner need has been filled.

(in reply to onmykneesb4Him)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it possible? - 10/1/2007 6:30:45 AM

themischievous1

Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline

That's the trouble with living inside of the box; there's little wiggle room. Because of the incessant labeling of everyone and the defining down to its analytical core of what each label encompasses, we, under the D/s, BDSM umbrella have chained ourselves. It's really pretty silly, in my opinion, and easy to release ourselves.

First of all, realize that no one fits absolutely into the silly labels. Second of all, toss them all out except as a lose fitting garment that describes some of the things one might currently be into and make it clear that the label fits what you're into at the present time. Understand that people change and thus their needs and interests will also change over the long run. It happens to everyone and that's just a fact.

Now there is room for change and for growth. Color outside of the lines and embrace that growth. When we aren't forced to fit into the labels each one of us can be whatever we want to experience and explore as it becomes right for us to do so. Problem solved!

(in reply to MDTopCouple)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it possible? - 10/1/2007 7:07:25 AM

RRafe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MDTopCouple

My hubby and I had a long conversation this weekend concerning my identity as a switch. We debated some key points of the relationship and even threw out a few "what-if's". It was great fun, but please let me share the one that stuck with me:

What if a switch wanted to become completely a submissive again? Or a Dom a sub? Or any variation that your imagination can think of. Do you feel that a complete change of your identified role(s) can really be possible?

Thoughts?

-Daisy

Is it change-or acceptance?

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to MDTopCouple)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it possible? - 10/1/2007 7:11:58 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
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From: Maui
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quote:

Do you feel that a complete change of your identified role(s) can really be possible?

yeah for a time at least...i am a switch...but for me it seems its every couple of years somthing shifts inside me....i cant explain it, nor have i met any one esle who has the same thing, but that does not matter, its your body and your life and your heart....follow it.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it possible? - 10/1/2007 7:15:55 AM

DocRudy

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Joined: 9/19/2007
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Of course.

If a person can have a mid-life revelation and change their gender, changing roles in a D/s relationship can't be any more difficult. Particularly if you're only a switch to start off with.

-DR

(in reply to MDTopCouple)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it possible? - 10/1/2007 8:07:49 AM

LordVelvet

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DocRudy
Particularly if you're only a switch to start off with.

I am not sure what is meant by this statement but I think anyone can change. It could be D/s or regular life. People switch jobs, houses, having UM's, etc... All changes in your life. Just My opinion.
LordVelvet

(in reply to DocRudy)

Post #: 10

RE: Is it possible? - 10/1/2007 8:11:39 AM

DocRudy

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MDTC pointed out that she is currently a switch.

I submit that it's easier even for a switch to go full-time sub than it is for a dom/me to go all the way sub. It's a smaller jump, and being a switch naturally grants that the person already has experience with both roles.

Some dom/mes have little or no experience with being in a submissive role, however, and vice versa.

That's all I meant by that.

-DR

(in reply to LordVelvet)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it possible? - 10/1/2007 8:14:39 AM

LordVelvet

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Doc,
Thanks for clearing that up. I read it differently, I am glad I asked.
LordVelvet

(in reply to DocRudy)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it possible? - 10/1/2007 9:38:25 AM

Koala

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People change.

If your friends can't accept that, then they're probably not your friends. If you can't accept that, then spend some time considering.

(in reply to LordVelvet)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it possible? - 10/1/2007 11:52:02 AM

Tigrita

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Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
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I went from being one of the most sheltered, reserved people I know, truly affraid of new experiences, to one of the most adventurous, unabashed people I know in the space of a few years around the time I graduated college. I could see a D/s role shift, sure. Geeze, it is so futile to even define what our identities really are with these labels, I can certainly see different undercurrents coming out and taking over at different times in one's life. I think nearly everyone has dominant and submissive aspects of themselves, no one is 100% dominant (they all have some boss, or authority to submit to), and no one is 100% submissive (they all have to take some responsibility for themselves at some point in their life, and probably make important decisions regarding others too at some point).

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to Koala)

Post #: 14

RE: Is it possible? - 10/1/2007 3:45:55 PM

Stephann

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Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
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I'll bite the bullet here.

Had I met a brilliant, beautiful, and powerful dominant woman at the age of, say, 24, I'd probably be a slave today. I'm quite glad that I did not.

I think it's harder to 'flip' roles as one gets older; but I will say that I think it's not uncommon for a submissive woman to grow into a dominant woman over time, age, and experience (especially depending on the qualities of the dominant men she associates with.) I believe that men, being generally more sexualized in their positions, tend to be less likely to deviate from their 'chosen' D/s roles.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Tigrita)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it possible? - 10/5/2007 3:55:14 PM

MrScorpio28

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Joined: 9/30/2007
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My own personal thoughts. This of course is from a male's point of view.

I've changed back and forth several times over the course of my young life.

For me, it depends on the person I'm with. I mean, once roles are established I could never see changing the role with that particular person, but until those roles are established anything is possible. I.E. once I fall into the role of a submissive with a particular woman, I will always carry myself with that role. The same holds true though if I've fallen, accepted, or have committed to taking on a dominant role with a female. Now that role could be Master/slave/little boy/"Daddy"/and so forth, but once the *role* is established, it does not change for me.

Also, in my case, older females I tend to be more submissive toward and younger ones more dominant towards. That is partially from emotional patterning woven into me growing up: The oldest sibling or family member (of either gender) that was present was in charge and took care of the younger ones and it usually wasn't questioned. This happened more on an unconscious as opposed to spoken level, but it still happened.

This is what being a switch is all about to me. At my age now and this period in my life, I am far more seeking to be in dominant roles. In fact, I'm fairly certain that relationship wise that's what I'm really seeking. This is the reason I have myself listed as a dom and not a switch. Even so, if the right *OLDER* woman came along, sure I could take on a submissive role. I'm not actively seeking that though and, as such, is unlikely to happen.

Likewise, I've discovered that *most* women tend to prefer a dominant man on at least some level. I think that's true in or out of the BDSM world.

Now, with all that being said, I also want to make it clear that I am a person who, relationship wise, will commit myself to only one person. My heart/soul/etc belongs there. That doesn't mean I may not want to "play" or take on other roles. That's all fun from time to time.

I think that, from a psychological point of view, this question is great. I believe, and it's only a personal belief, but I believe that anyone can change any aspect of themselves anytime they want. Just amounts to claiming control over the mind.

~John

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 16

RE: Is it possible? - 10/5/2007 3:58:24 PM

HisCompletely

Posts: 53
Joined: 10/1/2007
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Be a Dominant and don't settle for less!

(in reply to MrScorpio28)

Post #: 17

RE: Is it possible? - 10/5/2007 4:00:55 PM

HisCompletely

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Joined: 10/1/2007
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Do what you are meant to do, do not ever change yourself for someone else. Being a man with feelings etc is ok, but never let that Dominance go, but also keep the feelings of a man.....................smiles, and you are ok :)

(in reply to HisCompletely)

Post #: 18

RE: Is it possible? - 10/5/2007 4:03:56 PM

HisCompletely

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Joined: 10/1/2007
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And this brings up a good point.............that i have always wondered about.......why is it that Dominant men think or feel that they cannot be "human" and have emotions etc at times? Why can't they be in control of submissives, yet be a man at the same time? Why is there that separation? I personally like both together.

(in reply to HisCompletely)

Post #: 19

RE: Is it possible? - 10/5/2007 4:54:07 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MDTopCouple

My hubby and I had a long conversation this weekend concerning my identity as a switch. We debated some key points of the relationship and even threw out a few "what-if's". It was great fun, but please let me share the one that stuck with me:

What if a switch wanted to become completely a submissive again? Or a Dom a sub? Or any variation that your imagination can think of. Do you feel that a complete change of your identified role(s) can really be possible?

Thoughts?

-Daisy

Yes/ I switch and I am both dominant and submmisive depending upon the chemistry and the role which fits with my partner(s)
The most complex relationships I have are with other sitches but I have friends in the lifwatyle who are predominantly one or the other role and I respect their complexity. That is not to say I respect a 'pure' dominant or 'pure sub' less.
I usually however an a constant role with a partner.....I have topped from the nottom when I have had the greater experience. I also prefer to be submissive to a man.

I cannot imagine 'becoming' fixed in one role. It's complex but role is as complex as orientation.

(in reply to MDTopCouple)

Post #: 20

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