How do you deal with PMT in female subs?

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How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 6:14:02 AM

submissfifi

Posts: 51
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

Hi,

Being a female sub with bad PMT, sometimes (ok a lot of the time) can result in me being nasty to the people I care about, at the time I don't know I'm doing it, and in my vanilla life people have commented on my PMT. So I do know its a problem, and I am trying to rectify it.

But if this was an on going problem for you, being on the recieving end what would you do with a sub?

I'm currently banned from contacting my dom because of this very problem, for two weeks, and if I do, all contact he has with me will be dropped. He has told me that I have been abusive more than once and that it is an on going problem. (I have agreed with him on this and apologised) This is also so I can sort my head out, aswell as learn the errors of my ways. I also find when I'm in this state, I don't realise for a while afterwards that what I've said is wrong and out of order, so apologises can take a while to be said. After all it is a hormonal in balance.

I know this is a section for masters, so really they may not be able to understand this next comment, but for me personally my PMT, is when I'm most insecure, down and emotional.

I would be interested to hear your views on this. Can some of you, ignore this kind of behaviour if a sub has very little control over it? or does that not matter and a puinshment happens regardless? Or are you sympathetic and more caring when you know that your sub is having such a rough time?

Post #: 1

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 6:27:14 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

I don't let my girls use their cycle as an excuse to act like a bitch towards me or anyones else. It you want to be seen as more then just your cunt then don't use it as an excuse. I personally would correct them for acting in such a way and if continued, I'd take it to mean that they didn't want to change the behavior and rethink about whether to be in a relationship with such a person.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to submissfifi)

Post #: 2

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 6:31:52 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

If it's bad enough that it's interfering with your life, friendships, relationships etc then it's bad enough to get treatment.

Go to a doctor. In the meantime you should try a no caffeine, low salt diet. That was prescribed for me years ago by a female ob/gyn and unfortunately it works. You may want to read up on Evening Primrose Oil also, haven't used it myself but it's widely recommended.

Myself, a person who will not get help for a treatable condition is a person I don't have time for. There is no reason for you to be hurting everyone around you when it is easily treated.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 3

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 6:38:04 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

In her post on the submissive forums she included this information:

"I suppose its because he has caught me off guard and my barriers where down. (I know I shouldn't have barriers) and I started to realise, scary that it is to me, that I really like him, even if I am an abusive sub. Regardless of kinky or vanilla relationships, I just don't let anyone get too close, I don't even let my family get close to me. So instead of being able to embrace this, I'm scared and I'm trying to fight it. Instead of telling him that he has really got to me, and how deeply I care for him, I'm rude and push him away. I really can't bare the thought of losing him either, and I feel I'm closing to letting this happen. Why can't I embrace this? Why can I just let him in? Why is it if I let him in, I worry he will reject me?

I find it hard to trust, to let my guard down, and to open up-all great things to have when wanting a bdsm relationship. Once I know this is happening, I'm quick to pull up the barriers and hide away. I'm gratefull that my dom has given me the space I need, which is part of this punishment, but just when I need him, I can't. "

I don't think the issue is PMS/PMT, it seems to be fear of being close, although that time of the month can make it worse.
l

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 4

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 6:38:38 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

I don't let my girls use their cycle as an excuse to act like a bitch towards me or anyones else. It you want to be seen as more then just your cunt then don't use it as an excuse. I personally would correct them for acting in such a way and if continued, I'd take it to mean that they didn't want to change the behavior and rethink about whether to be in a relationship with such a person.

I don't know how to explain it, but for some it is not that they don't want to change it is that they don't see it happening until afterwards. It can be literally uncontrollable. And it absolutely sucks to be trapped in it.
My cycle is so whacked that I don't realise it is PMT until my period physically starts, so I can't say 'oh it is the second week of the month-bingo!'. It can be 2 months, 3 or like at this moment almost 4 months! There is no way that I can track that.
It is actually going on now with me. I didn't know why I was reacting so abnormally til I realised my lower back was killing me.

< Message edited by camille65 -- 10/1/2007 6:44:53 AM >

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 5

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 6:42:56 AM

dollylima

Posts: 48
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: I also find when I'm in this state, I don't realise for a while afterwards that what I've said is wrong and out of order, so apologises can take a while to be said. After all it is a hormonal in balance.

If you are suffering from a hormonal imbalance so severe that it renders your perception of what is right or wrong that skewed, I think it would be in order for you to seek out treatment from a licensed medical practitioner.

quote:

I know this is a section for masters, so really they may not be able to understand this next comment, but for me personally my PMT, is when I'm most insecure, down and emotional.

We are responsible for our actions even when we are insecure, down and emotional. Seek out those who can help you to learn coping skills for when your thoughts and feelings make it difficult for you to interact in a healthy manner.

quote:

I would be interested to hear your views on this. Can some of you, ignore this kind of behaviour if a sub has very little control over it?

A person who is unable to refrain from abusive behavior (for whatever reasons) should probably work on ways to have control over her actions before she becomes involved in a relationship. Since you already are in a relationship, perhaps you could go to counseling together and work on ways that you both can maintain healthy communication during the times when you are not well. I don't think that punishment is the answer, but Im not your dom.

It sounds like this is something that causes you difficulty in your interpersonal relationships in general. I really do believe you would benefit from some counseling, possibly getting on some medication, and practicing coping skills so that you can interact in healthy ways with the people in your life.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to submissfifi)

Post #: 6

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 6:46:01 AM

themischievous1

Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

I don't let my girls use their cycle as an excuse to act like a bitch towards me or anyones else. It you want to be seen as more then just your cunt then don't use it as an excuse. I personally would correct them for acting in such a way and if continued, I'd take it to mean that they didn't want to change the behavior and rethink about whether to be in a relationship with such a person.

How interesting it will be when you start experiencing the male version of PMS/perimenopause/mid-life crisis and begin to have trouble with erectile dysfunction, irritability, hair loss, weight gain, and an abundance of other male oriented issues due to aging. When that happens in a few years, remember what you said here about being more than just your dick.

-snicker-

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 7

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 8:33:53 AM

tmo2

Posts: 18
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline

submissfifi,

If you are lucky enough like me to have a consistent cycle then track it carefully. Remind yourself during that time to that your perceptions are off and try biting your tongue before speaking. I know in the beginning of my relationship with my Master, I almost caused things to end because of hormones. I have learned since to write the things I am thinking and feeling during this time, I still give to him and he reads it and we deal with those issues that are true problems. I have also gotten to the point I tell him when that time is coming, I get the response at that point in other words take everything with a grain of salt. LOL. He knows I am working at it, but not always am I successful at controlling what I am feeling. Writing has allowed me to present my emotional state more respectfully, which I think is why when I do lose control he lets it slide.

Camille65,

I truly feel for you . No way to attempt to control things.

And not always can all take the therapies that medical community offer. So yes finding other ways to deal and not let it control you is always advisable.

(in reply to submissfifi)

Post #: 8

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 9:36:50 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44
I don't let my girls use their cycle as an excuse to act like a bitch towards me or anyones else. It you want to be seen as more then just your cunt then don't use it as an excuse. I personally would correct them for acting in such a way and if continued, I'd take it to mean that they didn't want to change the behavior and rethink about whether to be in a relationship with such a person.

First of all, if you knew absolutely anything at all about PMS, you would know it really has zero to do with anyone's "cunt," ok? Let's start there. Just because women are the one's who experience PMS and they are the one's who just happen to have "cunts," that doesn't mean one directly correlates to the other, ok? Stay with me here. For you or any other male to assume that women use it as an excuse is rather presumptuous. Sure, some do. Many do not. I experience it rather brutally for 2-3 days each month and, as Camille so clearly stated, sometimes I don't even realize it's upon me until other symptoms show.

For me, who is usually rather even-keeled personality-wise, it's a horrible time. I cry at the drop of a hat, I get irritated at things I normally would never blink an eye at or have a second thought about, etc. For someone who is usually a happy, positive person, it's hell to be trapped in such a state of mind. Fortunately for me, I am owned by a Man who understands what is happening and knows I'm not being a drama queen. He sees me the other days of the month and knows my behavior during these 2-3 days is not my choice and not typical of me. Therefore, during those couple of days, He understands if tears fill my eyes for apparently no reason or if I seem a bit "huffy" at times. He does not take it personally and He does not punish me for it. He also knows it has nothing to do with my "cunt."

"Correcting" me simply involves helping me survive it and being together so my mind can kind of refocus on Him and us and not on the negative emotions. We talk about how I'm feeling and He helps keep me sane until it passes. He knows I'd do anything to "change my behavior" so He helps me to do so. THAT'S taking charge of His property and not just expecting me to deal with it on my own.

It's kind of like this scenario to me: You buy a car that's near perfect in everyway except it uses a little oil. You know that it uses oil and you know that you sometimes have to add oil to keep things functioning smoothly. When it comes that time, you must do it. If you really like the car and plan to keep it long-term, you can't just sit back and think: "This car better handle things itself. I'm not into taking the time it takes to maintain it correctly." You know what would end up happening. Well, to me, it's kind of the same way with Master helping me when I need a bit of "maintenance." If all it takes to keep His property running smoothly and near-perfectly is a little extra TLC a couple days a month, He's very pleased and eager to do it.

Like you, I also have little patience for women who use PMS as some blanket excuse to be a twit. But I don't know many women who actually do that. It's something we have to suffer through. Be glad you don't............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 9

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 9:55:49 AM

EclipseAbove

Posts: 220
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline

Given the extra info provided by laurell3, I have to question if it is really PMS/PMT. But asuming it is hormone-related, I think you should consider seeking some form of treatment. My slave has tried a number of different treatements because quite often she would become very emotional and irrational and not even realize it until after her hormones returned to normal. For her, the medications out there (even the OTC ones) were way too strong and she would become like a zombie. She finally landed on a combination of vitamins and supplements that allow her to keep control. It still requires work on her part to not indulge her irrational urges, but the urges aren't as frequent and aren't overpowering any more.

(in reply to tmo2)

Post #: 10

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 10:01:42 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

He doesn't deal with it by ignoring me. But if ignoring you is his style, why not just stay away from him when your hormones start going crazy?

PMT is not an excuse for me to be rude to other people, owned or not. I have horrible moodswings while I'm having PMT. I understand how you feel, I think. You cannot control the crying hysterically over nothing parts. But I really feel that you always have control over the words that come out of your mouth, unless you give that control away to some sort of alcohol/drug. You can't control your feelings. You can't control the fact that the slightest thing irritates the hell out of you. BUT you can control how you handle yourself and the things that you say. Think before you speak, doubly so while your hormones are raging.

When hormones get the best of me, he treats it like he would any bad decision in our relationship I make. He gives his own input on the situation, talks about what should happen in the future, and corrects the behavior--be it verbal or physical.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to submissfifi)

Post #: 11

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 10:21:12 AM

leatherette

Posts: 255
Status: offline

Hi submissfifi:

That is something you can control. Control by nutrition, vitamins, supplements, herbs. All healthy!
You live in the UK? Great! I have heard that holistic physicans are well recognized and treatment readily available.

Take care -

(in reply to submissfifi)

Post #: 12

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 11:48:59 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

I don't let my girls use their cycle as an excuse to act like a bitch towards me or anyones else. It you want to be seen as more then just your cunt then don't use it as an excuse. I personally would correct them for acting in such a way and if continued, I'd take it to mean that they didn't want to change the behavior and rethink about whether to be in a relationship with such a person.

I don't know how to explain it, but for some it is not that they don't want to change it is that they don't see it happening until afterwards. It can be literally uncontrollable. And it absolutely sucks to be trapped in it.
My cycle is so whacked that I don't realise it is PMT until my period physically starts, so I can't say 'oh it is the second week of the month-bingo!'. It can be 2 months, 3 or like at this moment almost 4 months! There is no way that I can track that.
It is actually going on now with me. I didn't know why I was reacting so abnormally til I realised my lower back was killing me.

Yes..Its NOT an excuse...Its a legitimate condition, and only an uneducated ass would make the FALSE assumption that it is just "used as an excuse" If a Diabetic passout from off sugar levels would you say "Hey!..get off the floor you are just using that as an excuse" To the OP get your hormone levels checked as well.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 13

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 11:58:41 AM

TotalState

Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline

PMT or not, it always makes sense to be a little extra mindful if your sub is feeling tender or emotional. Unless that was something that was a part of the negotiation, of course (as many slaves seem to have in their agreements - to never let emotional imbalance affect their master).

However, as laurell3 says, I don't think this is a PMS/PMT issue. It's an issue of trust, openness and communication. And if you really get it that bad, you should be seeking medical help.

_____________________________

Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

(in reply to submissfifi)

Post #: 14

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 12:18:05 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TotalState

PMT or not, it always makes sense to be a little extra mindful if your sub is feeling tender or emotional. Unless that was something that was a part of the negotiation, of course (as many slaves seem to have in their agreements - to never let emotional imbalance affect their master).

However, as laurell3 says, I don't think this is a PMS/PMT issue. It's an issue of trust, openness and communication. And if you really get it that bad, you should be seeking medical help.

Now see YOU are the man....

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to TotalState)

Post #: 15

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 1:26:34 PM

Sabella

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

Pick up a copy of "What your Doctor may not have told you about Pre-menopause", Evening Primrose Oil & natural progesterone creme. Diet has a huge amount of effect on your hormones as well, specifically what you put in your body regarding soy and most processed food additives. This book goes into what you should be eating as well as exercise and stress coping methods.

Lashing out during this time (as others have said) to me is a sign of something beyond the hormones tho. You have other things to work on as well, in this "weakened" state those feelings can become intensified.

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 16

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 2:41:14 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Lashing out during this time (as others have said) to me is a sign of something beyond the hormones tho.

Well no...thats actullay a faslehood....hormones ALONE can cause that.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Sabella)

Post #: 17

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 3:00:18 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

I have to agree because that is the only time I lash out. It is not natural for me whatsoever and it's shocking when it happens.
Thanks for the book recommendation Sabella, I'm picking that up tomorrow.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 18

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 8:09:10 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Actually I tend to agree with Discipline. I know it's a problem that a lot of people have- but it's your problem to manage and deal with in the world. If it's bad enough that it interferes with your functioning, then you have to accept that it will obviously mean people won't be able to rely on you as much as you would if you didn't have that problem.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_875683/mpage_1/key_menstrual/tm.htm#875935
squick or squish (curious)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_718165/mpage_1/key_menstrual/tm.htm#718373
sex during heavy flow period

http://www.collarchat.com/m_684595/mpage_1/key_period/tm.htm#684607
Your slave and her menstruation

http://www.collarchat.com/m_606563/mpage_1/key_period/tm.htm#606939
Dealing with PMS as a sub

http://www.collarchat.com/m_502696/mpage_1/key_pms/tm.htm#502835
Menstrual Cycle...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_124443/mpage_1/key_period/tm.htm#124443
PMS and the submissive

http://www.collarchat.com/m_146172/mpage_1/key_period/tm.htm#146172
menstruation and sex

http://www.collarchat.com/m_222485/mpage_1/key_period/tm.htm#222485
should a sub be allowed

http://www.collarchat.com/m_420217/mpage_1/key_period/tm.htm#420217
period play?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_28039/mpage_1/key_pms/tm.htm#28039
serious question about pms

http://www.collarchat.com/m_366774/mpage_1/key_pms/tm.htm#366774
PMS from hell?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_166316/mpage_1/key_pms/tm.htm#166329
That time

The Rose Colored Week

How do you like your dom/master treating you on your period?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to submissfifi)

Post #: 19

RE: How do you deal with PMT in female subs? - 10/1/2007 9:16:09 PM

obis

Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline

I'm not going to accept my sub being "nasty" to me unless I deserve it. I'm happy to meet halfway on an issue and be patient, but there's no "oh, this is happening therefore I can be a total asshole" excuse.

If it's something you're simply unable to control, then some solution needs to be found -- hormone therapy, staying away, duct tape, whatever.

You certainly couldn't tell your boss at work that you're just going to be an asshole to every customer for several days every month and expect them to accept that as the final word on the subject. You need to offer solutions, even if it just to fill a position that doesn't require customer interaction for those days.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 20

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