allowed to ask questions..

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sultryvoice -> allowed to ask questions.. (7/24/2005 3:06:56 PM)
I need some help and input from people. I have been given carte blanche to ask a particular DOm questions, any questions. I need to know good question to ask to get to know someone, about the lifestyle, and all that entails. I have been thinking on this for over a week and I am not coming up with many questions. He said to ask about anything I want to know. I am just having a hard time coming up with them. Any help will be appreciated... Respectfully, sultry

oceanprincess -> RE: allowed to ask questions.. (7/24/2005 3:24:42 PM)
I would ask him things that I haven't asked my Dom, but here are some questions that I have asked him, and a few that I haven't, yet. If you could after your done asking maybe post his answers, that would be awesome. :) Here are my questions to help get you started: 1) How would you react if your sub feel in love with you and wanted to spend the rest of her life with you? 2) Would you be having a girlfriend on the side if we start playing together? 3) Would you have other subs too, or just me? (Some Doms have more than one sub.) 4) If I got pregnant, would you be there for me, support me? What would we do, keep it, etc.? 5) When I use my safewords, are you going to stop what we are doing completely? In other words, what do my safewords mean to you? (Because to some Doms, want-a-bee's, they don't listen, and safewords mean nothing to them, be careful of those guys. I have unfortunetly met one in my life.) 6) Am I going to be able to have a boyfriend/girlfriend if I want to? (Some Doms/subs get together to only play, and they have boyfriends/girlfriends on the side. This means that you play together, but you don't have a relationship. Having the relationship part of it, is so awesome. :) ) 7) Can I keep the friends that I already have, and be able to spend time with them sometimes, away from you? (Some Doms want to be able to have a say so in everything that their subbie's do, so be careful what you wish for when giving up everything for a Dom, because that means giving up friends and family too.) I think that's about it, for now. If you decide to get together with someone, I came up with some really interesting things to put in our contract. :) Like, being able to have a coffee from Starbucks when I want to. Also, I have control over my hairstyle, clothes, unless we are going somewhere nice, or we are playing at home, then it's up to him what I wear for him. But this way, he can't make me shave my head, lol. Hey, you never know... Good luck, and I hope that I could help you get a list started. ocean

sanita -> RE: allowed to ask questions.. (7/24/2005 3:53:10 PM)
one question i would ask, and have asked, is: "If i spoke to Your ex (be is sub or vanilla), what would she say is the reason the relationship ended?" there's not pat answer for that, but there is a chance to see if the Dom is willing to take responsibility for contributing towards a relationship. will you be able to ask questions any time? or is this a one-shot, ask-them-now-or-forever-hold-your-peace deal? i am always asking questions. luckily, i have a Master that has no problem answering them. even if the answer is that He will tell me later, or it is something i should drop. if you ask questions, be prepared for all possible answers, then you'll know if you really want to ask. good luck to you!

nenakajira -> RE: allowed to ask questions.. (7/24/2005 4:07:12 PM)
Hrmm... heres the questions I started out with once upon a time in a galaxy far far away and all that... 1) How long have you been in the lifestyle? 2) What attracted you to it in the first place? 3) How many other subs have you had and why did each relationship end? 4) Do you have any other subs now.. and if so do they know that we are talking? 5) Sexual likes/dislikes? (because lets face it.. if youre not compatible sexually but you want a sexual relationship.. it just wont work) and.. because i go for 24/7 ownership and not the playpartner thing..... 6) What are your favorite movies? books? bands? (If I have to sit through hours of country music and westerns.. Im not staying! lol) 7) How old are you? What do you do for a living? Is that the career you wanted or just something you fell into? 8) Do you do ceremonial training or do you have a more laid-back way that you prefer? And.. theres a million others.. but Im kinda brain fried right now. ciao nena{R}

stormsfate -> RE: allowed to ask questions.. (7/24/2005 4:24:36 PM)
Oh good lord...I wouldn't start out with anything like that. I would ask what his hobbies are, what he enjoys doing in his spare time, how long has he been at his job, do his bills get paid on time, what type of relationship does he have with his ex if he has one, does he see his unmentionables if he has any, how close is he to his mother....that sort of thing. Only after I knew he was the type of guy who has the characteristics that are important to me would I even start worrying about whether or not we were compatible in regard to this lifestyle. best regards, fate *Edited for typo

plantlady64 -> RE: allowed to ask questions.. (7/25/2005 6:03:17 AM)
Hello There, How about asking him if he's looking for poly relationships, or if things go really good for you if he's looking for a monogamous deal. Ask him what he considers his greatest strength is, and worst weakness. Ask him what's the worst mistake that happened in a scene with someone and what he did about it. Ask him what's his very hottest fantasy. Ask him what he's trying to accomplish in your relationship. Ask him what's the best most fulfilling scene he's had to date. Ask him what clothing turns him on. Ask him how often he would prefer to play if he had all the free time he wants. Ask him what's his favorite thing about you. And last but not least ask him what's his favorite part of your body and what he'd like to do with it. These are a few of the questions I've had the ability to ask my Master when we first got together, and they helped me a lot. Sincerely, sub suzanne

stjosub67 -> RE: allowed to ask questions.. (7/25/2005 6:30:22 AM)
It is very tough for me to do when in general and very difficult in sub mode probably because of my personality. Part of what draws me to the lifestyle is the ability to free the mind from those type of personal thoughts and concentrate just on serving. I can talk freely and intelligently on numerous topics but to be asked to question something or to be asked what I would like are emotional killers when serving. I would reccomend setting up specific time periods, weekly or daily where the D and you can set up an attsmosphere that would help you to do this. A sort of way to train you to ask questions.

imtempting -> RE: allowed to ask questions.. (7/25/2005 6:45:59 AM)
Im interested in your reply. Im not going to be sarcastic or have re-tort to your comments just wandering if you could go deeper with why you cant ask questions? Are you talking about online or offline? OR both?? Also since your in upper managment can you create a division in Australia and give me a job pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

sultryvoice -> RE: allowed to ask questions.. (7/25/2005 6:50:52 AM)
Thank you for all of your insight. It is helping me make some decisions and prompting my mind to write down questions.. Respectfully, sultry

Padriag -> RE: allowed to ask questions.. (7/25/2005 11:46:34 AM)
Being that one good turn deserves another, if it helps you any Sultry were I the dom in question I would consider any of the questions I've seen posted so far as good suggestions. I haven't seen anything posted I thought was too personal under the circumstances or which I personally wouldn't answer if asked. In fact some of the questions posted I have been asked in the past. I thought several of Oceanprincess' questions were pretty good (1, 3, 4, 5 & 7 specifically), both of Sanita's questions, all of Nenakajira's questions. Additionally Stormsfate makes some good points about asking about hobbies, what he does for fun (other than playing with subbies), etc were good (its good to know he has a life outside of BDSM). Plantlady came up with several telling questions as well that would reveal a lot about how a dom thinks regarding play and BDSM. Some other questions I would suggest are what are his goals in life, his ambitions, what were his dreams as a boy, have they changed and has he made any of them come true? Where does he see himself in 10 years... and follow that up with how does he plan to get there (lots of people have big dreams, very few have a plan to get there). I also would suggest taking a look at how he treats his car, his clothes, and his home; are they clean, neat, in good order or is everything going to hell in a handbasket, its an indication of how he treats ALL his property.

sultryvoice -> RE: allowed to ask questions.. (7/25/2005 3:29:30 PM)
Thank you for your input Padriag...I have looked closely at all of these and have come up with more of my own. It gave me the jumpstart to come up with what I believe I need.. Respectfully, sultry

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