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utter confusion - 10/1/2007 10:18:26 AM

sweetcreeangel

Posts: 70
Joined: 6/3/2007
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if you have someone in your life and you found that you can trust this person when you feel that you cant trust any one else do to the fact that you have trust issues.......would you allow someone else to come along and ruin it?
here's the thing,i met this wonderful Dom and before me there was this woman that betrayed His trust and she is now coming along and wanting Him back,doing everything she can to drive me crazy(or so it feels)Him and i have spoken about it more then once and He has told me that it is all in her head and that all He has to offer her is friendship.....yet if you were to hear her tell it,they are all but married but had a spat.....
it is taking a toll on me and is affecting my eating and sleeping........what do you think you should do if you were me?

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RE: utter confusion - 10/1/2007 10:21:38 AM

youngsubgeoff

Posts: 900
Joined: 9/25/2007
From: The Asylum
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Id recommend backing off from him for a bit. Let him try to work things out with this woman, then see where things go from there. Let him know you are only backing off until he resolves this problem.

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RE: utter confusion - 10/1/2007 10:26:48 AM

sweetcreeangel

Posts: 70
Joined: 6/3/2007
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hummmmmm that is true maybe i shall talk to him about this and tell him that and see if that would work

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RE: utter confusion - 10/1/2007 12:00:36 PM

toservez

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Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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All three of you are adults and responsible for all of your own actions. The scary truth to it is if he wants her back instead of you then that will probably happen.

All you can do is be yourself and keep an open mind and eye. If he plays both of you off each other then he is not the good man you think he is. If this is more on your end and dealing with insecurity and jealously then pushing the issue might very well drive him away.

Talk to him and explain how you feel which sounds like you might have already done. Try to take a step back of the situation and analyze what he is doing with her. It usually it pretty obvious if one’s are just friends or going another place. Friends tend to meet and call occasionally. People wanting more do more and it takes two to tango. Another person cannot force action on another if they do not want it.

If it looks like they are in fact exploring the possibility of getting back together then you need to let him go or give him a me or her ultimatum. Just before you do that make sure it is their issue and not yours.

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RE: utter confusion - 10/1/2007 9:37:14 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Again- what she said.

Why are you listening to what she said? Time will prove her wrong to everyone more than anything you or he could do.

The more either of you listen or encourage her, the more drama will embrace you. I think he can still be friends, but you both need to agree on comfort levels of security and closeness and hold fast to those boundaries.

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RE: utter confusion - 10/3/2007 6:19:26 AM

HollyBlue

Posts: 144
Joined: 9/13/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetcreeangel

if you have someone in your life and you found that you can trust this person when you feel that you cant trust any one else do to the fact that you have trust issues.......would you allow someone else to come along and ruin it?
here's the thing,i met this wonderful Dom and before me there was this woman that betrayed His trust and she is now coming along and wanting Him back,doing everything she can to drive me crazy(or so it feels)Him and i have spoken about it more then once and He has told me that it is all in her head and that all He has to offer her is friendship.....yet if you were to hear her tell it,they are all but married but had a spat.....
it is taking a toll on me and is affecting my eating and sleeping........what do you think you should do if you were me?

If he has already told you that it's all in her head, and all he has to offer her is friendship, then that is his position. If he has been honest and trustworthy with you in the past, then it's a good bet you can believe him; they will not be getting back together, because he clearly does not want her and has said so.

It doesn't matter what she says or thinks. She is in denial and/or is trying to minimize whatever she did to manipulate him. But she has no power in this situation -- if he has already decided he has nothing to offer her but friendship, then she can't make him get back together with her. All she can do is throw dramatic fits.

From your point of view, try to see it all with as much clarity as you can. If you truly can trust him, and believe he has no desire to reconcile with her, then:

1) Realize she is not a threat to you and breathe a sigh of relief. You're not going to lose him.

2) Realize that while she may be able to annoy and upset the two of you, she cannot separate you if you don't give her the power to do so. Don't let her hysterics drive you away from him...they are about her, not about you. View her as the annoyance she is, and don't give her more power than her character merits.

Just my 2 cents.

One caveat: If your gut tells you that he may be lying...if you think he's just telling you he doesn't want her back but really might, then that changes things.

But if he hasn't lied to you before, and isn't lying now...for God's sake, trust him and don't cause a rift between the two of you because of what this other woman is saying.

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RE: utter confusion - 10/3/2007 7:51:24 AM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
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He dips His lid:

Great Advice HollyBlue! I have been in the midst of situations like this before when I clearly state I am with the 'new person' because the 'old relationship' was unsuitable- that is a fact! I don't see why I can't maintain a friendship if that is seen 'dually' but of course the hurdles of prior attraction are put to rest in the process of shifting towards friendship. Sometimes it works, sometimes not ... but it very rewarding for both if it does! This does mean honesty between both and denial/insecurity/loss can impinge it before an equilibrium establishes. I question whether you have real cause to disbelief His words on the issue.

Normally questioning His motives (in the absence of proof to question His words by prior actions etc) denotes a danger flag of personal insecurity that You should look to address- not expect another to bandaid it for it to re-surface later in the relationship with most probabale devastating effects.

Warm regards Driver

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