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Stephann -> RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? (10/2/2007 9:20:50 AM)
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See, I'll point out that both TNsteps and Domiguy are getting at are true.
I know I wouldn't be here, now, had charlotte and I not engaged in an 'online' dynamic of some sort. What I think made it work, was that neither of us were actively trying to make it something it wasn't. Our expectations were to meet as soon as we were ready (initially, the idea being just for coffee.) It was only in the couple weeks before I actually flew out here that our relationship (online, phone, whatever you want to call it) had picked up speed and momentum.
As I pointed out early in this thread, I've had experiences online that went sour that had left me very wary of anything internet based. Yet something about her just felt 'right.' I can usually tell when someone is fabricating a part of themselves ("1) On the intertube people can portray themselves in any manner they see fit...") because the things they say simply don't jive with either reality. One woman in Austin comes to mind; the first dozen emails exchanged were "yes Sir, thank you Sir, i'd only live to please you Sir" until I finally talked to her on the phone. Then it became crystal clear that she'd been playing in chat rooms so long, that her D/s interest was on par with a live action soap opera.
" 5) It is a valuable way to get your rocks off....While be dominated by a fourteen year old kid who has a computer. " - I'd have to say, the last time I found the conversation of a 14 year old to be fascinating, I was still in my teens myself. Point taken, though; some people are so eager to explore fantasies, that they'll talk about anything with anyone. Again, only relating my experiences, the online friendship charlotte and Tigrita and I shared, before it became anything else, was just that. We didn't talk kink, D/s, or sex for several days. Frankly, if that's all they had to offer, I would probably have yawned and moved on. Any transportation of rocks was well understood to be far more enjoyable in real life. When it's clear that sex isn't the focus, but simply one aspect of the relationship, there's a much greater chance of building a more rewarding relationship.
Finally,
"3) These people have to have some imagination....For they are dealing in fiction." The irony, is that much of what we enjoy is 'fictional.' charlotte is no more my slave than she is a whore (though I might call her both at home.) The concept of slavery, as practiced in M/s relationships, is fiction. The exploration of what sort of activities might be enjoyable, in moderation, can go some distance towards ensuring that a heavy masochist doesn't end up miserable with a light touched dominant. I fully agree, though, that the vast majority of people who engage in online 'play' of any sort, are just looking for cyberwank material.
So, the answer lies between; that the insight one might find into themselves online, can have a great deal of value, so long as it is (in fact) fantasy that has the potential to lead to reality. That everyone be honest about their needs and expectations, up front, is also the difference between playing a role, and pursuing realistic 'fantasies.'
Regards,
Stephan
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