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An experienced slave and a new Master, can it work? - 7/24/2005 5:55:56 PM

flirt

Posts: 29
Joined: 5/16/2004
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my question is this: Can a M/s relationship develop and truly work out if the slave has more experience than the Master? i don't mean just in the BDSM play aspects, that to me is not a problem. i have recently been released by my Master, i was His first live in slave, His first real slave actually. He is wise in the ways of the lifestyle, He reads, educates Himself, has a sincere hunger for growth and knowledge and in our short time together He grew so very much. He is very much a Dominant and is so naturally, He just had not taken a slave or submissive until me, i, as His slave gave complete surrender and in His newness many errors were made and a lot of pain was felt on B/both sides.

i think sometimes i am too serious about my lifestyle? i have fun in it, but it is not a weekend adventure to me, i live it and could not have a vanilla relationship ever again. i have been in the lifestyle for several years, i have had three real life Masters and have experienced many joys and hurts that go with walking this path.

It seems like when i am interested in getting to know Someone, He turns out to be new or curious about the lifestyle. It has also seemed to be the same for Ones who show an interest in me. Is is possible for it to work, or does someone like me just have to have a Master with time and experience behind Him? i cannot go through the pain of teaching and guiding another along for Him to find His way and move on, or could that have just been the relationship and not because of His new self discovery?

flirt

Post #: 1

RE: An experienced slave and a new Master, can it work? - 7/24/2005 6:06:10 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Is it possible? Yes.

Is it possible for you? I don't know.

I'd say keep your mind open to the possibility that someone might surprise you despite lack of actual experience, and get to know people who naturally attract you. You can't promise that any relationship will last, don't make relationship choices today based on fears of "what he might do." If you actually HAVE those fears, it won't matter how much experience the other person has.

(in reply to flirt)

Post #: 2

RE: An experienced slave and a new Master, can it work? - 7/24/2005 6:07:50 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

It seems like when i am interested in getting to know Someone, He turns out to be new or curious about the lifestyle. It has also seemed to be the same for Ones who show an interest in me. Is is possible for it to work, or does someone like me just have to have a Master with time and experience behind Him? i cannot go through the pain of teaching and guiding another along for Him to find His way and move on, or could that have just been the relationship and not because of His new self discovery?

When I had met Doug, I had spent 10 years with my first dom. Then almost 5 searching for someone compatible in the lifestyle to spend my life with. I met Doug.
He had one sub prior to me...4 year's in the scene.
There was a lot he did not know. Some he did. He was my choice because I didn't have to 100% conform to him. We could conform together.
We've experienced a lot together so far...and still have a lot to experience.

So, yes I believe it is possible.

(in reply to flirt)

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RE: An experienced slave and a new Master, can it work? - 7/24/2005 8:44:40 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

Can a M/s relationship develop and truly work out if the slave has more experience than the Master?

When i introduced Hubby to this lifestyle i had limited experience but it certainly was more than the zero experience He had. It took a lot of "topping from the bottom" at first. I gave Him some websites to look at and gave Him a copy of S/M 101. Things are working out pretty well now.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to flirt)

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RE: An experienced slave and a new Master, can it work? - 7/24/2005 9:07:35 PM

Faramir

Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
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I think compatability in inclination is the most important part of any power relationship.

If what he does by inclination, if what comes natural to him is just what makes you wet and weak - well then it will be easy. It's just so easy when your native, instinctive urges and response match up.

(in reply to proudsub)

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RE: An experienced slave and a new Master, can it work? - 7/24/2005 10:43:02 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

Well it all depends on what you mean by "Can they work?"

For me, I've had some wonderful relationships with experienced submissives as I was just starting out and experimenting with my long passions of S&M. Though none of these relationships lasted, they were ended on good terms and still keep in contact with some. The relationships didn't last, but did work very well.

Perhaps in these type of relationships, some Topping from Bottom is needed but if the new dom has true interest and already shows a dom/controlling type personality, then there's no real reason it shoudn't work for the dom will be taking over soon enough.

The only real problem that I see that would cause the realationship not to work would be if the sub wanted the new dom to be just like one of there old masters or follow a certain trend. In which case the new dom may say "Hell no this is how I'm going to do it!" The sub may then leavef because of not wanting to go by a new set of rules or through retraining. Yes I am a dom but that dosen't mean that someone under gorean practice would want to play by my rules.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to flirt)

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RE: An experienced slave and a new Master, can it work? - 7/25/2005 3:52:21 PM

perfection20005

Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
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I think it can work if you want it to. It may be hard at times, but then again what isn't? Good luck.

perfection

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RE: An experienced slave and a new Master, can it work? - 7/31/2005 8:10:26 AM

MasterTemujin

Posts: 42
Joined: 5/2/2005
Status: offline

Anything is possible. It is most important for you to find that which you seek. As with any relationship it will take time and effort for nothing worthwhile comes easily.

R/S,

Master Temujin

(in reply to perfection20005)

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RE: An experienced slave and a new Master, can it work? - 7/31/2005 8:25:52 AM

ehlovindom

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
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Why not? With patience and understanding, anything is possible. Most often the steps along the path are more interesting than the final destination.

_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

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RE: An experienced slave and a new Master, can it work? - 8/1/2005 5:06:10 AM

Jayxkes

Posts: 138
Joined: 7/8/2004
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In my early stages I had a 2nd sub who was far more experienced than me. Both in terms of time and things we'd done.

We had a great relationship and I learned an enormous amount from her.
She had the strength to discuss everything and to point out where I was going wrong or could do something better and I the strength to accept that I needed to learn.

So yes it can indeed work. However making it work does require a lot of honesty and communication. It also needs effort on both sides to accept that the 'mere' sub can be wiser and more knowledgeable than the 'superior, all knowing' dom.

If you smiled or laughed at that last sentence, chances are you'd be OK

(in reply to ehlovindom)

Post #: 10

RE: An experienced slave and a new Master, can it work? - 8/1/2005 7:03:09 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
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This is a topic we discussed within a local group several years ago. It seems that submissives are gaining experience on a deeper level more often than the dominants, thus creating the dynamic of submissives being 'more experienced'...even if just their mindset. What I am referring to is that many submissives read, ask questions & bounce ideas off others much more often than dominants. Too often dominants feel that asking a question & admitting that they have questions shows weakness & this cannot be further from the truth.

You are fortunate that your Master is eager & open to learning. This is a plus in regards to having a successful relationship. So long as each partner remains open minded & continues to learn & grow a relationship will flourish.

MstrssPassion

(in reply to flirt)

Post #: 11

RE: An experienced slave and a new Master, can it work? - 8/1/2005 7:59:48 AM

MrThorns

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Joined: 6/4/2004
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Is it possible? Absolutely.

The major pitfall with this dynamic, is when the slave attempts to mentor the dominant. If the slave does try to mentor, what seems to happen quite often, is that the dominant is being trained on how that particular slave wants to be dominated and it turns into a topping from the bottom scenario. The best solution, I believe, is to assist him with finding a compenent and reputable Mentor that he can relate to.

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to flirt)

Post #: 12

RE: An experienced slave and a new Master, can it work? - 8/2/2005 4:39:15 PM

Hissweetshiv

Posts: 200
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline

I'm not a Dominant, but i have a suggestion. Should you enter another relationship with an unexperienced Dominant, Claudia Varrin wrote a great book on exactly that subject called "Erotic Surrender". It may help. Regardless of where your path takes you now, i wish you luck.

_____________________________

"Put your big girl panties on and deal with it."

"Forget love...i'd rather fall in chocolate."

(in reply to MrThorns)

Post #: 13

RE: An experienced slave and a new Master, can it work? - 8/3/2005 10:46:54 AM

CaringDom

Posts: 14
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline

Well, I thought I'd ad my two cents this post.
Experienced or not, on either side Master or slave isn't necessarilty significant, IF, and I stress IF both parties are willing to learn, work and grow and be dedicated to the task of gaining the needed experience to meet the needs of both.

_____________________________

Reality. It's the only way to fly.

(in reply to Hissweetshiv)

Post #: 14

RE: An experienced slave and a new Master, can it work? - 8/3/2005 11:22:33 PM

domm4subf1970

Posts: 64
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline

Yes it can

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Post #: 15

RE: An experienced slave and a new Master, can it work? - 8/3/2005 11:25:10 PM

Fidelity

Posts: 192
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

Usually it depends on the expectations of the slave-and how much she is willing to let go of preconcieved notions and habits inculcated by past masters.

(in reply to domm4subf1970)

Post #: 16

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