Crossroads

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natureschild -> Crossroads (10/2/2007 2:35:22 AM)
Alrighty, Im at a small loss of what to think or do. Ive been chatting with a Dom here, for about a month now, and truely he's fantastic. Almost more then I could ever ask for. And he thinks the same of me. Now comes the part about he's much older then myself. Like not even in his 30's older then me. But lots younger then my Mom heheh. I know there are many differant views on if "age matters." Part of my brain is my Mother talking, and I know she'd be saying "heck no, how could you even think of it?!" And then the other side says "Well if you like him, why should it matter?" So yes, I sorta need help figuring this out. Maybe a small nudge in some....direction?[sm=idea.gif]

scifi1133 -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 2:37:44 AM)
well if you like him why does it matter seems to fit rather nicely

OnyxGoddess -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 2:39:55 AM)
I've run into the same issues...but you are an adult and it is YOUR choice. I usually follow advice from a song..."If it makes YOU happy, it can't be that bad." (Sheryl Crow?) When a person is truly comfortable and happy with something they'll go to the mat to keep/defend it. My nickle. *~O~*

girlinterrupted -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 2:54:38 AM)
I myself like older men, they generally have experienced life, grown up, been there, done that, and tend to have a maturity level that I enjoy. On the flip side, it could be because My biological father was 25 years older than my mother - and my dad was 15 years older than my mother. Just seems a bit wierd how different our social structures have changed in 30 years. I know that it has been scientifically proven (If i'm remembering my highschool sience right) that males mature slower/later than females do.) My general opinion is this. IF it makes you happy - who is to say otherwise? Ultimately, it is ONLY about what you and he wants/thinks. Sure, you might have to jump a few hoops when it comes to friends, family, co-workers. But ultimately, its ONLY about you and him. Life isn't easy, but I'd rather deal an a rough life with a partner beside me that I care about, no matter his/her age. Just my 50 cents. edited to add: brain is broken right now, pardon the mispellings - i just woke up.

SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 2:56:24 AM)
meet him in person....if he is still fantastic to you, dont let age get in the way..

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 2:59:15 AM)
why should it matter to your mom? she's not the one in this relationship - you are. if you really like him, then don't pay any mind to what others say about your relationship or it will have a negative effect down the road. good luck

Domin8tingUrDrmz -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 3:01:08 AM)
My typical rule of thumb is 7 years older/younger. I am however seriously considering meeting someone 15 years older. Why? Because I like him. Good luck.

Jayxkes -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 3:26:51 AM)
I have had a sub who was 29 years younger than me and that worked pretty well for a couple of years. I am a year or so older than her dad! Kes is 12 years younger and CT 14 years younger than me. Kes and I have been married for 11 years and together a total of 13, so there's a fair chance we'll be together forever [:D] The age REALLY is just a number. It's what we feel for each other that counts. My advice would also be to meet him and if you still feel the same, go for it. Why make do with second best just because of age difference? [;)]

Celeste43 -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 4:01:34 AM)
Meet him first and then decide if there's enough there to go on a second date. Honestly, you're overinvesting. You're imagining yourself in a 24/7 relationship, introducing him to your mother, etc instead of just thinking about if there will be enough conversation for a first date or is it likely to be filled with awkward silences. One day at a time.

hisannabelle -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 4:04:23 AM)
greetings natureschild, there is a 35-year age gap between my master and me. occasionally the age difference causes some misunderstanding or miscommunication, but on the whole i've found it enriches our relationship. we have enough in common to make things work, and we want enough of the same things not to have to deal so much with "different stages in life/wanting different things out of life" issues, and there is enough different for the age gap to be enriching for both of us (in terms of learning different things from each other's experiences) that it has not been a problem in our relationship. we've been together for over a year and a half now and i don't see things ending anytime soon. so yes, it CAN work :) i'm not sure, statistically speaking, how often it DOES work...and it does take work for the situation to work, of course. but i would say, all else being equal, not to give up just because of the age gap...if it makes you happy and it works for you, why not pursue it? best of luck. if you'd ever like to chat about it, my cmail box is always open. respectfully, annabelle.

chellekitty -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 6:56:22 AM)
whatever works for you and him....ya'll are the ones in the relationship, not your mom, like previous posters have said...i have always been attracted to older men for whatever reason....but....some cold hard facts...and should you choose to accept them, because they come along with the age difference, you can't say you didn't know.... these, by the way, are assuming this will be a life long relationship where the man is much older - defining at 20+ years older and the girl enters into the relationship before she has reached her sexual peak in her early 30's (where i am coming from, and where i assume the OP is coming from) 1) he will die before you 2) he will most likely, if not already become unable to naturally form an erection having absolutely nothing to do with you (though this is not always true) 3) there may or may not be a mental role reversal due to deterioration of the organic brain tissue (want to see this in action? volunteer at a nursing home) 4) you will most likely, at some point, be a lot more interested in getting off than he is 5) there is not much he can do to stop physical strength from deteriorating as well as he ages... i am sure there is more...but these are the big ones that i can think of right now...and honestly, theres really no way to know how you are going to react with your partner in these situations until they happen with your partner...but if you know theres a possibility or probability...well..theres 3 options...not know its coming and get knocked the fuck out...or know its coming and not know what to do and get knocked the fuck out or know its coming and know what to do and roll with the punches...it still hurts but you're still functioning.... good luck on your journey chelle

HisCompletely -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 7:00:16 AM)
I agree, meet him! smiles, age means nothing if you still both feel the same after you meet. The man I want to meet is the same age as my biological mother lol........but I am still going for it! :)

trappedinamuseum -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 7:04:49 AM)
It sounds like you might be using the age factor as an excuse to end the relationship before it has even had a chance to begin. If you want to meet him, meet him. It may work out, it may not. But, at least you'll know.

toservez -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 8:56:48 AM)
As an older the more attractive I am to them gal I would certainly would not discourage you in pursuing a relationship with him. I think though you are putting the cart before the horse because you have not met him in person or spent any real time together. My former Master was twenty-seven years older then me and in the same age range as my parents. You are talking about a significantly different life stage. This is not about maturity at all. Do your short term and long terms goals match up? Do you have compatible energy levels? What type of social life does both of you want and can deal with? These and more are things that in my experience do play a major part. I am not saying these are not issues for all relationships, as they are, but these are issues that are typical of things that might get ignored or over looked in how impactful they are on a relationship. I am not saying at all not to pursue a vast age difference at all but be honest with yourself and not decide based on theory and telephone calls but actual real time relationship. Age is just a number sounds cute but simply not an accurate reflection of the truth. Age does change things that are very different then going with people in the same age range and should not be taken lightly from either age perspective. It certainly can work but it is up to the two unique individuals and not to be just to be dismissed with anecdotal stories and clichés. My experience living with a much older man it was a very different life that for the most part worked very well, but it took work and sacrifice in areas not normally thought of. Lin

Redandtreasure -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 9:21:24 AM)
It is easy to say age is just a number when you dont have to deal with family. I had a wonderfull slave that was 20 yrs my elder and my dad couldnt believe it. He still has no idea of my lifestyle THANK GOD. But it was hard at first. we got the stairs and the funny looks. When we went our seperate ways it was not because of age. I had another slave that was 9 years my elder and the age was a hard thing for her to get past but I made it a point to let her see the up sides. Again when we seperated it was not because of age. Age is just a number but it can be hard to over come when it comes to family how you deal with it is up to you. How I delt with it was my way with my family and no 2 family's are alike. I wish you well in your thoughts But it does come down to what alot of people have said ARE YOU HAPPY?

natureschild -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 3:01:34 PM)
Yes, I will be sure to meet him first and I wouldn't have it any other way. I guess in a way your right, I was edgy about getting the odd looks a crude comments. Providing sometime does come of meeting him. But you are also right, as this will be my relationship and no one elses. I will give this test of age a chance. =) Thanks so very much.

laurell3 -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 3:02:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: natureschild Alrighty, Im at a small loss of what to think or do. Ive been chatting with a Dom here, for about a month now, and truely he's fantastic. Almost more then I could ever ask for. And he thinks the same of me. Now comes the part about he's much older then myself. Like not even in his 30's older then me. But lots younger then my Mom heheh. I know there are many differant views on if "age matters." Part of my brain is my Mother talking, and I know she'd be saying "heck no, how could you even think of it?!" And then the other side says "Well if you like him, why should it matter?" So yes, I sorta need help figuring this out. Maybe a small nudge in some....direction?[sm=idea.gif] Your mother's not going to be his partner, neither are we, it's really up to you to decide what you are comfortable with. Why not meet him for lunch and see how you feel? l

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 4:08:19 PM)
Reposted: Age matters as much as it matters to you. On many levels, age doesn't really mean much when it comes to the individual. There really are lots of mature, ready, and open younger people who fit in very well with mature, ready and open older people. That being said, one's age IS something of an indicator about them- the culture you grow up in is a HUGE influence on your interests and perspectives, the politics, diseases, education style, music, fashion, art, books, they all get experienced in different ways in different times at different ages. That's not a killjoy- I amaze people all the time by bringing up movie and song trivia from decades before I was born (my mother raised me right). And for someone older who ENJOYS discovering new things, a younger person is perfect as a gateway into the next generation of cultural discoveries. As well there IS something to be said for the stability of the old. Younger people have to go through life stages- finding yourself, job, family, establishing yourself as an adult (a process which is much farther extended than in previous generations, again not a bad thing necessarily). They often don't have the same problems and responsibilities as older people- ex's, kids, health care, etc. There's an element of rapid change and instability in being with someone younger. Finally, none of these has to matter to any great degree at all. We ARE all still people and May'December relationships are a LOT more common than people believe, and they can work out just great. It's not all just older men in mid-life crisis and younger women sponging. We each individually have our own histories, quirks, problems, perspectives and joys. Age won't take that away and it doesn't make it impossible for a relationship to work. As long as you keep everything in perspective, and really examine things, as long as you can use the strengths that you have together and become a cohsive unit- then age can be just another part of the person, something you sometimes love and something you sometimes can't stand. http://www.collarchat.com/m_866797/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#866828 Does age equal experience? http://www.collarchat.com/m_607651/mpage_2/key_age/tm.htm#608245 Age http://www.collarchat.com/m_550824/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#550893 Does age matter in a sub? http://www.collarchat.com/m_441624/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#441638 Does age make experience? http://www.collarchat.com/m_389399/mpage_2/key_age/tm.htm#389616 Age since weight is being done http://www.collarchat.com/m_366036/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#366124 Should age matter for a sub? http://www.collarchat.com/m_336445/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#336457 Yes another ? about age http://www.collarchat.com/m_325491/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#325694 Does age difference matter? http://www.collarchat.com/m_290637/mpage_2/key_age/tm.htm#291554 What is the oldest dom you would consider? http://www.collarchat.com/m_220984/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#220997 What is it with girls having masters double their ages? http://www.collarchat.com/m_209024/mpage_3/key_age/tm.htm#212527 Does age matter? (2)

Estring -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 10:40:49 PM)
Speaking from experience, the age difference will eventually catch up to the relationship. Your priorities will not be the same as his, and eventually you will discover that. But in the meantime, you are only 21 anyway. This will not be your last relationship, so be careful, but enjoy yourself.

chellekitty -> RE: Crossroads (10/2/2007 10:42:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Estring But in the meantime, you are only 21 anyway. This will not be your last relationship, so be careful, but enjoy yourself. wow...guess no one's ever accused you of being a romantic, huh?

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