RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. (Full Version)

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CatKnight -> RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. (10/2/2007 1:25:33 PM)

Let's deal with this (IMHO) one step at a time.
 
The dominant (:X) relationship here, if your sub is any kind of mother, is going to be parent/child.  Sorry, that's simply life.  This is not a BDSM issue.  It cannot be resolved on a BDSM level.
 
LaTigresse makes a very important comment here.  Are you feeling guilty because you said those things?  Or because she heard you?  If the latter... well, you need to understand that her being a parent SHOULD trump you every single time, and if you keep it up she SHOULD withdraw from the relationship.
 
An attack on a child is the same, if not worse, than an attack on the parent.  Yes, words count.  What kind of Dom goes around randomly attacking his sub?
 
Now if you're truly sorry about what happened...then apologize.  And learn to keep quiet.  BDSM's emphasis on honesty and truthfulness doesn't allow you to say absolutely anything that crosses your mind.
 
I'm wondering if one or both of you are actually switches.  If so, the dynamics of your relationship need renegotiating.  Looking at BitaTruble's analysis of your journal, I'm concluding she's not.  And putting her in a situation she doesn't want to be in, a 'mindfuck' as others have called it...isn't going to help her.
 
Correction cannot ever be about revenge.  And, IMHO again, it cannot even be considered until the matter is pretty much resolved anyway.  Further - it wouldn't be your choice.  You could tell her you'll accept it if that's what she needs ... but that's not your call.  Correction isn't about forgiveness.  If she's still angry, she shouldn't be scening.
 
It can possibly bring closure to a situation for you both, but that's pretty much its only possible use.  I don't think it will help you here.  You're going to have to just confess you caught hoof in mouth disease, and hope she'll forgive you.





SubmissiveLion -> RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. (10/3/2007 6:36:48 AM)

thanks for all the advice.



slaveluci -> RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. (10/3/2007 8:21:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveLion
I did say I was sorry, but I called her daughter something that was very mean, not knowing she heard me. 

Who heard you?  The daughter or the sub?  If the daughter heard, she is certainly due the apology too.  If not, the sub is and you said you've said you were sorry. 

I think the need to call her daughter something mean shows there is an issue that needs to be worked out there.  Letting your sub hurt you physically isn't going to address the issue you have with your sub's daughter.  If I were in her shoes, I'd need to know that you really are sorry for what you said and I'd want to see your feelings about my daughter improve.  I don't think my thoughts would be on wanting to top you at the moment.

It just seems like apples and oranges.  "Gee, I hurt your feelings by saying something very mean about your child.  I'm sorry.  Wanna beat me so I can feel better about my insensitivity?"[>:]  Hmm.....doesn't make a whole lotta sense to me personally...............luci



TheChastiser -> RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. (10/4/2007 2:44:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveLion

I have a question to Masters out there.

I have a Sub who has a particular nasty streak.  And in the last week I have done something to hurt her emotionally.  I want to offer her one night, to hurt me as she wishes.

Does this make me a switch?  I am still the dominant in the relationship, but I offered her this because I know she is a little sadist, and I know she would enjoy it.  She has been such a good slave, I thought this might be a good reward for her.

Any advice would help.


i would suggest such actions could permanently affect the status quo within your relationship. think hard before you act.

if you really must do something to make amends find something outside the dynamic in which you live.

Mike



GoodgirlSub4pain -> RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. (10/4/2007 6:31:17 PM)

Hi**
I wonder, if you already know the answer? I mean this in the most repectful way, but even the name you chose to post here is titled "submissive lion" right? Personally for ME, as a submissive it would ruin my head space to "hurt" my Master. I would lose respect for 2 reasons. 1. That she was unable to find a more appropriate way to seek ammends. 2. I  have NO switch within me at all & I would find it unbearable.
Just my 2 cents..
xo
me



Focus50 -> RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. (10/5/2007 1:38:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

Letting her hurt you doesn't make you a switch. It just makes you a guilty sob that wants to do something to appease that guilt instead of just saying "I fucked up. I shouldn't have said what I said. I apologize." If you did apologize and she can't accept it then thats her problem. Not yours. She'll need to get over it.

Agreed, assuming time travel isn't an option, the next step for me when I fuck up is to apologise for fucking up - which includes saying those words - *I* fucked up!  Call me old fashioned, but that's what a MAN does...!
 
Focus.



Celeste43 -> RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. (10/5/2007 3:22:14 PM)

Sometimes though, an apology just isn't enough. Some words can never be forgotten, nor should they. He broke her trust by attacking her um and he did it deliberately because he chose to do so when he believed the sub would not hear him.

I get no sense of true remorse. No belief that had she not heard him, he would have told her what he had done. So how can she believe that he won't do the same or worse next time he's checked more carefully to see that the coast is clear. Personally, when it comes to the safety of my family, I have a one time and you're out policy. Most mothers do.



Lashra -> RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. (10/5/2007 3:51:04 PM)

Not unless you'd be submitting to her. To me it sounds that you would be bottoming which is something totally different. You keep the control and allow her to beat on you, perhaps you telling her how to do it.

So no I think unless you wish to submit, or take turns submitting that your a Dominant. Many Dom/mes bottom, I myself do very rarely and its quite fun.

~Lashra



HottLicks -> RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. (10/5/2007 4:31:58 PM)

Hurtful words last longer than any physical punishment.  I would be addressing the damage in the um and personally, I would have to wonder if someone who could dismiss hurting my um with an 'I'm sorry, wanna beat my butt" as a danger to our lives.

From this and other post... {you did put yourself out there} I personally feel, you need to figure out a whole lot of things before any beating butt is done, cause the emotional harm you are doing isn't something defined by a lifestyle, but more in mental health and abuse issues. 

Just my two cents for what it's worth.



Focus50 -> RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. (10/6/2007 3:56:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Sometimes though, an apology just isn't enough. Some words can never be forgotten, nor should they.

Yes, I've never liked that old mantra of "forgive and forget".  You can forgive but it's unrealistic to expect someone to forget something hurtful.
 
Focus.



LadyLynx -> RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. (10/6/2007 10:11:55 AM)

I think letting her beat you as a way to make up for something you did would be a mistake.  I mean while there is definately nothing wrong with being masochistic and ordering your sub/slave to to top you,  but to do it that way I think wouldn't be good for the relationship. I agree with whom ever said, ask her how you can make it up.  Personally I would probably ask for something expensive.  Like a day at a nice spa.



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