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A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 7:05:42 AM

SubmissiveLion

Posts: 40
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

I have a question to Masters out there.

I have a Sub who has a particular nasty streak. And in the last week I have done something to hurt her emotionally. I want to offer her one night, to hurt me as she wishes.

Does this make me a switch? I am still the dominant in the relationship, but I offered her this because I know she is a little sadist, and I know she would enjoy it. She has been such a good slave, I thought this might be a good reward for her.

Any advice would help.

Post #: 1

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 7:10:23 AM

HisCompletely

Posts: 53
Joined: 10/1/2007
Status: offline

what did you do to hurt her emotionally? If she is submissive, I can only say, she won't go for that offereing lol.

(in reply to SubmissiveLion)

Post #: 2

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 7:12:33 AM

HisCompletely

Posts: 53
Joined: 10/1/2007
Status: offline

Which BTW reminds me of a certain Elton John song line "Sorry seems to be the hardest word"...................but a lot more effective :)

(in reply to HisCompletely)

Post #: 3

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 7:19:21 AM

SubmissiveLion

Posts: 40
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

I did say I was sorry, but I called her daughter something that was very mean, not knowing she heard me. But she said she likes to hurt people, so does that make my sub a switch?

(in reply to HisCompletely)

Post #: 4

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 7:22:20 AM

HisCompletely

Posts: 53
Joined: 10/1/2007
Status: offline

well I think you need to ask your sub. I could not hurt anyone physically or emotionally, so I can't answer that for you, I think the best thing is to talk with your sub. Good luck!

(in reply to SubmissiveLion)

Post #: 5

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 7:27:12 AM

trappedinamuseum

Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Likes to hurt them how? If it is sexually, she could be a sadist. If it is not sexually, she just likes to hurt things, that's kind of a red flag.

_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to HisCompletely)

Post #: 6

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 7:29:21 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveLion

I have a question to Masters out there.

I have a Sub who has a particular nasty streak. And in the last week I have done something to hurt her emotionally. I want to offer her one night, to hurt me as she wishes.

Does this make me a switch? I am still the dominant in the relationship, but I offered her this because I know she is a little sadist, and I know she would enjoy it. She has been such a good slave, I thought this might be a good reward for her.

Any advice would help.

Are you offering her the opportunity to *hurt* you as a way to appease your own bad feelings for being horrid or because she's been *such a good slave*?.....It's not quite clear from your post.

agirl

(in reply to SubmissiveLion)

Post #: 7

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 7:33:00 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Personally, I think you should find another way to assuage your guilt. Nothing you ever do will take back what you said. The best course is to move on and learn to use your internal censor button.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 8

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 7:38:38 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveLion

I did say I was sorry, but I called her daughter something that was very mean, not knowing she heard me. But she said she likes to hurt people, so does that make my sub a switch?

It sounds like she may be a sadist. It doesn't mean she's not submissive, merely that she prefers to be on the opposite end of the single tail every so often!

Think of her as a submissive top after the fashion of some of the other participants here.

_____________________________

(in reply to SubmissiveLion)

Post #: 9

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 7:39:29 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

No, it doesn't make her a switch. It makes her a submissive with a sadistic streak.

Letting her hurt you doesn't make you a switch. It just makes you a guilty sob that wants to do something to appease that guilt instead of just saying "I fucked up. I shouldn't have said what I said. I apologize." If you did apologize and she can't accept it then thats her problem. Not yours. She'll need to get over it.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to SubmissiveLion)

Post #: 10

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 7:48:19 AM

vield

Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

A submissive or slave can certainly still be a sadist and enjoy inflicting pain. A dominant can also have a masochistic side where he or she likes getting pain. I suggest trying not to get hung up on labels, but instead to work out things which will bring joy to both of you.
Yes if you shot your mouth off and offended her it is certainly appropriate for a dominant to make an apology, we ARE all human.
Once this is done, exploring negotiations about changing who gets the flogging or paddling can be interesting.
One very dominant Mistress I served loved getting her ass paddled red, and she had no problem ordering me to do that for her. At a big event the viewers got confused about who was in charge, but we knew so it made no difference.
My partner now is my dear slave, but she is very dominant to most others and she very much enjoys "working over" other people. It does not work for her to give me pain, that bothers her. Thus it is not something we do. But she certainly needs to work others over, and I can enjoy watching her do that.
If your submissive has a serious need for something and you do not work on helping her find fulfillment, it is always possible somebody else will, or else her unfullfilled need might just drive a wedge between you.
As long as you are all consenting adults and enjoying whatever you do, more power to you!

_____________________________

As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

(in reply to SubmissiveLion)

Post #: 11

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 8:38:11 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

If you are truly sorry why not ask her what can be done so she can forgive you instead of making the issue all about you? What you did sounds like something that goes well beyond any power exchange relationship dynamic and would be a huge thing for any parent. Make it about her and not you fixing the situation to relieve guilt.

In the spirit of the OP, do you crave or enjoy pain inflicted on you or are you just willing to put up with it once in awhile? Not to get into a definition fight but it takes all types of people and being submissive does not exclude a person from maybe inflicting pain on someone and being dominant does not mean you might not enjoy pain. I think these traits are more mental then physical and do not have to always translate to the physical standard enjoyment that we normally discuss.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to SubmissiveLion)

Post #: 12

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 8:57:46 AM

Redandtreasure

Posts: 26
Joined: 10/21/2006
Status: offline

I tihnk we have lost sight of something here. She over herd a conversation that he was having whith her daughter in which he was saying something nasty to her. Not knowing her age and presuming that she is a minor she has every right to be upset if you have recientley (in the last year or so) come into the relationship. If you have been in the relationship for longer and hae raised her as your own then you had a right to say something to her as a parent figure. But you should have talked to you "slave" aboutit as well since she is also the other parent in the house.
If her daughter is of legal age and you spoke up when you shouldnt have and apoligised to her and her daughter for it then move on. Do not dwell in the past because you can never change the past you can only atone for what you have done. Im going to catch hell for saying this But even a Masater or Mistress can make a mistake and as a person there is nothing wrong with a heart felt appoligy.

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 13

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 9:01:37 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

You verbally abused her um and you figure letting her spank you would be enough to make this right? How about anger management to control yourself? How about learning and proving that you are trustworthy around her um?

If he had done this to my ums, I would have never trusted him again. Mother trumps sub anytime.

(in reply to Redandtreasure)

Post #: 14

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 9:24:08 AM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveLion

I have a question to Masters out there.

I have a Sub who has a particular nasty streak. And in the last week I have done something to hurt her emotionally. I want to offer her one night, to hurt me as she wishes. You are her Dom and for how long? Yes, you are understandably guilt ridden and ACTIONS do speak louder than words.

Does this make me a switch? I am still the dominant in the relationship, but I offered her this because I know she is a little sadist, and I know she would enjoy it. She has been such a good slave, I thought this might be a good reward for her.
Sounds like a pretty fucked up mind fuck for a Dom to consider........... A Dom mind fucking himself and His Precious? Doesn't sound like there would be any strength in this scenario but simply an embedding of confusion for both confused.

Any advice would help. Apologise sincerely... Say you are feeling that you may be a switch but offerring yourself as 'play meat' for forgiveness is weakness.
A Dom is a Dom is a Dom. That's the start and end of it. Even VELD mentions his Mistress ordering him to paddle her. Dom is a Dom is a Dom.....

Warm regards to all, Driver.

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to SubmissiveLion)

Post #: 15

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 9:32:25 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveLion

I have a question to Masters out there.

I have a Sub who has a particular nasty streak. And in the last week I have done something to hurt her emotionally. I want to offer her one night, to hurt me as she wishes.

Does this make me a switch? I am still the dominant in the relationship, but I offered her this because I know she is a little sadist, and I know she would enjoy it. She has been such a good slave, I thought this might be a good reward for her.

Any advice would help.

From your journal: "I got to see my baby last night and told her about a few things. I realize now that when I think things I need to tell her immediately as she starts to think the worst.

She actually thought I was going to tell her I was a switch or a sub...."

You also had mentioned in another journal entry that you like it when she plays 'rough' with your naughty bits. If her thinking you are a submissive or a slave is 'the worst' for her, then giving her the opportunity to put you on the bottom when your relationship is so new might put her over the edge where she'll lose trust in your dominance. I agree with the others here, apologize then let it go. Going to the bottom to give her an opportunity for revenge or to alleviate your guilt might have unexpected consequences for you so if you're not prepared to live with those consequences, don't put yourself in a position where you'll have to face them.

Good luck,

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to SubmissiveLion)

Post #: 16

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 9:39:08 AM

HisCompletely

Posts: 53
Joined: 10/1/2007
Status: offline

To the OP, I would as a sub, first resond to my Dom as a person and as a Mother. This to me, is not a situation that is called for anything less. Perhaps apologizing to the subs child may be a good thing to do also, as well as your sub. Just my thought.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 17

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 9:42:20 AM

littlesilver

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline

Ok, let me step back here a minute.
Firstly, there's three relationships going on here. you have the master/sub relationship, the man and woman relationship, and the relationship of parent/child.
I think this issue should be dealt with on the appropriate level here. This really has no baring on your D/s relationship, other than the fact it's indirect.
It was touched on about the child's age, however, if this child did not hear the comment there is no sense in bringing it up to her. True perhaps the words should have been censored. I tend to think of it this way "If they hear me, will I regret it?" if the answer is yes - then simply don't say it.

Basically, if you're offering this girl a night to hurt you as you please, I see only negative impact. Firstly, you're allowing her to Top you, even if she has a sadistic streak rather than a Dominant streak this can be a huge mind-fuck. In fact, many girls have left their Dominant partners once they have seen you in a different light. It can undermind everything you've worked for, far more than your comment. Secondly, you're using physical violence as a mean for revenge? or to appease your guilt? How is this in any way healthy to ANY relationship? Do we not first and foremost teach never to use physical scenes while angry or upset?

I think your means to work this out is a very simple method...communication!!

2 cents.
silver

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 18

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 11:29:39 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

You verbally abused her um and you figure letting her spank you would be enough to make this right? How about anger management to control yourself? How about learning and proving that you are trustworthy around her um?

If he had done this to my ums, I would have never trusted him again. Mother trumps sub anytime.

That is what I was thinking. Also, there was some wording in there that concerns me, I don't know if anyone else picked up on it.

"I called her daughter something that was very mean, not knowing she heard me."

If I was the mother in question and read that........the only hurtful thing I would do to you is leave. Why? Because it matters to you that she heard you. I would be concerned that it isn't that you did it that bothers you but only that she heard you do it. I would ask myself wether or not it would happen again, only when I wasn't there to protect my child from your violence. And yes, words are violence to me. I have seen the damage done to a child with only words.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 19

RE: A Question about letting your Sub have fun. - 10/2/2007 1:24:22 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

I'm kinda confused here. Your screen name is "SubmissiveLion" and you like being played rough with, and are using an 'apology' as an excuse to have your sub dominate you...is it possible you just might be a switch who is afraid to let your sub know because she doesn't want to dominate you?

And also I suggest that you let *her* decide what you should do to atone for your sins...if anything beyond a sincere apology is even desired.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 20

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