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Searching for the right one - 10/2/2007 9:11:40 AM

stud4u

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/18/2004
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Why is it that when lifestylers talk about committed relationships we discount quickly vanilla thoughts. In the year that I have been here I have talked to several people about transitioning into committed relationships and several swear of vanilla ideas. Is it not the basis for true lifestyle connection both dominant and submiussive to at its base fall back on traditional vanilla values love honor trust committment to the other? I have seen males scream to be castrated by partners ands women who feel they have to warn others about being bbw's why to we they let this occur?Is it lifestyle willingness or lack of faith/confidence that we judge people on sterotypical fantasy ideals? Do we not realize to truely life the lifestyle we also must accept societal norms and even vanilla dating norms till trust is established to warrant lifestyle openness.

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RE: Searching for the right one - 10/2/2007 9:25:21 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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Do not take what you read on the other side and other delusional sites that are more dream and agenda based to be an accurate reflection of the people who are living this life or are pursuing this life in a sincere and realistic fashion.

You are of course right in that these are relationships like all other relationships with all the normal issues and compatibilities but with just a more formal agreement in how to live a life for two people. You are wrong to think the people who live or pursue this life outside of the cyber dreamers sitting alone at their computer think differently.

When searching I always recommend putting effort into the people who get reality and not ones looking to run away from or do better then reality. Part of the price of putting yourself out there is the time and effort to deal with the cyber dreamers. Grin and bear it or just pursue this life in your local community.

< Message edited by toservez -- 10/2/2007 9:26:12 AM >

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(in reply to stud4u)

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RE: Searching for the right one - 10/2/2007 2:12:04 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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Some people want a full relationship with one person, marriage, ums, dog, house etc. Others don't.

But not everyone here wants love, commitment etc in a BDSM relationship.

And in fact not every vanilla wants all those things either. Sometimes they just want a person to go to the movies with, or a tennis partner. Those are relationships also, albeit limited and nonromantic ones.

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RE: Searching for the right one - 10/2/2007 2:19:52 PM

jdtallfem

Posts: 180
Joined: 10/8/2006
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Yes, I know, it's a constant weeding out process. Does this person know what a long term relationship is? Is this person even thinking about a long term relationship or just a play partner? Is this just some married person looking for some thrills on the side? I get it and sift through it all the time. But the same thing happens on the vanilla sites. It's the cost of cyperspace I guess.
In the old days (before the internet in small towns years ago perhaps) there was scant opportunity but few choices.
Now there are endless choices but scant good opportunity (or gems) within. You have to really seek, search and find to discover them. Kind of like your satellite television program. Hard to find a good programs anywhere amidst all the seductive noise, lol.

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RE: Searching for the right one - 10/2/2007 5:03:33 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
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Would you like to explain to me what you mean by dating norms?
Or even societal norms?
There are no such thing in my opinion.
I was about in the sixties when you married the person you ended up in bed with the most often. We threw out the idea that you could find the right life partner any other way.
The 'lifestyle' seems to be full of people who have very strange ideas about sex and relationships. And everyone seems to think that their idea of what BDSM is all about is right. Know what you want yourself and if the other person isn't prepared to talk about what they want from a relationship then forget it. I have known people move half way around the world for the right relationship and others who can't be bothered to drive half a mile to meet somene who might be right for them. That's life we are all different.

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