quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle

greetings xoxi,

in my experience people who want to convey what i think you are trying to convey tend to say they are involved in the bdsm community, then quantify it with terms such as local, regional, national, etc.

respectfully,
annabelle.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

That makes sense...I was thinking 'BDSM Scene' to define the scene itself...so I guess it would just be 'someone involved in the BDSM scene' because the word 'scenester' tends to be used in a negative light.  Same with cliques.

I can totally see the point that whatever someone does is part of their lifestyle...it just struck me as odd to call something a lifestyle if it's only applicable when you have a partner, you know?   I guess the definition that someone is into it for more than sex is a better one...because it distinguishes from those who see it as a sexual orientation and those who see it as a relationship dynamic.

Sigh.  I really think too much.  I'm just now starting to be able to break myself of the habit...but still when someone asks me "Are you looking for a Dom" I can not answer yes to that question.  I have to say "no I'm looking for a dominant man" because there is a significant difference to me.  Probably *just* to me too LOL

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

I see.

I guess I'm just one of those strange people who wants to make sure I'm using the right term to express the idea that I'm trying to convey.

And I always thought "BDSM Lifestyler" was an easier way to say "Someone who makes BDSM a part of their social life and friendships rather than confining it to a relationship dynamic" but I guess I was wrong.

Any ideas for a term to use for that idea?  Obviously I can just use the whole darn sentence but I like knowing there are words for things, y'know?

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

What does the term "BDSM Lifestyle" mean to you?

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

While replying to another post, something popped out in my mind and I felt it should have its own topic.

What does the term "BDSM Lifestyle" mean to you?

To me, someone who lives a BDSM Lifestyle is someone who focuses a large part of his or her social energy on the local community or scene.  S/he is someone who regularly attends munches and probably creates or moderates one eventually, someone who is a chair or board member of a local kinky group, who demonstrates at clubs and conventions, and who is generally seen as a leader (or at least role model) of the community.

Yet so often I hear people use the term "Lifestyle BDSM" as an equivalent for being in a 24/7 relationship, without any type of community involvement.  I take issue with this simply because it means it's only their 'lifestyle' when in a relationship.  I'm not saying anything negative about a 24/7 relationship, I just think it's misleading to say that you live the BDSM lifestyle when all that means is you're single and looking online for a partner, or that you and your partner have a lot of kinky sex.

To me a lifestyle is something that is a significant part of your social life in general, not just something you do when you are in a relationship.  However I'm fully aware that my definition isn't everyone's...so I am interested in hearing arguments for both sides of the coin.

What do you think when you hear the term "BDSM Lifestyle," and what do you mean when you say you are a part of it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Wait so you think if a person truly identifies being a Dominant or submissive as who they are but doesn't do 24/7 they aren't "in the lifestyle"?  Sorry Doc, you seem like a reasonable guy, but that distinction is just as arbitrary as the rest.
l

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

S/he is someone who regularly attends munches and probably creates or moderates one eventually, someone who is a chair or board member of a local kinky group, who demonstrates at clubs and conventions, and who is generally seen as a leader (or at least role model) of the community.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi
No actually it's like saying you are a Christian but don't live a Christian lifestyle unless you internalize it and make it part of who you are regardless of whether or not you are in church.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

I'm not defining anything as "true" or "not true" I'm defining the word 'lifestyle' which has certain connotations to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi
What does the term "BDSM Lifestyle" mean to you?

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

dark - that actually makes perfect sense to me.  I think the flaw in my original definition was focusing on social activities rather than just saying a lifestyle was something that someone internalized and lived regardless of relationship status, and for more than sexual gratification. 

I know that some people will take issue to that definition because they think that defining a term means that anything outside that term is somehow less than valid (ie that being a 'BDSM practicioner' is somehow less valid than being a 'BDSM lifestyler') but honestly I think that speaks more of their own need for validation and belonging to a certain group whether or not the definition applies.

I don't think that definitions should be changed just to make people feel better though....if anything I think that they should be secure enough with their sense of self to be proud of the category that they fall into.  It's like when 'working class' people demand that they be considered middle class, or when middle class people demand to be considered upper class...why stretch the definition to include them simply because they want to be included in what THEY think is better? Why not just be proud of who they are?